I just wondered if there is anyone else in a similar position to me. My husband has terminal cancer , he is only 52 and this has all started from a dodgy mole discovered in June. I feel I am on a very lonely and scary journey .
Hi Dawn how is your week going? I hope that your husband has completed his radiotherapy ok and good luck with your meeting with the consultant tomorrow. How is his sickness ? I hope that you are coping ok? Have you got some support? We have had a real roller coaster of a week, but we have so much support from various cancer organisations which has been so welcome. I am feeling less alone. My husband is going downhill quite quickly , and I do wonder if he will make it to his next chemo session in 2 weeks time. He had a pump fitted yesterday to give him pain and anti sickness relief and that is certainly helping. Isn't it amazing how quickly our lives have been turned upside down and how you just accept each n ew phase ? Normal life seems a very long time ago now ! I just take each day at a time and gratefully accept every offer of help given. Thinking of you and hoping you are coping at this difficult time. Take care Paddock
I hope you don't mind me joining this conversation - I have been reading your stories and I hope you are both coping ok.
I am in a similar position although in my case there is a lot of questions yet to be answered as we are only at the very beginning of our journey but things are pretty scary for us too.
My husband is 62 and hadn't been well for a while but he is one of these people who just won't go to the doctors... On 16th January he collapsed in town and he had to (reluctantly) go to A&E where they did tests and found a large tumour on the CT scan (colon). We are now waiting for an MRI this Saturday and a colonoscopy next Monday in order to find out how far it has spread but although I am trying very hard to be upbeat, I am not very optimistic as he is so so weak and that's even before we started any treatment yet :( He had to take some iron tablets last week which upset his tummy even more and now that these have stopped (had to stop because of the colonoscopy next week) he was sick last night and had a terrible night. He is skin and bones and won't eat anything. He won't go out either so just stays at home all day sitting down and going to bed at 8.30 but can't sleep at night. When we were at A&E last week they said that his blood count was so low they were considering transfusion but he insisted on going home and they said hopefully the iron tablets would help. Now we are just waiting for the tests and the results probably around a week later in February.
I can hardly cope with this unknown and it breaks my heart to see him so weak. I don't know what to do, I just feel helpless...
We have no children and no family nearby (he hasn't got any family at all except his step-dad who is 82 years old, and my family is abroad). Not many friends either as he was never a very social person and didn't really like to hang out with friends much. I have a lot of people I used to consider as friends (old work colleagues, hobby friends etc.), but this has made me realise how "not close" I am to any of them and I can't really ask anyone for support because, well, they are really more acquaintances than anything else and I don't want to bother them with this as we are not close anyway... Although I have told a couple of work colleagues and they are being very nice to me.
I can't bear thinking of what's going to happen, I know he is scared but he won't admit to it, he doesn't even want to talk about it so I just watch him all white faced and weak and can't say nothing, I am very scared. On top of it I had this feeling of guilt eating at me, but some people on here have made me think about it and realise that it's what I do for Andy now that matters, being here for him, which I am and will be.
Wishing you both a lot of courage and I hope we can all get a little comfort soon.
My husband was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer last July, and that his best option would be to have a whipples procedure as soon as possible. We went on holiday for 2 weeks, where we walked miles as he felt fine apart from stomach pains. On return from holiday he went into hospital for the whipples procedure, which takes 5-7 hours. After 2 hours the hospital called me to return to the hospital. They had not completed the whipples procedure but had only done a biliary bypass. The cancer had already metastised to his liver. We were told he had 6-12 months,(optimistically).
After 7 weeks recovering from the surgery, he had a 14inch cut across his abdomen, chem. was offered.
My husband endured this for 3 weeks, suffering every side effect known. We spent many evening in A &E. before the chemotherapy was stopped. He had lost a lot of weight, his hair and was having problems eating.
After a week in hospital in isolation with a C difficile infection he was very weak.
We then had 3 weeeks with no treatments just pain relief, where he put on weight and built up strength.
