Hi

So sad to read that you are having to go through this with your Mum and must be very hard knowing that your sister is due to marry this weekend and just want it to be all right for everyone.  Does Mum have a MacMillan nurse who could be called in to re-assess her pain/treatment? If not then a call to her GP or support team might be worthwhile as they should be able to keep her comfortable.  I was lucky in that my hubby's pain level was kept under regular review (he called it his discomfort!) but nonetheless it was extremely difficult watching his journey with cancer (he passed away last month) following a three year diagnosis of it being terminal.  Sending a virtual hug and would say just take it little by little and give yourself a bit of tlc too. Use the forum to offload as there are many here who truly understand how you are feeling just now and though we cannot make it better I found it helped to write it down - a kind of release I suppose.  Take care Jules54

Hi Jules

Thank you so much for your message.

She does have a macmillan nurse and a district nurse to they come a few times a week. She has lots of stuff for her pain that she takes every day. But sometimes her husband makes her wait to take pain relief for example she wanted some last night around 8pm but he made her wait until 9ish so that she wouldnt be waking up in the night while he is asleep, he is quite selfish and i dont really agree with some of the ways he looks after her but there is nothing i can do. We have never got on with him. We have managed to persuade him to get a carer for the wedding, he didnt want to as he didnt want to be seen as a faliure, but we have manged to talk him round and explain that it will be better for everyone if he gets one. Things are very hard at the moment im finding it hard to go into work every day and care about anything if that makes sense, she is still with us but i have been grieving for months now since she took a turn for the worse.  Im so sorry to hear about your husband. How are you feeling now?  do you have children? have you found this forum helpful? x

I can't answer your question but read your profile and just wanted to stop by and say i'm thinking of you. Remain strong and remember to look after yourself too.

Hi

It must be quite hard not being in agreement with your Mum's husband and I wish I could offer a way to get him to see that keeping the pain relief at the regular intervals is important as it sounds as though you Mum is suffering from 'breakthrough pain' because of the delay.  Would you be able to talk directly to her nurse who could then explain this more fully to him.  My hubby thought he would 'hang on' before taking the next dose but eventually saw that it was easier on him to take it regularly and not wait to be in pain before taking the tablets.

You ask how I am feeling now.  Well its a bit up and down as you would imagine but having watched his journey with cancer for nearly three years, there was an element of comfort in knowing that he is at rest now.  I have two children (daughter was 33 on Valentines Day and son will be 30 this coming weekend) and two grandsons 16mths and 6yrs.  We are all helping each other cope and I am very lucky to live within 10and 20 mins of them.  I am also lucky to have friends and workmates who continue to support me as I find my way forward.  I myself am an only child so perhaps not unused to my own company but have found the forum a great virtual resource (thank goodness for lovely people who understand when you need a bit of a rant or ramble!). 

Am experiencing a bit of trouble with 'net' access due to phone line issues but am happy to listen whenever you need an 'ear' to keep you company.  Look after yourself, sending hugs  Jules x

Hello again Sara, I was sorry to read you had been having a hard day and understand when you say it is a living nightmare, I remember feeling the same.  Would it be possible to get the Macmillan nurses in more reguarly to check on your Mum now?  She shouldn't have to be in pain and it is important that she gets the correct pain relief when she needs it.  It is heartbreaking watching someone we love suffer unyet knowing there is nothing you can do to stop it; I know you want to stay strong for your Mum, but staying strong continously when you are breaking inside is hard, so do be kind to yourself and let yourself cry whenever you need.  I wish there was something more constructive I could say to help you but perhaps you can get a little comfort in knowing that many people on here understand and are thinking of you.  Let me know how you are.  Hope x

My family went through something similar with my Mum in her last few days and weeks.

It was only after my Dad got the GP on side that her levels of pain relief were increased to a level where the pain was under control. There is a natural reluctance by clinicians not to over-medicate as it can cause confusion and drowsiness, but they don't always get the balance right between that and pain relief which is why it is important for close family to be involved.

Best wishes
Dave