sorry to hear about your brother. when i met my husbands pallitive dr at the hospice for the 1st time i was dreading it as i didnt know what to except, but it was fine they dont mention death they just disscuss pain relief what it does and how he feels. my husband has stage 4 rectal cancer. if you think of anything to ask write it down no matter if you think it sounds daft, they are there to help and make him comfortable and help with pain. 

i hope this was of use. let me know how you get on please x

Hi thank you so much for that. I am so sorry about your husband.

We did meet with the hospice nurse along with the main carers from my brothers carehome. She seemed nice and I think was trying to understand about my brothers disabiity which is a good thing but he is not easy to understand about bless him so I do get that she does not really understand how best to support him, but hes my baby in my heart so I feel extra protective and always have. They have not yet come up with an alternative to the just in case medicine box for him (she gave us a leaflet about it then said he cannot have it anyway as its all injections and he will just let anyone do it, bit upsetting to be shown something that he yet again cannot have)

she said they normally spend time getting to know the patient but this won't be the case with my brother which I have to admit upset me too as he still needs to be familiar with people involved in his care, just because he may not respond to them does not mean they should not spend time with him, but maybe I am just being over protective/defensive I don't know.

Hi Serendipity,

Allthough I have not responded before, I have been following your threads regarding your brother. You sound a very caring sister. I have found that hospice's are very good at sorting out pain relief and when my mother was in one several years ago, they suceeded where the hospital failed at sorting my mothers pain.

Did the nurse say why they wont spend time getting to know your brother? Just because he has problems should not mean he is treated any differntly.

Take care and am sending best wishes and kind thoughts to you and your family, Brian.

Thank you Brian, he means the absolute world to me, I cannot express it enough but since he got ill I have felt even more driven to try to make people understand how precious he is to me. We lost our mum 2 and a half years ago very suddenly, but even before that even though my brother is older than me, I have always felt maternal towards him, even my dad says it about me and him.

The hospice nurse did say she would normally spend time getting to know that patient but its not the case with my brother (her words)  I did say I know its not easy and is different from what she has experienced before, but I need her to still see him too, I even took her into his room to see him with me as I do realise some people are a bit unsure of people like my brother especially if they have no experience and I am trying to be tolerant of that and not get defensive as I know I can be when it comes to him.

He is having his first chemo this week and I am so anxious about it

Thank you Brian, he means the absolute world to me, I cannot express it enough but since he got ill I have felt even more driven to try to make people understand how precious he is to me. We lost our mum 2 and a half years ago very suddenly, but even before that even though my brother is older than me, I have always felt maternal towards him, even my dad says it about me and him.

The hospice nurse did say she would normally spend time getting to know that patient but its not the case with my brother (her words)  I did say I know its not easy and is different from what she has experienced before, but I need her to still see him too, I even took her into his room to see him with me as I do realise some people are a bit unsure of people like my brother especially if they have no experience and I am trying to be tolerant of that and not get defensive as I know I can be when it comes to him.

He is having his first chemo this week and I am so anxious about it