Hi butterfly89, 

I am a female, 25 years old and my father was jsut diagnosed with advanced prostate cancer. We just found out this news last week. As it's still new, I have had a hard time sorting out my feelings and right now, I'm feeling a lot of anger and sadness. Some days I'm okay, but there's always this dark cloak of sadness and fear hanging over me. I don't know what the future will bring, and I don't know what to do right now. I never thought I'd be this young and have to deal with my parents having a terminal illness or terminal cancer. It's heartbreaking. No words to describe how horrible this feeling is. My dad's cancer is in his bones and lymph nodes, and doctors have said there's nothing much they can do. 

I am so sorry to hear about your dad. It's comforting to know I'm alone in my feelings (not sure if that's the right word), but it sucks that we're all stuck in these circumstances. It's too bad all our families have been touched with cancer. 

I just wanted you to know you aren't alone, as i know there's nothing I can really say to make you feel better. 

xoxo

Hello GiftThePresent, 

Thank you for your reply to my post. 

I'm ever so sorry you find yourself on here though and your father's recent diagnosis. Big hugs to you and the difficult time you're going through. The beginning is always very raw, I remember very well how I felt when I was first told...something I think will stay with me for the rest of my life because I've never known heartbreak or fear like it. I remember feeling so terrified and having so many questions in my head such as why us? Why my dad? Isn't there something out there that can cure him? Etc... but all you can do my lovely is take each day as it comes. It's very difficult and it's a long process but that's all you can do. You'll go through different emotions...upset, anger, frustration, numbness. Has your dad been offered any type of treatment such as chemotherapy? 

It doesn't get easier but you learn how you cope with it, 15 months it's been since my dad was diagnosed and as times gone on I feel stronger, I've learnt a lot to do with his cancer, we keep him positive and don't treat him any different which is something he wanted, just supporting him and spending time with him. Hardest part of it all is knowing behind closed doors he is very different and I know this because of what my mum tells me..I've caught my dad at times sit there in deep thought with tears in his eyes and this breaks me just wondering what the hell he's going through inside. The worst thing he said to me was Christmas Day, I took photos and videos of the family dancing and having a laugh and I played one of the videos back to my Dad when it was just him and I in the living room, we laughed and he turned to me and said 'make sure you keep that video, you might need it one day to remember me by.'  Sorry for rambling on...just thought I'd share that as I've hardly told anyone.

Yes I complebetely understand its not that it's nice knowing others are going through the same but it's comforting knowing you're not alone. Do you have much support around you? 

Please come on here and keep talking if you need to...as you can see from this post there's quite a handful of us going through the same thing. Xxx

Hello GiftThePresent, 

Thank you for your reply to my post. 

I'm ever so sorry you find yourself on here though and your father's recent diagnosis. Big hugs to you and the difficult time you're going through. The beginning is always very raw, I remember very well how I felt when I was first told...something I think will stay with me for the rest of my life because I've never known heartbreak or fear like it. I remember feeling so terrified and having so many questions in my head such as why us? Why my dad? Isn't there something out there that can cure him? Etc... but all you can do my lovely is take each day as it comes. It's very difficult and it's a long process but that's all you can do. You'll go through different emotions...upset, anger, frustration, numbness. Has your dad been offered any type of treatment such as chemotherapy? 

It doesn't get easier but you learn how you cope with it, 15 months it's been since my dad was diagnosed and as times gone on I feel stronger, I've learnt a lot to do with his cancer, we keep him positive and don't treat him any different which is something he wanted, just supporting him and spending time with him. Hardest part of it all is knowing behind closed doors he is very different and I know this because of what my mum tells me..I've caught my dad at times sit there in deep thought with tears in his eyes and this breaks me just wondering what the hell he's going through inside. The worst thing he said to me was Christmas Day, I took photos and videos of the family dancing and having a laugh and I played one of the videos back to my Dad when it was just him and I in the living room, we laughed and he turned to me and said 'make sure you keep that video, you might need it one day to remember me by.'  Sorry for rambling on...just thought I'd share that as I've hardly told anyone.

Yes I complebetely understand its not that it's nice knowing others are going through the same but it's comforting knowing you're not alone. Do you have much support around you? 

Please come on here and keep talking if you need to...as you can see from this post there's quite a handful of us going through the same thing. Xxx

Hi Butterfly89,

Thank you for your kind words. My dad's cancer is being controlled right now with hormone therapy. So he has to get an injection every three months for the rest of his life. The doctors have said these injections should keep him alive for three years. I believe we would move to chemotherapy after that point, but i'm not really sure. There is nothing that can really be done for my dad other than that. 

