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My wife has metastatic colorectal cancer

Greeneyedman
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Hi everyone

I'm new to this site but wanted to see if there was a way I can find out what others have been through and how to best deal with it.

3 months ago my wife and I were informed that she had cancer of the bowel and also extensive shadows on her liver but would know more after a colonoscopy. This followed and results confirmed that she had metastatic colorectal cancer (stage 4). The news was like a bomb had gone off - absolutely devastated to say the least.

The doctor asked if we had suspected this news. Why on earth would we suspect that? I mean, my wife had been violently sick (wretching for weeks and losing weight) but just put it down to a bad virus or something. Reading up on it now, symptoms arise when its at the advanced stage.

I spoke to oncologist on my own as my wife didnt want to know too much. He said that due to the extent of cancer on her liver (in 6 places and covering half of her liver) it cant be operated on at all due to there not being enough healthy liver left to rebuild itself. The only route we can go down is palliative and involved chemotherapy. I also asked the prognosis and informed me it was likely to be 18-24 months due to the metastasis of the liver. A life I can't comprehend bringing up my two children without their mother who is only in her early 30's. How unfair!

I have tried to discuss things with her but think she thinks im just being negative and all her friends are saying she can beat this and she is a fighter and everything will be okay. Just feels like I cant win. Im really struggling to accept any of this and just want to crawl in a hole away from everyone and everything. Something I know I can't do as I work full time and have two young children. I love her so much and feel so, so helpless that I cant do anything to rid her of this retchid disease. I'm her husband and is my job to protect her and I can't even do that.

I've even visited Macmillan and briefly spoken to them but just can't open up properly with them. They did offer to meet up with families in similar circumstances but I just don't want to and in fact, can't.  I just can't. 

She has now finished her first 3 months of chemotherapy (Folfiri) and had very minor side effects apart from mouth ulcers, odd sickness feeling in morning and lots of tiredness the few days after chemo session. Is it normal to go through chemo with hardly any side effects or is it still early?

She's just had a ct scan and been told that there was partial response and nothing showing in the bowel area and shrinkage in the liver tumours. She said she planned to celebrate with her friends and later accused me of not being happy about the news. I was happy that it has shrunk the tumour a bit but the fact is, she stll has metastatic colorectal cancer and it can't be cured. It's almost like shes been told she is cured and the cancer has completely gone. I have to try and stay focused and keep some realism to the situation as I know cancer can do so much damage and change very quickly. Does that make me a bad person?

Can the cancer go from partial response to start growing again through next phase of chemo? Is it still too early to tell if everything is going to plan?

Has anyone else been in similar situation or any advice which would be greatly appreciated. Thankyou and sorry for going on a bit. Just feel a bit lost at the moment :-(

Parents
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    Hi there, I can really empathise with your situation. My hubby who is in his early forties has advanced stomach cancer.....and he is dealing with it in a similar way to your wife. I so admire his strength and positivity and belief it can be beaten, but it is like he is blinkered in a way and not really hearing what the prognosis is. I'm just so up and down with it all, working, looking after 2 young boys and just generally holding it together. We won't know how well the chemo is going for a few more weeks after his scan, so just getting through each day - existing not really living as such. We are in very challenging and emotional situations but we have to find strength,Les hope we both get some positivity from future scans etc, you just never know - everyone's journey is different. All the best 

  • Offline in reply to louise15

    Hi Louise

    I'm sorry to hear about your husband also. Well my wife was due to have chemo this morning but at tea time yesterday she suddenly had the shakes and her temperature was boiling so we decided it best she goes to a&e and get checked out. They kept her in overnight, ran some tests, gave her fluids etc and was discharged this morning thankfully.

    It just shows a small cold can certainly knock them off their feet. It was a bit of a scare really and thats why I feel I must remain cautious as we just never know what is going to happen. Her chemo has now been put back a week. Think it must have been a little bit of a wake up call slightly (without trying to sound harsh). I too admire that she wants to remain positive etc but I at the moment am just so exhausted with it all, I need to get away shortly on my own without sounding selfish.

    I work full time and want to remain that way as it keeps my mind occupied, then when I get home and put the tv on, the soaps have got cancer storylines, there are adverts for cancer and to be honest I just don't want to hear about it. Never heard the dreaded 'C' word so much in all my life.

    I hope your husbands scan brings you some good news and will no doubt speak again soon.

    Take care and sorry for the rant.

  • Offline in reply to Greeneyedman

     

    Hi, sounds like a very crap day. Indeed even a cold can knock them about. My hubby has had a chest infection for nearly 2 weeks that he can't shake off, side effects of that have been worse than the chemo. Your right at every turn at the minute there is something about cancer, I too am bloody drained and fed up with it!!! It can go do one....      

    Mini rant over

     

               

     

     

     

     

Reply
  • Offline in reply to Greeneyedman

     

    Hi, sounds like a very crap day. Indeed even a cold can knock them about. My hubby has had a chest infection for nearly 2 weeks that he can't shake off, side effects of that have been worse than the chemo. Your right at every turn at the minute there is something about cancer, I too am bloody drained and fed up with it!!! It can go do one....      

    Mini rant over

     

               

     

     

     

     

Children
  • Offline in reply to louise15

    Hi Louise15

    I know just how you feel darling. When my husband was having his chemo treatment he got one infection after another. I was convinced that it was in his PICC line. I promise you Louise once his chemo stops he will get back to his old self. Chemo is a *** but neccessary..Keep going, he will have gallons of anti biotics but in the end he will get better.

    Kind regards

    Gillie

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