Hi everyone thanks for replying!

Sorry I haven't been giving personal replies to each of you just popping on here when I can. Still feeling much the same i expect it will all hit me after the funeral and when I have nothing left to organise or plan to keep me busy!

I don't even know what to write my head is like compete mush !

xxxx

Hi Candy,

Foe a few days after I lost my mother, I wasn't really aware of what I was doing, It was almost as if I was on auto-pilot. I was doing things but not really thinking about what I was doing. You have no need to apologise about personal replies, Just come on here when you feel like it.

Take care, thinking of you, Brian.

Hi Candy,

Just posting to hopfully see how you are.  I am sure by now your Mum's funeral is close unless it has already been.  Anyway thinking of you and hoping you are o.k.

Garf. x

Hi Garf and everyone else! Sorry I haven't posted in a while just going through the motions..

Your right Garf the funeral has been, it was last week. The day itself wasn't too bad.. I'm finding it more difficult now to be honest.. Think it's because now everything is over and I feel like people expect me and things just to go back to normal.. But how can they, my mum is gone & will be gone for the rest of my life, I'm struggling to think how I will deal with this.. I'm still fairly young and I think this is making me even worse :(

xxx

Hi Candy,

I'm glad the funeral went as well as it could, but it often feels much worse afterwards.  I totally get where your coming from in thinking that everybody expects things to go back to normal, this is something I still struggle with.  Of course life goes on, but when you have lost somebody you love your life will never be the same again, it will be different and that hurts a great deal for a long time.  For me (6+ months since Mum & coming up a year since Dad) I feel very much like you, in that I think most people (except folk on here) think I should be OK by now.  But everyday is different when we are grieving and I know for certain that I'm still not my usual self, but I try and tell myself that is normal and oneday she'll be back.  Be kind to yourself Candy, I'm sure it is even more difficult being young and going through this as you are.  Get as much support as you can when you need it, expect to feel differently everyday and take one day at a time.  Thinking of you.  Hope x

Hi Hope, thank you for replying! Nice to get to speak to someone tonight as I'm feeling very low. I think it has all hit me now that she's really gone...

How did it all start for you? Were you like me and didn't really take it in to begin with then it hit you? I know you have had it a lot worse than me with losing both your parents it makes me feel silly being this upset when your so strong..

Yes exactly I can't believe people expect me to be ok not even 2 weeks after she has passed... The visits and txt messages have stopped and i feel lonely and have no one to speak to. My boyfriend just doesn't seem to understand.....

I just can't imagine getting back into routine life with work etc...

Xxxxx

Hi Candy,

I can relate to your feelings. Some people seem to think a few days mourning our loved one is all it takes, but the reality is the enormity of our loss is only just beginning to sink in at that stage. I think most people feel worse after the funeral for this reason alone. I am glad Hope has responded to you for she is a lovely lady who has and is still suffering. Grief can hit at any time and without warning. It's eight years since I lost my mother so I'm a lot further down the line but even now I still miss her. Sometimes I hear one of the songs she liked or see some flowers that she loved and I get very emotional and go very quiet. Luckily my wife understands this and give me time and space.

Take care, Best wishes, Brian.

Morning Candy,

I am so sorry you are feeling so low but then you are not going to feel any other way right now.  You don't feel like yourself at the moment and Hope is right with the fact that you never will feel the same as this kind of grief changes a person.  I know it seems like people think you should be back to normal by now but try and ignore that feeling and just give yourself permission to be sad.  Like you say the realization that your Mum is gone is now sinking in and that is a very difficult thing to come to terms with.

It is nearly two years since my Dad died and a week ago I cried as hard as I did when he went although the day-to-day stuff is far easier than it was.  I miss him!  I will always miss him and unfortunately due to other problems and losses I am still struggling because I feel I haven't been given the time to grieve for him properly yet, but I will. Sorry I'm not being very clear but what I am trying to say is that you will find a way to cope just give yourself time to figure it out but don't try and rush it either.  From what I have read about you and the way you have dealt with this so far I firmly believe you have the strength to get through this difficult time in your life.

You say your boyfriend doesn't understand and I am sure he doesn't.  My wife was very supportive during Dad's illness and after his death but even now she doesn't really understand what I was and still am going through as although she lost her Dad a few years ago they weren't close but her and her Mother are very close indeed so she is actually waiting for the day when her Mum isn't here anymore before she has an understanding.  Her Mum is 82 years old and getting frail but I am hoping she will be with us for a few more years yet.

Be sad!  Be angry!  Shout or scream or just cry.  You are allowed!

Take care Candy.

Garf. xxx

Morning Candy,

I am so sorry you are feeling so low but then you are not going to feel any other way right now.  You don't feel like yourself at the moment and Hope is right with the fact that you never will feel the same as this kind of grief changes a person.  I know it seems like people think you should be back to normal by now but try and ignore that feeling and just give yourself permission to be sad.  Like you say the realization that your Mum is gone is now sinking in and that is a very difficult thing to come to terms with.

It is nearly two years since my Dad died and a week ago I cried as hard as I did when he went although the day-to-day stuff is far easier than it was.  I miss him!  I will always miss him and unfortunately due to other problems and losses I am still struggling because I feel I haven't been given the time to grieve for him properly yet, but I will. Sorry I'm not being very clear but what I am trying to say is that you will find a way to cope just give yourself time to figure it out but don't try and rush it either.  From what I have read about you and the way you have dealt with this so far I firmly believe you have the strength to get through this difficult time in your life.

You say your boyfriend doesn't understand and I am sure he doesn't.  My wife was very supportive during Dad's illness and after his death but even now she doesn't really understand what I was and still am going through as although she lost her Dad a few years ago they weren't close but her and her Mother are very close indeed so she is actually waiting for the day when her Mum isn't here anymore before she has an understanding.  Her Mum is 82 years old and getting frail but I am hoping she will be with us for a few more years yet.

Be sad!  Be angry!  Shout or scream or just cry.  You are allowed!

Take care Candy.

Garf. xxx