I don't know what to do...

My dad has terminal cancer and recently has taken a turn for the worst, he is constantly beign sick and cannot eat solid foods anymore. I feel that there may not be long left. 

Prior to his rapid deterioration, I had booked two holidays, which span over three weeks and I really don't know whether to go now or not. I have other people relying on me to go etc. But I want to spend as much time as possible with my dad. He says he wants me to go, but idk what to do. As well as this, I am going to university at the end of September, which will further reduce the time I can spend with him. 

I hate this wretched disease, why does it have to destroy so many lives!!! I am so angry, upset, frustrated all at the same time and I don't know if I will even be able to cope with university when the worst occurs. He is honestly the nicest man I ever will know, even this disease has not changed his lovely personality. I AM SO ANGRY. WHHY does this have to happen to the loveliest people, yet there are absolutely disgusting people who still get to roam this Earth. If family members weren't depending on me for strength, I wouldn't hesitate to terminate my stay on this planet.

 

EDIT: I don't know what I aim to achieve from posting this, I am just sat here crying (a regular occurence nowadays, and yes I'm male). Prior to this disgusting disease, I had not cried since for about a decade.

 

EDIT: OK, now I've pulled myself together and this thread is already embarrassing... but true.

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  • Hi OC

    All your emotions are quite normal, take some releif that cancer also affects bad and nasty people too! You have also learned that you have responsibilities in life and cant just be selfish and kill yourself, because others depend on you. Also your death would be more devastating to your father than his cancer is. Obey your fathers wishes and take that holiday, it will be good for you and those going with you. Whatever happens, make your father and mother proud, go to university and work hard for a first class degree, visit home as often as you can. Make sure that the hospital are aware your dad needs help with nausea.

  • Don't worry, I wouldn't harm myself, it was just one of those comments I made in rage/ sadness. They are aware of his nausea and he has now been prescribed nutrition shakes/ drinks and been advised only to eat soft foods. I am going to attend university where I'll be studing biomedical science (who knows, one day I may contribute to the cure of this disease :D), I know he is very proud. Thank you for your reply, this thread was a result of early morning over-thinking.

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  • Don't worry, I wouldn't harm myself, it was just one of those comments I made in rage/ sadness. They are aware of his nausea and he has now been prescribed nutrition shakes/ drinks and been advised only to eat soft foods. I am going to attend university where I'll be studing biomedical science (who knows, one day I may contribute to the cure of this disease :D), I know he is very proud. Thank you for your reply, this thread was a result of early morning over-thinking.

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