i lost my nan through lung cancer

Hi Jaykay,

welcome to this friendly forum. I know some mothers can be very independant and dont like accepting help.

I can understand how you feel to a degree as my father, who lives in Canada has just been transfered to a hospice and my sister has told me he has only weeks left.

I hope other will reply to you and please come on here anytime you need to, Brian

Dad has now been taken into respite care after the whole weekend of mum me and my brother trying to lift him up trying to get him to wee in the urinal, He has wet the bed bounced his head of the wall and made it bleed tried to go the loo and fell. It turns out he also has a severe urine infection. No one knew. Doctors, nurses, everyone said it was the cancer. No one came. Mom sat on the phone to 111 for 6 hours on Sunday night trying to get a doctor out to my dad. At least 48 hours we struggled on our own. Where were the professionals. Where were social services. Where were the end of life carers. I am disgusted.

Hi Jaykay,
So sorry to see the reason why you have joined the forum.
It is good news that dad has been taken into respite care but I am concerned as to why it took so long for help to be offered and really feel for you and your family.
I think as "carers" we need to be aware of correct terminology to use when asking for help/resources but that knowledge unfortunately comes with experience.
When I called 000 for help they were here within an hour ,  long time when you are waiting for help.  Is dad registered with local palliative care unit?  Are you getting any help from them.
Can point you in correct direction for more assistance but really the professionals should be doing this not an untrained person like me.
Best wishes
Kathy x
 

Hi Jakay,

I am sorry to read about the problems you had over the weekend. There has been a large piece in one of the papers today about the 111 service or lack of it.

At least your dad is in the best place for everyone. They are very good at sorting out pain relief and have a much higher ratio of staff than hospitals. Since I last spoke My brother in law who also has prostate cancer has gone into a hospice for respite care.

Please let us know how your dad gets on, Brian.

Hi Jaykay

Just feel awful that you have had such a traumatic experience over the weekend and could not get any help from the 111 service (only used them once when my hubby passed away and it took over seven hours for a doctor to come out to write certificate). Having said that without my community nurse who I rang and she came within 15 minutes, I would have felt much as you did. I am afraid I would have dialled 999 as you were facing a real life emergency and you can make an official complaint regarding the 111 service.  I was offered this by the 'duty manager' when after 6hrs (the  maximum anyone should have to wait for a doctor to attend apparently) I demanded to speak to 'someone with authority'.  

  Its good news that your Dad is now receiving respite care at what is such a difficult time for him, your Mum and the family as a whole. My husband had a palliative care team but it was his GP/community nurses who looked after him in the last couple of days and they were brilliant. I hope you never have to go through such trauma again but its a sad fact that you have to know who to call/what to say (as Kathy has already noted). Social Services have an out of hours emergency line in our area and we had  a key safe fitted within hours to enable carers to gain access if I was out.  You can also apply for  panic button (for your Mum to wear) which connects to a phone line (my elderly mother had this when she lived alone) and they in turn can contact named keyholder if needs be (Age UK arranged this for her).

Hope coming to the forum is helping with having somewhere to go to let of steam and you have every right to feel let down and disgusted. Sending a hug. Jules54