Hi Makingwaves,

Sorry to read your post about your mum and the problems you're having with being the main point of contact for your mum. 

Some of the things you've already suggested (blogging and emailing) were on the top of my suggestion list, so you're one step ahead of me! 

Is there a way to screen the calls that you're receiving (caller ID / answerphone) so that at least you can take some control back as to whom you speak to. In the early days after my diagnosis  and treatments, my partner and I set up a 'Ring Tree' where my partner rang two or three main people at the top of the tree and then these people were asked to relay the message to another group of people under their name. 

It seemed to work well and took away that onerous task of repeating things over and over again. My partner also said that we would call to arrange visitors, when I felt up to it and he explained that we as a couple needed some space and time to adjust to our new situation .

On the whole, most people were very understanding. As for your question about how to get off the phone . . . that's a tricky one, but ad I've a hands free/portable phone, I've nipped and rung the doorbell before now and said I need to go, or that I need to get ready for a nurse visit or I'm expecting a medical phone call so need to keep the line free. Stretching the truth has saved my stress levels a few times! 

Weekends tend to be quiet on the forum, but hopefully, someone else will be along soon to offer their support. 

Take care, Jo 

Maybe a answer phone.... leave message about mum, so friends can  be update without talking much.

I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through - it must be tremendously difficult for you. I think a 'ring tree' is a brilliant idea and also will make her friends feel like they are helping, which I am sure that they would like to do.

If not, have a word with the hospital and leave an ansaphone message on your phone to direct people to ring the nurses directly for updates. They can also say that visitors are not advised for mum if that is what you decide too.

This is your mum's time with her family, so don't feel bad for others. They are not friends if they don't understand.

All the best x

Hi

For the almost three years that my husband had incurable cancer I too was the point of contact for family and friends (as he travelled the world on business before his cancer diagnosis there were many people far and wide who cared about his progress). I had to explain to everyone that he did not wish to talk about his illness directly and that I could not be constantly updating and so I took the lead and told them that when there was an appointment (initially) and then when his condition changed, I would let them know. I was guilty at times of sending 'group' e mails but on the whole people understood. As my husband did not go into hospital I explained that the phone was best left clear of incoming calls as he would struggle to reach it.

As to how to bring a conversation to a close if it is all getting to much, be honest and tell them how tired you are and that you need some space to help your Mum. As your Mum is in hospital pass on the ward telephone number and they can make direct enquiries as they will be best placed to decide on visiting. (This worked well when my Dad was in the hospital and then the hospice during his own cancer illness).

You may find you get more responses after the weekend as not everyone comes to the forum every day.

All the  best  Jules