Hi there and welcome, I'm really sorry to hear about your dad. I lost my dad 12 weeks ago now. It's the worst pain imaginable. Talk to him like you always have. I told my dad on the day of diagnosis how much I loved him and that he's been the best dad in the world to me. I was so glad I did as he passed away a few days later. It's natural to be worried sick because you know what the outcome is which none of us want. Spend as much time with your dad as you possibly can and cherish every moment. Are you aware of all his wishes when he passes? My dad went so suddenly he hadn't done a will, which was a pain and he'd never spoke about funeral wishes. When the time came I arranged all that I thought he would of wanted and just hoped I'd done him justice. I'll be thinking of you all at this tough time in your lives x

Hi

Welcome to this friendly forum though sorry to see the reason for  your joining us.  My husband had terminal cancer and the last few weeks were emotionally hard for all the family as  you would expect. He himself requested the do not resuscitate notice to be placed on his records and gave him peace at least. He chose to stay at home and we managed day to day with changing symptoms. A very hard time for both him and loved ones to go through but we were able to spend precious time with him and I suppose I was on a kind of auto pilot for most of the time.  We were lucky to have good support from GP and community nurses who visited several times a day during the last five days. He was able to share stories with his friends/children and watch the grandchildren play on his last day and these memories we now hold dear. 

Hope you have good support when you get your Dad home and I found it best to say what you feel at every opportunity. My husband liked things to be kept as normal as possible and we did our best through a tremendously sad period of all our lives. He was kept comfortable at home and treated with great dignity by the palliative cummunity team.  I doubt I could have coped without them and the support of family and friends.

No need to apologise on this fourm for we all  need somewhere or someone to offload and share our fears and sadness.  Many of us really to understand. Jules 54

Hi thankyou for replying I know it has been a few days since but appreciate having people to talk to who truly understand.

I'm sorry you lost your husband, cancer is so cruel.

We have been to see the specialist yesterday who told us he could have as little as 2 weeks. Not a good day yesterday at all. He said before he wanted to be at home and we are waiting for gp and mcmillan to come and see us. My mum is doing all the care and dad is now saying he thinks it would be better if go in hospice as he doesn't want mum to find him gone. Hard to think about!! I don't want to see him not at home.

His mind is working overtime as he wants to make sure mum me my sister and her kids are going to be OK.  So keeps telling us what needs to be done. He is very frightened and I have never seen my dad cry he has always been our rock and it's so hard to know what to say. I keep telling him how much I love him and not to worry about us he made me promise that I'd look after mum. It just feels like a really bad dream. Xx

Hi I am really sorry you lost your dad nothing really prepares you for this and you never really think it would happen to you and here we are!

Thank you for replying does mean a lot to know people who truly understand are here to talk x

For a while mum and dad have been preparing for retirement so they have made sure everything is in place mum retired at Christmas dad was trying to get back to work after his treatment. Only managed half a day couple of weeks ago. Mum said dad has always said he wouldn't see past 66yrs he is 65yrs and his birthday is in September. So for a long time wanted things in place although I don't know about what his wishes would be for a his funeral. It just seems like a really bad dream. He keeps bursting into tears and telling us all what we must do for when he has gone

I'm sure your dad would have been very proud of you!! Not something any farther wants to put on his children xx

Hi

I am sad to read  that your Dad's cancer will take him away in a short space of time and know it is frightening place to be right now. What to do, what to say, how to act? I just wanted to let you know that people on the forum do understand and can listen any time you need to share your thoughts/feelings. Whilst it does not make it better, I felt easier in my mind knowing I could 'let it out' somewhere especially when I did not want to worry my own family at such an emotional time.

Your Dad is doing both what my husband did and also my Dad (taken 9 years ago March, also to cancer) in that they do their best to protect their family and give guidance for as long as they can because this is the natural way of things and helps them too. Crying is a natural release of our emotions and we did cry a lot, together and apart I am sure.

I saw both sides of 'care at the end of life' my husband at home and my Dad in a hospice (his request and he was much calmer when he felt he was in 'guiding hands'). When my Dad was in the hospice (around 2 weeks) the staff were supportive of us all, there were no set visiting times and My Mum could have slept there if she had chosen  to  - the atmosphere is, in my experience (two different hospices as I had a young friend who also made this choice) peaceful and caring both for resident and the family.  Your Dad will be your guide as well as the GP/nurses involved  in his wellbeing.

There is nothing I can say that can change how things are just now and sometimes I felt unable to say anything to my Dad or husband - it was all so hard at times . This was when I sad quietly or shared a hug and I know my Mum used to read to my Dad which they found helped them both.  My Dad listened to music to help him relax (was always his favourite past time) whilst my husband used to the TV to occupy his time.

Take all the support you can from those around you and do not be afraid to show and share your emotions. Jules

It breaks my heart reading your words knowing the pain all your family will be going through. It's strange how your dad never thought he would see his 66th birthday, my dad was exactly the same! He had told me on more than occasion that he didn't think he would live that long as his parents both died at 68 & 69 from cancer and leukaemia. My dad died a month before his 65th birthday, totally shocking no age at all. I've spent 12 weeks looking for a letter or something from my dad asking me to look after my mum when he's gone but I've found nothing but I still keep looking but I know there won't be anything. It must break your heart seeing your dad cry knowing what is happening. My dad never told us he was ill. All the time I think of him and how heartbroken he must of been knowing that he was unwell and that he was going to be leaving us all behind. I'll be thinking of you all at this difficult time. I'm sure home is the best place for dad so you can be with him, but appreciate its a personal decision. Take care x