Hi

Welcome to this friendly forum though sorry to see the reason for  your joining us.  My husband had terminal cancer and the last few weeks were emotionally hard for all the family as  you would expect. He himself requested the do not resuscitate notice to be placed on his records and gave him peace at least. He chose to stay at home and we managed day to day with changing symptoms. A very hard time for both him and loved ones to go through but we were able to spend precious time with him and I suppose I was on a kind of auto pilot for most of the time.  We were lucky to have good support from GP and community nurses who visited several times a day during the last five days. He was able to share stories with his friends/children and watch the grandchildren play on his last day and these memories we now hold dear. 

Hope you have good support when you get your Dad home and I found it best to say what you feel at every opportunity. My husband liked things to be kept as normal as possible and we did our best through a tremendously sad period of all our lives. He was kept comfortable at home and treated with great dignity by the palliative cummunity team.  I doubt I could have coped without them and the support of family and friends.

No need to apologise on this fourm for we all  need somewhere or someone to offload and share our fears and sadness.  Many of us really to understand. Jules 54

Hi

Welcome to this friendly forum though sorry to see the reason for  your joining us.  My husband had terminal cancer and the last few weeks were emotionally hard for all the family as  you would expect. He himself requested the do not resuscitate notice to be placed on his records and gave him peace at least. He chose to stay at home and we managed day to day with changing symptoms. A very hard time for both him and loved ones to go through but we were able to spend precious time with him and I suppose I was on a kind of auto pilot for most of the time.  We were lucky to have good support from GP and community nurses who visited several times a day during the last five days. He was able to share stories with his friends/children and watch the grandchildren play on his last day and these memories we now hold dear. 

Hope you have good support when you get your Dad home and I found it best to say what you feel at every opportunity. My husband liked things to be kept as normal as possible and we did our best through a tremendously sad period of all our lives. He was kept comfortable at home and treated with great dignity by the palliative cummunity team.  I doubt I could have coped without them and the support of family and friends.

No need to apologise on this fourm for we all  need somewhere or someone to offload and share our fears and sadness.  Many of us really to understand. Jules 54

Hi thankyou for replying I know it has been a few days since but appreciate having people to talk to who truly understand.

I'm sorry you lost your husband, cancer is so cruel.

We have been to see the specialist yesterday who told us he could have as little as 2 weeks. Not a good day yesterday at all. He said before he wanted to be at home and we are waiting for gp and mcmillan to come and see us. My mum is doing all the care and dad is now saying he thinks it would be better if go in hospice as he doesn't want mum to find him gone. Hard to think about!! I don't want to see him not at home.

His mind is working overtime as he wants to make sure mum me my sister and her kids are going to be OK.  So keeps telling us what needs to be done. He is very frightened and I have never seen my dad cry he has always been our rock and it's so hard to know what to say. I keep telling him how much I love him and not to worry about us he made me promise that I'd look after mum. It just feels like a really bad dream. Xx

Hi

I am sad to read  that your Dad's cancer will take him away in a short space of time and know it is frightening place to be right now. What to do, what to say, how to act? I just wanted to let you know that people on the forum do understand and can listen any time you need to share your thoughts/feelings. Whilst it does not make it better, I felt easier in my mind knowing I could 'let it out' somewhere especially when I did not want to worry my own family at such an emotional time.

Your Dad is doing both what my husband did and also my Dad (taken 9 years ago March, also to cancer) in that they do their best to protect their family and give guidance for as long as they can because this is the natural way of things and helps them too. Crying is a natural release of our emotions and we did cry a lot, together and apart I am sure.

I saw both sides of 'care at the end of life' my husband at home and my Dad in a hospice (his request and he was much calmer when he felt he was in 'guiding hands'). When my Dad was in the hospice (around 2 weeks) the staff were supportive of us all, there were no set visiting times and My Mum could have slept there if she had chosen  to  - the atmosphere is, in my experience (two different hospices as I had a young friend who also made this choice) peaceful and caring both for resident and the family.  Your Dad will be your guide as well as the GP/nurses involved  in his wellbeing.

There is nothing I can say that can change how things are just now and sometimes I felt unable to say anything to my Dad or husband - it was all so hard at times . This was when I sad quietly or shared a hug and I know my Mum used to read to my Dad which they found helped them both.  My Dad listened to music to help him relax (was always his favourite past time) whilst my husband used to the TV to occupy his time.

Take all the support you can from those around you and do not be afraid to show and share your emotions. Jules