Hi Inula

Ive had lots of these situations since being diagnosed with cancer. People dont know what to say to you, there is some stigma about having cancer. They then leave it for too long and when they eventually do make contact many reasons are given why they couldnt contact you. Everyone has a constant barrage of stuff to deal with in life, her mums heart attack is no less serious than my cancer. The other things (well) Please just forgive her! You make a good point about sensitivity, a family dealing with cancer is under great stress all the time and dont react as they normally would to various situations. Likewise your friend may be under great stress and just have enough energy for herself and immediate family. Anyhow it doesnt take much to pick up the phone so provide that contact number so they can re establish contact with you and just take it from there.

Hi Inula

i don't think you are being particularly over sensitive at all, more your friend is plain thoughtless.

This cancer thing certainly sorts out who your real friends as I have found! One very dear friend has travelled miles to visit for a couple of hours (she lives a fair distance away) and texts me every few days to send love and best wishes, and another, who I have visited when she has been sick and only lives a short distance from me, has completely ignored me - no contact at all.

while I do understand some folk just don't know what to say, a text or e mail to send wishes breaks the ice and allows the sick person to respond in a way that will open up a conversation.

i just decide that I don't need these negative and thoughtless people, and promise myself that I won't ever be that uncaring to anyone.

wishing you and hubby the best and sending hugs xx

Thanks everyone for your replies. Mad as I was after my rant last night I did see sense and decided to leave well alone until I had calmed down!! And calmed down I have :) I have responded to friend and passed on the number with a request for messages rather than a phone call.

ESM I agree about the death of a pet. Having lost one of our beloved dogs 10 months ago I would never underestimate how much love you can have for a pet or how awful the loss can be... but of course its NOTHING like the pain you were going through loosing your mum.

Kim... she is forgiven. We have been on this rollercoaster for just a short time but already I have learned that life is too short to hold grudges or get mad and stay mad at people. I used to notice people in the street who looked as miserable as sin and think for goodness sake cheer up. I now appreciate that some people might be having a dreadful time.

Purplelily know what you mean about friends just not being there for you. We have a particular pair of friends who we thought would find our situation hard to handle and I was really afraid they would fall by the wayside. Talk about wrong. They have been diamonds, buying husband green tea because they heard its good for you and offering to look after our dogs if we need to be away from home for any reason. Other friends want to know all the nitty gritty but offer no support. Not to worry. We all have busy lives. And time does march on. Im sure they would step up to the mark if we asked for help 

Feeling so much calmer this evening  

Inula x

I am sorry you got this message.  It is insensitive and especially that is comes over FB, and not just a personal call.  I do feel when reading it she does feel bad about not contacting you and coming up with all kinds of excuses to make it ok.  Try not to let it get you down.  People just need to pick up the phone and say hello, I am here, will come soon...etc.    I find that generally people just like to talk about themselves.  Gets annoying sometimes.