We had a scare yesterday because my dad was feeling chest pains, so we went to the hospital and were there until almost midnight. We were told that with the cancer being in his bones that his bones are much more fragile, and even a cough can fracture his bones. We found out that some of his ribs and his sternum are fractured, and that's what is causing him pain. His first injection of the hormone thrapy was on Friday, so we think that maybe this injection may be what is causing his bone pain. It's just hard to see him in pain, and not being able to do a whole lot. I have been doing all I can for him, but it can be very stressful and I forget that I have to take care of myself. 

I haven't been eating or sleeping properly, and taking care of myself has been put on the back burner. Nothing else really seems like it matters right now. 

As for you, I feel so deeply for you. I know how difficult it must be, I knwo we aren't in the same situation, but they are very similar. We have to try to stay strong and positive or our fathers. I do have a handful of people and friends that i've been talking to. I'm also going to visit my aunt this weekend, and just get out of the house. I hope that we can both find some kind of peace in our mind's, but i know this won't be easy for both of us. 

Hi, 

Sorry for a late reply my partner was in a car accident on Friday luckily he's OK and we will just need to get a new car. 

Don't know anything about hormone therapy injections, how do they work? Can he not be given chemotherapy any sooner? How is your father now regarding his chest pains? Is he back at home or currently in hospital? That's very scary to think even a cough could fracture his bones must be very painful when it does happen. I know what you mean it can be so easy to forget about yourself because your putting your time and effort into other things and worrying. But when you can then do just little things for yourself. 

My dad is at the hospital today receiving his latest CT scan results which will tell us what the cancers currently doing and if it's grown any since his last one which was 12 weeks ago. Awaiting a call to see how things are. I know their both worried it's not going to be good news but even if it's not it doesn't mean it's terrible news it could just mean a slight change. Staying positive doesn't come easy but sometimes it's all you can try and do through tough times. It's not all doom and gloom, since his diagnosis last year we've spent more time as a family and have become closer it's sad it had to be under these circumstances however I'm very grateful that we've come together and are supporting one another when it really matters. X

Hi Butterfly89, 

Oh, I'm so happy to hear that your partner is okay! No need to apologize!

Basically the hormaone injections keep the prostate cancer at bay, because from what I understand prostate cancer thrives on testosterone, so these shots will make my dad's body stop producing testosterone. So he wil basically have side effects like going through menopause (hot flashes, bone thinning, mood changes). Chemotherapy is usually given after the hormone therapy stops working, which is uaully 2-3 years after his first hormone injections. The cancer begins to find a way to survive without testosterone (or something). i'm not a doctor, so this is my own words of my understanding of it! The medication he is taking will slowly stop working. 

My dad is still feeling some pain in his chest, but he is feeling better. He mentioned it's more like a nagging pain now, before he was having trouble breathing without the pain. He has a fracture on his sternum that bothers him somewhat. He is now back at home, we didn't have to stay at the hospital. He is now having to get his sick benefits sorted as he will no longer be working, we didn't realize how fragile he was. he's always been a very hard worker, very strong and muscular. He works in construction, and had been working up until last week. I'm surprised he was able to work so long without getting hurt. 

Can you tell me how your dad's CT scan goes? i hope it shows that the cancer has not spread. I hope it can still be managed. It's so hard when we can't help or there's nothing that we can really do to help the ones we love. If you ever need to chat, I'm always here :)

Oh wow that's so interesting to read how the cancer can thrive off of his testosterone, my mum mentioned the other day about how cancer needs DNA to grow. So sometimes they need to kill the DNA to stop the cancer from growing and multiplying. It's so involved isn't it but very interesting to read about. I hope your dads hormone injections go well for him. Glad he's back at home now and the pains eased somewhat for him. I know it's going to be hard for him to give up work but it will be the best thing for him as pushing himself could end up doing him harm. He sounds very strong and a hard worker to have been working only up until last week. 

Like your dad my Dad's been in the building trade his whole life up until 18 months ago when he had to give up working because it was becoming too much for him and he almost passed out twice which is very dangerous if you're up a ladder or dealing with heavy machinery. It's been tough for such an active person to give up literally everything and he's so frustrated a lot of the time that he doesn't have the energy any more to be able to do half the things he did before. 

