Hi Cheryl

We have spoken before on another thread and I can almost feel your anguish.

Was sorry to hear the news that your husband's radiotherapy had not worked and that now he is faced with the horrendous side effects that his chemo has had.  Of course he is the one with cancer but the whole family is also affected by the changes that are happening.  My hubby had chemo and was a changed man too (but I did not have the added responsibility of looking after family as my kids were adults) and I felt like I was escaping when I went to work (then felt guilty for feeling that way!).Hopefully the anti-sickness drugs will help for the next round.  Has your husband been given a chemo diary to fill in?  We had one and mentioned everything that he suffered and though it was like taking a cocktail of drugs some did help relieve symptoms. Its so very hard to witness his struggle as well as having to take on all that day to day life's stresses brings.  I coped,  day by day and even, sometimes hour by hour during the worst times but first and foremost told myself that it is always the cancer and it treatment causing the problem and that the lovely man you know and love is there on the inside and he does not like the situation either. You little lad does not really understand (my grandson was 3 at time of grandad's  diagnosis and though he had no problems with toileting, he did not understand why grandad could not still play and laugh as he had.  My daughter sat him down and explained about his illness in words he could relate to and we managed this going forward as circumstances changed.  I am sure your teenage daughter is frightened by her Dad's illness and only trying to cope by distancing herself.  There is a chat forum for teenagers called Rip Rapp which she might find useful  (where she can chat with people her own age who will understand what she is going through).

  I wish I had a magic wand to make things easier but really hope that the treatment works for your husband and can improve his quality of life with this rotten illness that is causing you all such heartache.Sending you a virtual hug and come and offload when necessary (I was very much a regular during the torrid times and often cried as I typed but did find it helped with the emotions to let it out somewhere!!). Jules x

Hi Cheryl

I don't really have anything useful to add to what Jules has said. As she says - she has been through this part of the journey so she has the wisdom of experience. 

I am experiencing a grumpy husband too but I don't have the added strain of coping with a family too as my daughter is grown up and our grandaughter is only 13 months old so really too young to have any grasp on the situation. That said in her own little way she must be confused as to why her beloved Paapaa is no longer the happy smiling man he was. 

This is one of those times when PMs would be helpful. I have found it particularly helpful to have personal contact with new found friends via email or text as sometimes you just want to vent off steam in private or share more personal details or just chat about normal things (although Im not sure what normal is anymore). 

I have found a group on Facebook for cancer carers. It's a small not too busy group which I have found very useful. Perhaps you could find such a support group helpful? 

Our Macmillan community nurse gave me a leaflet for a carers group  in our county (Lincolnshire) It has Lincolnshire county council logo on it so I'm assuming it's a local authority thing. A friend in Yorkshire says there's something similar in operation in his area. Perhaps you could ask your Macmillan nurse if one operates in your area if you haven't already done so?

Please don't be afraid to come on to these forums and rant and moan and vent and say whatever you feel you need to. Nobody here will judge you. We will support you as best we can. You are amongst friends here

Sending you good wishes and virtual hugs

Netty

Hi ladies, thanks for taking the time to reply - it's good to know I'm not the only one going through these feelings...

Hubby has just finished his first cycle, so a quarter of the way through....we have had a chat about the atmosphere as little man started crying that he didn't want to go home whenever I took him out!!!  Thankfully since then the shouting has calmed down considerably so fingers crossed...!!

X

Hi Cheryl,

Sometimes it pays to clear the air and I hope your little boy will be a little happier.  No matter how hard  you try its not always easy to cope with everything going into melt down without speaking out about how it affects you all. My fingers are also crossed that you have a peaceful family weekend (and beyond) but as Inula has said forum is here anytime you need to let of steam or just fancy a chat away from day to day crisis. Virtual hugs  Jules x