Rant!

Some people do my fruit in!

Just had a Facebook message from the wife of a longstanding friend....actually her husband was our best man almost 34 years ago. I've changed the names...

Hi, sorry we have not been in touch. Your mum spoke to Dave (our best man) on phone as she helping Joan (best man's mum) out until she moves over the road from us soon. We not been available for at least three weeks as my mum had three heart attacks and so been at hospital all the time. Then we lost our cat who was 12. When we found him it was too late to save him. Then we got the flu and had to go on holiday. We did not we were going until the day before coz of my mum but she came home. Just got back Saturday evening, had another upset on Sunday. Dave's birthday yesterday so been so hectic as usual. So sorry to hear about Paul (my husband). Dave would like to speak to him so if possible could you give us a number to contact him on. Xx

Now call me picky BUT I can't be the only person who thinks this was a very self self self message! For goodness sake. My husband has just found out that he has got incurable lung cancer. Unless a miracle drug appears in the next few years he will die. I will be a widow! We are going through the shi***est time imaginable and this woman thinks I'm interested in the fact that she couldn't get in touch sooner because her cat went missing,  she went on holiday and her mum was in hospital??!! 

I think I need to calm down a little before I reply! Or maybe I am being a little oversensitive. 

Just wanted to share because I can't believe how crass some people can be!!

Rant over! :)

Inula

 

  • Hi Inula

    You're completely right, it does sound very me me me.

    While I understand that people get close to their pets, one of the most upsetting things for me when my Mum died in April was one of my friends likening what I was going through to the death of her dog.  It's NOT the same!

    Deep breaths xx

  • Hi Inula

    Ive had lots of these situations since being diagnosed with cancer. People dont know what to say to you, there is some stigma about having cancer. They then leave it for too long and when they eventually do make contact many reasons are given why they couldnt contact you. Everyone has a constant barrage of stuff to deal with in life, her mums heart attack is no less serious than my cancer. The other things (well) Please just forgive her! You make a good point about sensitivity, a family dealing with cancer is under great stress all the time and dont react as they normally would to various situations. Likewise your friend may be under great stress and just have enough energy for herself and immediate family. Anyhow it doesnt take much to pick up the phone so provide that contact number so they can re establish contact with you and just take it from there.

  • Hi Inula

    i don't think you are being particularly over sensitive at all, more your friend is plain thoughtless.

    This cancer thing certainly sorts out who your real friends as I have found! One very dear friend has travelled miles to visit for a couple of hours (she lives a fair distance away) and texts me every few days to send love and best wishes, and another, who I have visited when she has been sick and only lives a short distance from me, has completely ignored me - no contact at all.

    while I do understand some folk just don't know what to say, a text or e mail to send wishes breaks the ice and allows the sick person to respond in a way that will open up a conversation.

    i just decide that I don't need these negative and thoughtless people, and promise myself that I won't ever be that uncaring to anyone.

    wishing you and hubby the best and sending hugs xx

  •  

    Thanks everyone for your replies. Mad as I was after my rant last night I did see sense and decided to leave well alone until I had calmed down!! And calmed down I have :) I have responded to friend and passed on the number with a request for messages rather than a phone call.

    ESM I agree about the death of a pet. Having lost one of our beloved dogs 10 months ago I would never underestimate how much love you can have for a pet or how awful the loss can be... but of course its NOTHING like the pain you were going through loosing your mum.

    Kim... she is forgiven. We have been on this rollercoaster for just a short time but already I have learned that life is too short to hold grudges or get mad and stay mad at people. I used to notice people in the street who looked as miserable as sin and think for goodness sake cheer up. I now appreciate that some people might be having a dreadful time.

    Purplelily know what you mean about friends just not being there for you. We have a particular pair of friends who we thought would find our situation hard to handle and I was really afraid they would fall by the wayside. Talk about wrong. They have been diamonds, buying husband green tea because they heard its good for you and offering to look after our dogs if we need to be away from home for any reason. Other friends want to know all the nitty gritty but offer no support. Not to worry. We all have busy lives. And time does march on. Im sure they would step up to the mark if we asked for help 

    Feeling so much calmer this evening  

    Inula x

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

  • I am sorry you got this message.  It is insensitive and especially that is comes over FB, and not just a personal call.  I do feel when reading it she does feel bad about not contacting you and coming up with all kinds of excuses to make it ok.  Try not to let it get you down.  People just need to pick up the phone and say hello, I am here, will come soon...etc.    I find that generally people just like to talk about themselves.  Gets annoying sometimes.