Hi Candy,

Foe a few days after I lost my mother, I wasn't really aware of what I was doing, It was almost as if I was on auto-pilot. I was doing things but not really thinking about what I was doing. You have no need to apologise about personal replies, Just come on here when you feel like it.

Take care, thinking of you, Brian.

Hi Candy,

Just posting to hopfully see how you are.  I am sure by now your Mum's funeral is close unless it has already been.  Anyway thinking of you and hoping you are o.k.

Garf. x

Hi Garf and everyone else! Sorry I haven't posted in a while just going through the motions..

Your right Garf the funeral has been, it was last week. The day itself wasn't too bad.. I'm finding it more difficult now to be honest.. Think it's because now everything is over and I feel like people expect me and things just to go back to normal.. But how can they, my mum is gone & will be gone for the rest of my life, I'm struggling to think how I will deal with this.. I'm still fairly young and I think this is making me even worse :(

xxx

Hi Candy,

I'm glad the funeral went as well as it could, but it often feels much worse afterwards.  I totally get where your coming from in thinking that everybody expects things to go back to normal, this is something I still struggle with.  Of course life goes on, but when you have lost somebody you love your life will never be the same again, it will be different and that hurts a great deal for a long time.  For me (6+ months since Mum & coming up a year since Dad) I feel very much like you, in that I think most people (except folk on here) think I should be OK by now.  But everyday is different when we are grieving and I know for certain that I'm still not my usual self, but I try and tell myself that is normal and oneday she'll be back.  Be kind to yourself Candy, I'm sure it is even more difficult being young and going through this as you are.  Get as much support as you can when you need it, expect to feel differently everyday and take one day at a time.  Thinking of you.  Hope x

Hi Hope, thank you for replying! Nice to get to speak to someone tonight as I'm feeling very low. I think it has all hit me now that she's really gone...

How did it all start for you? Were you like me and didn't really take it in to begin with then it hit you? I know you have had it a lot worse than me with losing both your parents it makes me feel silly being this upset when your so strong..

Yes exactly I can't believe people expect me to be ok not even 2 weeks after she has passed... The visits and txt messages have stopped and i feel lonely and have no one to speak to. My boyfriend just doesn't seem to understand.....

I just can't imagine getting back into routine life with work etc...

Xxxxx

Hi Candy,

I can relate to your feelings. Some people seem to think a few days mourning our loved one is all it takes, but the reality is the enormity of our loss is only just beginning to sink in at that stage. I think most people feel worse after the funeral for this reason alone. I am glad Hope has responded to you for she is a lovely lady who has and is still suffering. Grief can hit at any time and without warning. It's eight years since I lost my mother so I'm a lot further down the line but even now I still miss her. Sometimes I hear one of the songs she liked or see some flowers that she loved and I get very emotional and go very quiet. Luckily my wife understands this and give me time and space.

Take care, Best wishes, Brian.

Dear Candy,

Please don't think I've had it worse than you, for loss is loss and the pain is just as bad for you.  It is strange that you see me as a strong person, as I really do not think I am, and at times have felt anything but strong!.

I relate so much to you feeling so low, it really is such a terrible feeling when the pain hits so bad.  You asked how it was for me: when my Dad died I felt sort of numb and then took charge of sorting everything out and looking after my Mum who was grief stricken, as an only child me and my family were all she had.  That was really how it continued for me, I had thought I was doing OK until my Mum was diagnosed, but looking back I don't think I had time to grieve for my Dad before my Mum got ill.  When my Mum died initially I felt a sense of relief that she wasn't suffering, also that for me this terrible journey had ended - perhaps that sounds awful.  I rushed around making all the arrangements, I organised the funeral completely by myself which is something I felt that I wanted to do at the time.  I went back to work 4 days after the funeral, I thought it would help but I'm not really sure now if anything helps.  The reality of everything hit me hard and just like you say everybody is initially sympathetic but then it just stops.  Some people I work with have never even spoken about the fact that my parents died and it was just like returning from being sick. I know people don't really know what to say, but I only know that when I hear of somebody suffering loss I would never ignore it.

I am sure that time does eventually heal, I look around me and know that everybody has probably suffered loss at some point and they've all survived, however when you are grieving it feels like that will never happen.  I've found that some days are good and some bad and there is no rhyme or reason to why.  I could feel almost "normal" one day and then in the depths of despair the next, not sure if I am a normal example of grief but that's how it's been for me and it is still like it some time on.  I'm sure your boyfriend is supportive and loves you but whether he understands the depth of your pain is impossible to say as everybody is different.  My hubby reacted totally differently than me when his parents died (and they both died close together too), so I also feel that he is at a loss to understand everything I'm feeling purely because he is a different personality. However he is there for me and supports me loads so I'm grateful for that and  I hope your boyfriend does the same. Go with all your feelings Candy, let everything out and come to this site where others understand for extra support.  Take care and please let me know how you are.  Hope x

Hello Candy ,you are on a hard journey of grief with no time limit your dear mum was one of the most important people in your life you  missing her is so awful .people think because you look okay that you are coping but no one knows the pain you feel inside .I lost my darling husband last Feb ,so 13 months ago , Ihave cried every day I miss him so much and am very lonely ,I see my family who now have their own familys every day they have no idea how I feel and I know they miss their dad I cant offload onto them ,you must cling to your family who you are lucky to have and support you and this forum is a great help of support ,stay strong ,It is very early days for you but you will get through it with support ....susananne

Hi everyone. How are you all?

Sorry I haven't had much time to get on here, just things around the house and things to sort out.. I still feel much the same, sometimes struggle to comprehend she is actually gone.. It's hard to believe she was even here sometimes... Then I feel bad for thinking this?

Back to work next week. Quite worried about it as I have been off for a few weeks now..

How have you all been? Anything new with you guys? Gaff I hope everything is okay for you

xxxx