Dear Paddock and Dawn

My husband was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer last July, and that his best option would be to have a whipples procedure as soon as possible.  We went on holiday for 2 weeks, where we walked miles as he felt fine apart from stomach pains.  On return from holiday he went into hospital for the whipples procedure, which takes 5-7 hours.  After 2 hours the hospital called me to return to the hospital.  They had not completed the whipples procedure but had only done a biliary bypass.  The cancer had already metastised to his liver.  We were told he had 6-12 months,(optimistically).

After 7 weeks recovering from the surgery,  he had a 14inch cut across his abdomen, chem. was offered.

My husband endured this for 3 weeks, suffering every side effect known.  We spent many evening in A &E. before the chemotherapy was stopped.  He had lost a lot of weight, his hair and was having problems eating.

After a week in hospital in isolation with a C difficile infection he was very weak.

We then had 3 weeeks with no treatments just pain relief, where he put on weight and built up strength.

He was offered a place on a clinical trial, this lasted 8 weeks, where he lost all ability to eat, his bowel has stopped working and he is now in constant pain.

He is now staying in a hospice most nights, to have his pain managed, to be fed through a nasal tube, which isnot going well.  He is still in severe pain.

The hospice care is very good.  He desparately wants to be at home all the time and I want him here.

I don't sleep too well currently.  I have 2 children, 1 at home, 1 at university.  We have no close immediate family, but we do have good close friends.

Friends however close and trying to be helpful, cant help how I feel at times.  I can't do much to help my husband, other than be there for him.  But I feel my heart is breaking, and in so much emotional pain and physical pain, I struggle to cope at times.

My husband is only 52,  his father died of pancreatic cancer at 49, his mother of pancreatic cancer at 68 and his fathers brother of pancreatic cancer at 70.  We are having genetic testing done, for the children.

This is a very scary and lonely journey

Hi Jayne

I really don't want to hijack Paddock's thread too much so please do start one yourself to talk about this because I do know something about the stresses of genetic cancer - My wife recently died of a form of ovarian cancer as did her mother and several others in her familly - they were all positive for a gene called BRCA 1 - My daughter has hust had the test and has been found negative!! we're still waiting for my son.

I'm really sorry to hear the chemo has gone so badly for him and it sounds as if you're coming into a tough time especially with limited familly support

You'll find a lot of caring people on line here that you can chat to in the dark times - you'd be surprised how many posts are in the middle of the night - well maybe you'd not be that surprised eh?

Stay strong and post again soon

Hi Jayne

I really don't want to hijack Paddock's thread too much so please do start one yourself to talk about this because I do know something about the stresses of genetic cancer - My wife recently died of a form of ovarian cancer as did her mother and several others in her familly - they were all positive for a gene called BRCA 1 - My daughter has hust had the test and has been found negative!! we're still waiting for my son.

I'm really sorry to hear the chemo has gone so badly for him and it sounds as if you're coming into a tough time especially with limited familly support

You'll find a lot of caring people on line here that you can chat to in the dark times - you'd be surprised how many posts are in the middle of the night - well maybe you'd not be that surprised eh?

Stay strong and post again soon