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Keeping it normal at Christmas

Koopmanclan
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I am really struggling. ...After along few months with my Mum in and out of hospital  ...brain surgery. ...lazer ....We were told the news yesterday it has spread further.  It is so heart breaking to go through so much then be told there is more.   She home now and we have meetings after x.mas to discuss next steps.  But it is sooo hard to be "normal " when we know what is going on under the surface.     I keep trying to pinch my self it is a nightmare as everyone on this forum probably does.     Just so hard.  The pressure of possibly having our last "Christmas " is getting too me. ....how can I make it special ???

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    I'm sure it will be special by you just being there for her.  I'm finding it incredibly difficult.  My Father-in-Law is very ill, dying, and we haven't a timescale.  Could be tomorrow, Christmas Day, NYD....we simply don't know.  He is currently bed ridden in a hospice.  Sleeps for most of the time, and doesn't eat very much at all. The thing is, this is my favourite time of year, and whilst I am there for my husband, 110%...I am still trying to allow us that little bit of normality in our lives.  Yet, I feel incredibly guilty when playing Christmas songs, I have taken to playing them upstairs out of earshot, as I don't want him to think I'm being disrespectful by playing them.  I get excited about Christmas, then the next minute I'm brought back to reality when thinking of the situation and feel awful with myself for feeling joyous under the circumstances.  It sucks!  Just by spending the day with your Mum will mean more to her than anything, of that I am sure x

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    Hi,

    Your post really struck a chord with me. Some years ago my mother was in hospital with terminal cancer at this time of year. One evening while I was there, a group of carol singers came round from a local youth club. My mother loved it even though she was very ill, for she always loved Christmas. It was so hard for me realizing it would be her last Christmas and I really struggled to hold back the tears while they were singing. I realized afterwards, she must have felt exactly the same too and I felt realy guilty for thinking only about myself and not considering how she must have felt.

    Probably the best way is to spend as much time with her as you can and to try and put on a brave face though I know how hard it is to do. You obviously love your mother so let her see that by the little things you do for her.

    I really do feel for people in your situation. It hard at any time of year but always seems worse at Christmas.

    Sending kind thoughts and best wishes to you and your family, Brian.

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    Hi

    Being with your Mum will be as special as it gets.  It's so hard to go through this at any time but so much harder when it's at this time of year.  This time last year  my husband was entering the final  stages of his three year journey with cancer and though  no one mentioned 'how long' he was extremely frail and unable to eat Christmas meal being on a mainly liquid diet.  He did, however, enjoy being within the family and it was not a 'normal' Christmas (whatever that should be) but it was the best we could make it. We still had the ritual of opening presents, chatting to relatives on the phone and sharing a tin of sweets as we watched the 'naff' stuff on the tv.

    There is no doubting that none of this is easy and we did ask my husband how he would like to spend Christmas and then followed his lead.  I wonder if you Mum would just appreciate it if you were able to share your thoughts with her and let her still be Mum.

    The forum and the people within it are very supportive and I hope you find it helpful. Jules54

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