Dear Paddock and Dawn

My husband was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer last July, and that his best option would be to have a whipples procedure as soon as possible.  We went on holiday for 2 weeks, where we walked miles as he felt fine apart from stomach pains.  On return from holiday he went into hospital for the whipples procedure, which takes 5-7 hours.  After 2 hours the hospital called me to return to the hospital.  They had not completed the whipples procedure but had only done a biliary bypass.  The cancer had already metastised to his liver.  We were told he had 6-12 months,(optimistically).

After 7 weeks recovering from the surgery,  he had a 14inch cut across his abdomen, chem. was offered.

My husband endured this for 3 weeks, suffering every side effect known.  We spent many evening in A &E. before the chemotherapy was stopped.  He had lost a lot of weight, his hair and was having problems eating.

After a week in hospital in isolation with a C difficile infection he was very weak.

We then had 3 weeeks with no treatments just pain relief, where he put on weight and built up strength.

He was offered a place on a clinical trial, this lasted 8 weeks, where he lost all ability to eat, his bowel has stopped working and he is now in constant pain.

He is now staying in a hospice most nights, to have his pain managed, to be fed through a nasal tube, which isnot going well.  He is still in severe pain.

The hospice care is very good.  He desparately wants to be at home all the time and I want him here.

I don't sleep too well currently.  I have 2 children, 1 at home, 1 at university.  We have no close immediate family, but we do have good close friends.

Friends however close and trying to be helpful, cant help how I feel at times.  I can't do much to help my husband, other than be there for him.  But I feel my heart is breaking, and in so much emotional pain and physical pain, I struggle to cope at times.

My husband is only 52,  his father died of pancreatic cancer at 49, his mother of pancreatic cancer at 68 and his fathers brother of pancreatic cancer at 70.  We are having genetic testing done, for the children.

This is a very scary and lonely journey

Dear Jayne reading your post , is just like listening to myself in parts, my husband is also 52 and was diagnosed with level 2 skin cancer in June from a mole and this was then diagnosed as level 4 in September ! Up until he started chemo treatment in October he was absolutely fine , you would never know he was ill! Unfortunately, his treatment has been unsuccessful and he is deteriorating rapidly and is being moved to a hospice today. I am SO scared as I don't think he will ever come out as he has now lost the strength in his legs and so cannot walk and he has completely lost the use of his right arm. He has agreed to go in to give me respite. His cancer has now spread to his brain, we knew it was in his lymph nodes, liver and bones but this is a recent developments. We have been together 26 years although I have known him since I was 7 years old !We have one son, who has just finished uni and lives away but he is now home to stay for a while. We only moved here 2 years ago as this was our retirement dream, so we have made friends, but like you we have no family close by. We have received loads of support, but this is where I find this forum helpful as you chat to people who get it ! I was so sorry to read your post but i can completely relate to you and I am sending you hugs and support. My heart is breaking watching this dreadful disease take my beloved husband away from me. I feel that I am on an emotional roller coaster that I can't get off. It is scary and it iis lonely, but just take one day at a time, that's all we can do. Everyday I am thankful that we have made it through another day , but today for us will be yet another challenge. Take comfort that there are people out there who do get how you feel and you are not the only one living through this hell. Sending you all my best wishes and keep in touch.                                                                   My thoughts and best wishes are also to Missydawn and froggy, how are things with you both ?? 

Dear Jayne reading your post , is just like listening to myself in parts, my husband is also 52 and was diagnosed with level 2 skin cancer in June from a mole and this was then diagnosed as level 4 in September ! Up until he started chemo treatment in October he was absolutely fine , you would never know he was ill! Unfortunately, his treatment has been unsuccessful and he is deteriorating rapidly and is being moved to a hospice today. I am SO scared as I don't think he will ever come out as he has now lost the strength in his legs and so cannot walk and he has completely lost the use of his right arm. He has agreed to go in to give me respite. His cancer has now spread to his brain, we knew it was in his lymph nodes, liver and bones but this is a recent developments. We have been together 26 years although I have known him since I was 7 years old !We have one son, who has just finished uni and lives away but he is now home to stay for a while. We only moved here 2 years ago as this was our retirement dream, so we have made friends, but like you we have no family close by. We have received loads of support, but this is where I find this forum helpful as you chat to people who get it ! I was so sorry to read your post but i can completely relate to you and I am sending you hugs and support. My heart is breaking watching this dreadful disease take my beloved husband away from me. I feel that I am on an emotional roller coaster that I can't get off. It is scary and it iis lonely, but just take one day at a time, that's all we can do. Everyday I am thankful that we have made it through another day , but today for us will be yet another challenge. Take comfort that there are people out there who do get how you feel and you are not the only one living through this hell. Sending you all my best wishes and keep in touch.                                                                   My thoughts and best wishes are also to Missydawn and froggy, how are things with you both ??