I don't know what to do...

My dad has terminal cancer and recently has taken a turn for the worst, he is constantly beign sick and cannot eat solid foods anymore. I feel that there may not be long left. 

Prior to his rapid deterioration, I had booked two holidays, which span over three weeks and I really don't know whether to go now or not. I have other people relying on me to go etc. But I want to spend as much time as possible with my dad. He says he wants me to go, but idk what to do. As well as this, I am going to university at the end of September, which will further reduce the time I can spend with him. 

I hate this wretched disease, why does it have to destroy so many lives!!! I am so angry, upset, frustrated all at the same time and I don't know if I will even be able to cope with university when the worst occurs. He is honestly the nicest man I ever will know, even this disease has not changed his lovely personality. I AM SO ANGRY. WHHY does this have to happen to the loveliest people, yet there are absolutely disgusting people who still get to roam this Earth. If family members weren't depending on me for strength, I wouldn't hesitate to terminate my stay on this planet.

 

EDIT: I don't know what I aim to achieve from posting this, I am just sat here crying (a regular occurence nowadays, and yes I'm male). Prior to this disgusting disease, I had not cried since for about a decade.

 

EDIT: OK, now I've pulled myself together and this thread is already embarrassing... but true.

Parents
  • Hi Oc

    Am sorry to read the reason for your visiting the forum and hope you can find some support here. As Jo says no need to feel embarrassed about posting real feelings and emotions that are rocking you just now. We all need to offload at times and crying is a natural release.  When my husband had a terminal diagnosis I came he to vent, explore and try and understand and have found so much understanding when sometimes its just too difficult to let it out in the real world.

    Making day to day decisions as to whether you should take your holiday is something my daughter and family  had to do last Christmas (she was due to be at her inlaws).  Her Dad told her to go and carry on with the plans as it would be the best thing for him to know she was doing 'normal stuff'.  She honoured his wishes (though found the time away emotionally draining) and phoned me every day and visited us as soon as she came back.  Her Dad enjoyed hearing all about it as it gave him something to focus on other that the b...... illness.  You will make the decision that is right for you.

    My husband had difficulty eating for some weeks and was prescribed nutritional shakes by his GP and coped better with sloppy food - soups, custard, smoothies, ice cream which were easier to swallow and digest.

    Once at Uni (well done on achieving a place) they will have someone you can talk to if you wish so do not be afraid to ask for support.  Sending a virtual hug and if it helps keep posting.Jules

     

Reply
  • Hi Oc

    Am sorry to read the reason for your visiting the forum and hope you can find some support here. As Jo says no need to feel embarrassed about posting real feelings and emotions that are rocking you just now. We all need to offload at times and crying is a natural release.  When my husband had a terminal diagnosis I came he to vent, explore and try and understand and have found so much understanding when sometimes its just too difficult to let it out in the real world.

    Making day to day decisions as to whether you should take your holiday is something my daughter and family  had to do last Christmas (she was due to be at her inlaws).  Her Dad told her to go and carry on with the plans as it would be the best thing for him to know she was doing 'normal stuff'.  She honoured his wishes (though found the time away emotionally draining) and phoned me every day and visited us as soon as she came back.  Her Dad enjoyed hearing all about it as it gave him something to focus on other that the b...... illness.  You will make the decision that is right for you.

    My husband had difficulty eating for some weeks and was prescribed nutritional shakes by his GP and coped better with sloppy food - soups, custard, smoothies, ice cream which were easier to swallow and digest.

    Once at Uni (well done on achieving a place) they will have someone you can talk to if you wish so do not be afraid to ask for support.  Sending a virtual hug and if it helps keep posting.Jules

     

Children
  • Hi Jules, I am very sorry about your husband. Thanks for taking the time to respond, I think I'll probably go ahead as planned with these holidays, as my father wishes. When I get to university, I definitely plan on visiting home as much as possible (seen as it's only about a 40-minute drive away).