Hi again everyone. Another update for anyone who's interested. Mum is still in hospital, very sore and very out of breath. The doctors did a scan the other day as they thought there was fluid on the lung which they were hoping to drain which would ease her breathlessness but after doing the scan they found there was no fluid, it appears it's all down to the tumour on the lung, so doesn't look like much can be done to help with her breathing...

Feeling rather upset today and annoyed. Wish more could be done and hate leaving her in the hospital. Also hate the thought of them examining her and proding at her as I know she will find it all very embarrasing. She has a lot of memory loss due to the tumours which spread to her brain yet they constantly ask her questions she can't remember the answers too!!!!! She is allergic to certain medications yet they sit seem to make note of it just rely on asking her even though she doesn't know, so she ends up ill cause they give her it anyway.

They are saying it might be best for her to go to a hospice now and aren't sure she will fight off the infection this time:(

Sorry for the rant I am just getting annoyed and upset now!

Hi again Candy,

I hope you have been able to get some answers from the nurses with the number Jane left you.

I understand that you are angry right now and also hate having to leave your Mum to be poked and prodded by doctors who may seem like they don't really care however in this situation it may seem difficult to distinguish between them not caring and simply the detachment that most doctors and nurses have from their patients.  I will also repeat that it does seem, based on what you have written that your Mum would be more comfortable in a hospice as they are specifically set up to care for people who are ill like your Mum is and my Dad was rather than her staying in a busy hospital.

This may seem like a crazy statement to make but I actually envy you being able to see your Mum as often as you do even though she is very sick.  My Dad lived in North Wales and I live on the South Coast so I would make the trip once or twice a month, each time during his last months seeing a marked decrease in his health with each visit.  I have said this to many people here in the past and I will no doubt say it again but when you are with your Mum try and make her smile whenever you can as in that brief instant there is no pain.  Also imprint those moments in your memory as they will help you a little in the future. As for feeling angry that is perfectly natural but it also drains your strength so if you can find a way to calm your mind and diffuse the anger a little that will also help.

Take care Candy and the very best wishes to you and your Mum.

Garf.     

Hello Woodworm, or should i say Brian! Sorry i never even realised that this was your real name lol!

Yes im finding this alot. I always feel like the staff forget there is a family at home worrying and often forget we need to know the facts too. My mum has a lot of memory loss and forgets things so she doesnt always remember what shes been told, so we can't rely on that, we need information too. I know how you feel i am starting to feel the same, my heart breaks each time i walk into the room and i start to dread what she will look like... Its hard to keep a brave face on!

Finishing up in the shop now, home to get ready and up to the hospital. Will let you know how she is

xxx

Hi again! I'm okay today... Maybe cause its Friday lol?

Aww thank you thats so sweet to say! But i wish they would test me some other way and not like this... I have a sister who is older than me, i am the youngest of the family, my sister is 30. My mum is only in her early 50s so still quite young

Oh dear thats such a shame! Im sorry to hear that you couldn't visit him!

Sorry this is such a quick post i am getting ready to head home from the shop and get ready to visit mum!

Speak to you again soon!

xxx

Hi Candy,

No need to apologise Candy, I get called lots of different names on here, Profesor Nutty being the latest  Cancer is a complex disease and it affects us both physically and emotionally. It also affect close family members and friends as well. I think that the emotional side is often harder to deal with, especially for the relatives. I know from my own experience, I tried so hard to appear upbeat when visiting my mother but it was so hard to maintain a happy face when I was breaking up inside.

All I can say is I tried hard to repay the love and care my mother had given me when I was younger. I did find that focusing on this did help a little.

I would like to say a big thank you to Garf for his kind words and yes I did have a red face when I finished reading what he had written. But as you already know Candy, Garf also does a lot to help people on this forum and is a great source of help and support to people on here.

Sending best wishes to you and your mother, Brian

Hi Garf, sorry i have only just noticed your reply, must've missed it!

Still not had much answers really. Shes very out of it and can't seem to make much sense when talking... I thought maybe this was reaction to pain killers they had her on from the drain in her lung but im being told it may just be the natural progression of the cancer in her brain... So i think if we bring up the hospice she wont be able to really answer about it so im not sure what will happen now. She just slept most of the time over the weekend so can't really ask how shes feeling etc

Yes im grateful for him getting in touch, im grateful for you all getting in touch.. Had a fear i would write on here and get no replies lol!! Yeah he has filled me in on his story !

I know im trying to stop myself thinking about the negatives but its just very hard, getting harder now because of the way she is just now finding it very difficult seeing her like this. Oh wow thats amazing you raised so much, well done! Yeah doing it once spurs you on and makes you wanna keep on helping! I ran the race for life last year and will be doing it again this year too!

xxx

Hi Candy,

Just read your update to Garf. My mothers breast cancer spread to her brain and this coupled with the strong painkillers towards the end, it was at times not clear if she knew I was there. But every now and then she would squeeze my hand so I feel sure she knew I was there and as she couldn't talk it was her only way to communicate. I know exactly what you mean when you say it's so hard seeing them in this state. But I feel sure your mother is so very proud of the loving and caring person you obviously are.

Take care, sending best wishes to you both, Brian.

Hi again Brian, sorry i keep missing peoples replies! Missed Garf's and then yours!

Yes it is having quite a big affect on me, i'm trying to be happy and stay upbeat but its quite difficult! