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My wife has metastatic colorectal cancer

Greeneyedman
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Hi everyone

I'm new to this site but wanted to see if there was a way I can find out what others have been through and how to best deal with it.

3 months ago my wife and I were informed that she had cancer of the bowel and also extensive shadows on her liver but would know more after a colonoscopy. This followed and results confirmed that she had metastatic colorectal cancer (stage 4). The news was like a bomb had gone off - absolutely devastated to say the least.

The doctor asked if we had suspected this news. Why on earth would we suspect that? I mean, my wife had been violently sick (wretching for weeks and losing weight) but just put it down to a bad virus or something. Reading up on it now, symptoms arise when its at the advanced stage.

I spoke to oncologist on my own as my wife didnt want to know too much. He said that due to the extent of cancer on her liver (in 6 places and covering half of her liver) it cant be operated on at all due to there not being enough healthy liver left to rebuild itself. The only route we can go down is palliative and involved chemotherapy. I also asked the prognosis and informed me it was likely to be 18-24 months due to the metastasis of the liver. A life I can't comprehend bringing up my two children without their mother who is only in her early 30's. How unfair!

I have tried to discuss things with her but think she thinks im just being negative and all her friends are saying she can beat this and she is a fighter and everything will be okay. Just feels like I cant win. Im really struggling to accept any of this and just want to crawl in a hole away from everyone and everything. Something I know I can't do as I work full time and have two young children. I love her so much and feel so, so helpless that I cant do anything to rid her of this retchid disease. I'm her husband and is my job to protect her and I can't even do that.

I've even visited Macmillan and briefly spoken to them but just can't open up properly with them. They did offer to meet up with families in similar circumstances but I just don't want to and in fact, can't.  I just can't. 

She has now finished her first 3 months of chemotherapy (Folfiri) and had very minor side effects apart from mouth ulcers, odd sickness feeling in morning and lots of tiredness the few days after chemo session. Is it normal to go through chemo with hardly any side effects or is it still early?

She's just had a ct scan and been told that there was partial response and nothing showing in the bowel area and shrinkage in the liver tumours. She said she planned to celebrate with her friends and later accused me of not being happy about the news. I was happy that it has shrunk the tumour a bit but the fact is, she stll has metastatic colorectal cancer and it can't be cured. It's almost like shes been told she is cured and the cancer has completely gone. I have to try and stay focused and keep some realism to the situation as I know cancer can do so much damage and change very quickly. Does that make me a bad person?

Can the cancer go from partial response to start growing again through next phase of chemo? Is it still too early to tell if everything is going to plan?

Has anyone else been in similar situation or any advice which would be greatly appreciated. Thankyou and sorry for going on a bit. Just feel a bit lost at the moment :-(

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    Hi there, welcome to the forum, but sorry for the reason you are here. I'll be perfectly honest; your wife's cancer sounds like it is really serious and you seem to have accepted that. I know that the treatment will in all likelihood, prolong her life and for how long no one can be sure. I can understand how concerned you are with the long term prognosis for her. You love her and as her husband you feel responsible for "taking care of her and protecting her", but you can't do the impossible. Of course, you are also concerned for your young children and how you will manage to work and also take care of them. I wish I had a magic wand, but I don't. Your wife is so young to be dealing with such a serious disease. Of course she is optimistic about her future and she is encouraged in this thinking by her friends. Right now she needs to believe that she can beat this. She also is worried about you and her children, as well as herself and maybe right now she just can't think of a time when she won't be around for you and them. As hard as this is for you, you need to let her set the tome for how she views the future outcome of her disease. At some point she may have to face the fact that this is really serious, but if that happens, you need to be there for her and support her through every stage of her illness. Who knows; her outcome may not be as bad as it seems and because she is so young, treatment may be able to keep her alive for a long time to come. I hope you can start to take one day at a time because this cancer thing is a real roller coaster ride for all of us.

    I hope you have family and friends around you for support through this difficult journey, not only for your wife, but also for your children and yourself. Come on here to the forum and get support from others in the same or similar situation as you are. It does help to talk with others who are also struggling. All of us are dealing with cancer in some way; either we have it ourselves, or are caring for loved ones with it.

    Take care of yourself.

    Lorraine    

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    Hi there, welcome to the forum, but sorry for the reason you are here. I'll be perfectly honest; your wife's cancer sounds like it is really serious and you seem to have accepted that. I know that the treatment will in all likelihood, prolong her life and for how long no one can be sure. I can understand how concerned you are with the long term prognosis for her. You love her and as her husband you feel responsible for "taking care of her and protecting her", but you can't do the impossible. Of course, you are also concerned for your young children and how you will manage to work and also take care of them. I wish I had a magic wand, but I don't. Your wife is so young to be dealing with such a serious disease. Of course she is optimistic about her future and she is encouraged in this thinking by her friends. Right now she needs to believe that she can beat this. She also is worried about you and her children, as well as herself and maybe right now she just can't think of a time when she won't be around for you and them. As hard as this is for you, you need to let her set the tome for how she views the future outcome of her disease. At some point she may have to face the fact that this is really serious, but if that happens, you need to be there for her and support her through every stage of her illness. Who knows; her outcome may not be as bad as it seems and because she is so young, treatment may be able to keep her alive for a long time to come. I hope you can start to take one day at a time because this cancer thing is a real roller coaster ride for all of us.

    I hope you have family and friends around you for support through this difficult journey, not only for your wife, but also for your children and yourself. Come on here to the forum and get support from others in the same or similar situation as you are. It does help to talk with others who are also struggling. All of us are dealing with cancer in some way; either we have it ourselves, or are caring for loved ones with it.

    Take care of yourself.

    Lorraine    

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