He was offered a place on a clinical trial, this lasted 8 weeks, where he lost all ability to eat, his bowel has stopped working and he is now in constant pain.
He is now staying in a hospice most nights, to have his pain managed, to be fed through a nasal tube, which isnot going well. He is still in severe pain.
The hospice care is very good. He desparately wants to be at home all the time and I want him here.
I don't sleep too well currently. I have 2 children, 1 at home, 1 at university. We have no close immediate family, but we do have good close friends.
Friends however close and trying to be helpful, cant help how I feel at times. I can't do much to help my husband, other than be there for him. But I feel my heart is breaking, and in so much emotional pain and physical pain, I struggle to cope at times.
My husband is only 52, his father died of pancreatic cancer at 49, his mother of pancreatic cancer at 68 and his fathers brother of pancreatic cancer at 70. We are having genetic testing done, for the children.
I really don't want to hijack Paddock's thread too much so please do start one yourself to talk about this because I do know something about the stresses of genetic cancer - My wife recently died of a form of ovarian cancer as did her mother and several others in her familly - they were all positive for a gene called BRCA 1 - My daughter has hust had the test and has been found negative!! we're still waiting for my son.
I'm really sorry to hear the chemo has gone so badly for him and it sounds as if you're coming into a tough time especially with limited familly support
You'll find a lot of caring people on line here that you can chat to in the dark times - you'd be surprised how many posts are in the middle of the night - well maybe you'd not be that surprised eh?
Dear Jayne reading your post , is just like listening to myself in parts, my husband is also 52 and was diagnosed with level 2 skin cancer in June from a mole and this was then diagnosed as level 4 in September ! Up until he started chemo treatment in October he was absolutely fine , you would never know he was ill! Unfortunately, his treatment has been unsuccessful and he is deteriorating rapidly and is being moved to a hospice today. I am SO scared as I don't think he will ever come out as he has now lost the strength in his legs and so cannot walk and he has completely lost the use of his right arm. He has agreed to go in to give me respite. His cancer has now spread to his brain, we knew it was in his lymph nodes, liver and bones but this is a recent developments. We have been together 26 years although I have known him since I was 7 years old !We have one son, who has just finished uni and lives away but he is now home to stay for a while. We only moved here 2 years ago as this was our retirement dream, so we have made friends, but like you we have no family close by. We have received loads of support, but this is where I find this forum helpful as you chat to people who get it ! I was so sorry to read your post but i can completely relate to you and I am sending you hugs and support. My heart is breaking watching this dreadful disease take my beloved husband away from me. I feel that I am on an emotional roller coaster that I can't get off. It is scary and it iis lonely, but just take one day at a time, that's all we can do. Everyday I am thankful that we have made it through another day , but today for us will be yet another challenge. Take comfort that there are people out there who do get how you feel and you are not the only one living through this hell. Sending you all my best wishes and keep in touch. My thoughts and best wishes are also to Missydawn and froggy, how are things with you both ??
It is an extremely tuff time and it often seems no one can really help you. You just get along the best way you can work out how to.
I lost my partner to pancreatic cancer 8 weeks ago after fighting the battle against it for 2 years.
Lots of people around do care but don't know how to show it. The best and only advice I can give you is just live life to the full in the two years we knew he had we had 9 foreign holidays. We only got back from our last one four days before he died live life to the full and if he recovers that's even better as it still distracts you from the realities of life.
Hello Roy. We've just had the news that my wife has cancer. Whilst she has been incredibly strong, I have gone to pieces. It's very early days, but the prognosis isn't good. I took comfort in your post. Hopefully we will have enough time left to get out and about to all the places we had dreamed of.
Best Steve
So sorry to hear of your wife's diagnosis. My husband has gone through 3 courses of chemo and is now on trial tablets. He has been extremely strong even though he is not at all well, but I am still in an anxious and depressed state. It affects us all and not everyone understands the emotional trauma involved. Try to stay strong. Best wishes Debbie.
