Hi Tilly I am so sorry to hear about your mum. Each of us makes our own choices , I believe, based on what we think will be best and I hope you come to a decision about how to manage this difficult situation that works for you. I am not sure other people can guide you but what I would say is I lost my mum in similar circumstances a little while ago now and one of the great comforts for me has been that my sister and I were there, as mum wanted, throughout her last days and whilst I do have some vivid memories I have found them to be comforting. Wishing you comfort in whatever you decide. X

Hi Pauline and California, thank you for your advice. After thinking and stressing lots and speaking to close friends and the nursing staff looking after mum I've decided to stay with the last memory I have of mum and not to be there when she dies. Everyday dad says she gets worse and he has my brother there for support who wasn't as close to mum and a doctor. My children are very low at the moment and I feel I need to be close to them as they too are struggling. We have spent most of their school holiday travelling back and to to hospital as mum is in hospital nearly 200 miles away and each time we visit we go there and back in a day. I I feel sad I won't see mum again but I know I will in the future and she will always be in my heart and memories. We had such a special bond and I know she would want me to do what I feel is right and she always said God will only give you what you can handle and I feel we left at peace the other day. 

Oh, Tilly, bless you, if that is your decision then that is right for you.  We are, indeed, all different and your mum will understand and, I am sure agree.  

I do hope your dear mum will not suffer and you will both be at peace. x 

I think you have made the correct decision for your children - you know only too well how being exposed to this sort of situation at such a young age has affected you -  your Dad should not have  made you be with his mother when she passed, that is a completely unnecessary thing to put a 12yr old through.  Being surrounded by all this sadness and family arguments is something that you should protect your children from and thank goodness you have.

I hope your father and brother accept your decision and this doesn't cause more upset at this difficult time.  Your Mum needs to be their only focus at the moment.  I hope  the hospital can keep her comfortable and her passing is peaceful.  Sending you love x

Hi Pauline4 and Max56. Thank you so much for your lovely comments they made me cry. I feel so relieved that others see how difficult it is as I feel so guilty. I know I have made the right decision for my children as I can see in their lovely little eyes they feel sad and I know they are upset about mum but mostly because I am sad. It's awful being so far away and waiting for that telephone call I've brought all the phones to bed with me! I miss mum more than life already I don't know how we will get through the next days, months, weeks, years and for the rest of our lives. My stomach constantly churns as I can't believe this is happening.  I just hope mum doesn't think I have abandoned her as this is not the case it's more I'm trying to protect my children's little innocent minds and hearts from losing their Nanna and also I couldn't cope to see her die so I'm protecting my memories from losing my wonderful mum.