My Dad's CT scan revealed that the cancer has significantly grown in the lungs and liver and treatment will be needed to start urgently. He will be going back onto chemo but it will be done differently this time round it's very hard to understand let alone explain. Luckily it's not spread however it's grown a lot in those organs. But he knew it probably had grown just from systems he'd been having like night sweats, tiredness etc. 

Thank you and like wise :-) 

How's Everyone getting on? 

Not heard from anyone else so was just wondering how everyone's coping? 

Hi Butterfly.

My Mum passed 11 days ago. We had the funeral yesterday. I somehow managed to make it through the day, probably down to my friends and 4 glasses of wine. To be honest, I don't know what to do now. I feel lost.

Hope you're okay

Linsey xxx

Yes, it can be very interesting to read about. It's also quite sickening in a sense. I was reading about how the cancer inhabits the bones and how destructive it can be in the agressive cases. I had always thoughtall cancers were treated the same way with chemo and radiation, I was never one to want to read about cancer becasue it had always scared me. I'm from Canada, and I find that we live in a cancer where we fear even just saying or thinking about the word cancer. This can be a huge diservice becasue then we would find it much more difficult to learn about it. I always thought of cancer as something other people get, so when my dad was diagnosed I was in a state of disbelief and shock. I hope that makes sense, what i'm trying to say!

That's what I'm afraid of what may happen to my dad. My dad has always done things for himself, and he has always been quite active. I'm nervous that him not working could lead to depression and frustration. My dad doesn't have a whole lot of hobbies, though he does like to watch his sports! I'm thinking of finding some hobbies for the family to do together, but I'm also worried about the state my dad is in. I don't want him doing anything too strenous. Since he's my dad, I'm going to worry about him either way. 

I'm sorry to hear that your dad's cancer has grown on his liver and his lungs. How many times has your dad done chemo before? I'm sorry I'm not really sure how it works, though I have heard of people going through chemo. Did he get through the chemo okay before? I have heard it can have a lot of side effects? 

How have you been coping through all of this? We have to try to remember to take care of ourselves too. 

Hi LinseyPimms,

I am sorry to hear that your mom passed away. I offer my condolences. I know there's probably nothing I can say to make you feel better, but I hope you have some people you are able to talk to, and we are always here to chat as well. 

So sorry to hear of your sad news Linsey, absolutely devastated for you. Are people supporting you? I don't know what it feels like but I can almost imagine how hard it is and how lost you feel. I guess like most things it takes time, such a huge gap in your life now so it will be very hard. So sorry you're going through this, please come on here if and when you need to talk. Big hugs to you my lovely! 

I'm not too bad thanks, my dad's not well he's struggling most days...back to chemo next Monday. 

Xxx

Yes likewise I thought all cancers were more or less the same regarding treatment but I guess that goes to show how little I knew about cancer. Definitely more clued up now under the circumstances. I don't necessarily think cancer scared me I just think I was oblivious to it because nobody around me ever had it and it was always something other people got. Oh you're from Canada, I wonder if things are different where you are compared to where I am which is London! That's understandable to worry about your Dad, I think my dad's suffering from depression I guess it's hard not to when they are going through so much. Like your dad my dad doesn't have too many hobbies either although he enjoys gardening and is always fiddling about with tools etc making and fixing things. Can't really recommend hobbies as a fanily as it's not something I've ever thought about, but definitely sounds like a good idea and will be great spending proper time together too. 

It's ok, just one of those things unfortunately. We knew it was going to happen at some point. My dad started chemo May last year until the end of July he had one session every two weeks so in total probably 5 sessions last year. It stopped because he had an emergency operation recovery time was 6 weeks then when that time was up they decided not to put him back onto chemo because the cancer had stabilised meaning it hadn't moved. Then December it started growing again so January he went back onto chemo only had one session then had a stroke and hasn't been on chemo since. But will be going back onto it on Monday. They say third time lucky so we will see! By the way none of the chemo he has had has worked according to the hospital even though he's never really given it a proper go. There's a lot of side effects with chemo but everyone's different my Dad was very tired and immune system was extremely low. 

How am I? Well..I cope. Not sure how I do I guess I take each day as it comes, try to focus on good things rather than bad. I try to stay strong for my family such as my mum who struggles at times. I'd rather appreciate the time now where he's still well than waste it worrying about the future because nobody knows when in the future things will change. I suffer from depression too so that doesn't help much with my feelings. How about you how are you coping? How is your father? X