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My dad (lung cancer)

andy72
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Hi feeling very low today , my dad is just sleeping most of the day , and up most of the night , he does not like a dark room , the docs say his lung cancer has not got any worse but he is going down hill everyday i just hope he makes xmas , iam worried sick  about him and its starting to take its toll on family life my wife & myself are hardly speaking as iam so low , iam off on holiday for the rest of the year and i might just go back to work as will go mad in the house , i would go down to my mum & dads but still cant except he has cancer and he is going to die probadly in the next couple of weeks , thanks x

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    Andy, it is so very difficult because everyone reacts differently.   It would be nice for your dad I am sure, if you could spend some time with him and perhaps just let him know you are there and I am sure your mum would appreciate it too.  If your dad only has a short time you really need to make your peace now as, when he is no longer with you, you may feel sorry that you didnt.

    Why don't you plan to make Christmas a good time, with your wife and mum and dad.  Just so you have some good memories for the future.

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    Hi there Andy, welcome to the forum and I'm so sorry to hear that your Dad is failing. Pauline has given you some good advice there and you really would be wise to listen to that. I know that checking out right now is so much easier for you on the short term, but it will certainly be a lot harder on the long term. For those of us who  have been through this, take my word for it, spending time with your Dad right now is good for him, but even better for you in the long run. Sure it's hard to watch him gradually fade away and that is so hard to see. If he sees you become emotional while with him, that's ok. Perhaps the two of you can have a good cry together and then have a game of cards or something. Think about how he must be feeling right now and even though he may give the impression that he wants to be alone, he really doesn't. Also, talk to your wife about how you're feeling and ask her to be patient and supportive to you as you go through this difficult time. What's going to happen, will happen eventually, and there isn't anything obviously that anyone can do about it, but all you have is right now and what you do with this time will make all the difference in the world, to him and to you.

    Come back on here any time and get support from people on here who are, or have been through what you are going through now.

    Take care.

    Lorraine

     

  • Offline in reply to Pauline4

    Hi Pauline , just to let you know we had a great xmas , had a good laugh , opened all the presents together , i think i need to man up a bit xx

  • Offline in reply to LorraineD

    Hi Lorraine , we all had a great xmas ,i had a talk with my wife about my feelings and its sorted now .thanks x

  • Offline in reply to andy72

    Oh, Andy, what great news, I am sure you and all the family feel so much better.  Why should you 'man up', it's your dad and you are entitled to feel emotional.  With best wishes to you and all your family.  Please come back and talk to us. x

  • Offline in reply to andy72

    Hi there,

    I felt compelled to reply to this thread as I recently lost my father to lung cancer which spread to his liver. He also had developed early dementia and suffered with glaucoma. He really suffered and I didn't get the chance to see him. He was estranged from his first family for 17 years so I only learned of his terminal illness after he had passed away. I cannot stress how I regret not being able to know that he was terminally ill and that I could have seen him one last time. I was told that he didn't want anyone to see him in his final days but I would dearly have loved to have had the opportunity. I didn't.

    Prior to his funeral, I did visit him in a private viewing at the resting home and at that point I broke down, as it didn't look like my father, lying there in his casket. I know it's a bit stange but my sister took a picture of him and I now look at it several times and it is strangely comforting. What I will end saying is that it's great that you have managed to reach out and try and have this relationship continue with your dad, no matter the quality of the sessions. You'll never regret it and although I wish things were different, they cannot now be changed. While I learned of my father's passing, I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer the same week as the funeral, so alot was happening at the same time. (Mammogram,biopsy, ultrasound, diagnosis of DCIS with forthcoming WLE operation in December 2015; of which I am now recovering - awaiting results and next steps).

    Cherish the moments that you create and celebrate the life your father and you have had/will continue to have.   

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