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How to tell my Dad my Mum is terminal

Bagpuss911
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Hi, My mum has been diagnosed with grade 3 nuroendocrine tumours in the liver and gallbladder, I've been told by the palliative nurse that she has only months left. (She now's it's terminal but not that it's months not years)  My Dad has had several mini strokes which has left him with some memory and behavioural issues, he's basically regressed to what we describe as naughty school boy stage. Mum has asked that we tell him she is terminal in the hope that he will be a bit more understanding, I just Don't know how to tell him when I know that in all likelihood he will forget and we will have to keep repeating the news.  I've thought about writing it down for him .... I would be interested to know if anyone thinks this is a good idea and has suggestions on what to say.

Thank you

P 

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    Good morning bag puss. I really feel for you in this predicament and offer you all our thoughts and prayers.  Maybe the is no answer as he may forget it or it may upset him. Somehow you need your cool as well - and your feelings do count in all this.  In my own most humble view perhaps I would get everyone together and get it openly discussed.  

    What ever you decide - or thoughts are with you at this awful time Xx

    Steven

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    Hi Bagpuss ....... I am so sorry to hear about your Mums prognosis and the difficulties your Dad is having with his health too - it must be very distressing for you to see this all going on.  It sounds as though your palliative nurse is very helpful and I wonder if she would be able to explain things to your Dad or arrange for one of the McMillan nurses to call in and do so.  It may be a better option as they are more detached emotionally from the situation.  I know McMillan also offers family counselling support which could help you move forward with your circumstances in a united way.  You have a tough time ahead and we are always here to listen when needed x

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    Hi Bagpuss

    Just wanted to add  my welcome to the forum though very sorry to see the reason you have sought us out.

    At such a difficult time and with  your own emotions to handle as well think Max and Steve have been given good responses and certainly the palliative care nurse should be more than willing to sit with you as a family and discuss things with you. When my husband and I had to break his terminal cancer diagnosis to our adult children we called a family get-together and I became the future go between during his journey  but I received good personal back up from his medical support team. The forum was so thoroughly supportive and still is so I have you find it helpful.  As far as your Dad's own health is concerned it is possible he may not understand fully what is happening around him and once he has been told the news, if he continues to ask the same questions it may be worth answering questions in written form so he can read in private to jog his memory.  Wishing you all the very best.Jules54

  • Offline in reply to jules54

    Thank you all for the very supportive words, my Mum has arranged for myself and my three brothers to get together on Sunday to tell him. His community nuro rehab nurse has agreed that we should tell him and that writing it down is a good idea. This is one of the worse things I have ever had to face, life can be so cruel. 

    Bagpuss

  • Offline in reply to Bagpuss911

    Hi Bagpuss

    I glad that  you can all break the news to your Dad together.  No one wants to face this situation and it may well be the hardest day of your life so far . Writing it down will I am sure help him take it in and you will have mutual support as a family.  Go with your emotions, you will need the release they bring. I wish I could take away the pain that I know you will be feeling but do send virtual hug. Group hugs have become something me and the children has adopted as part of our coping mechanism - a case of action speaking louder than words ( or in our case mutual comfort). Come and chat again as and when you need to. Jules

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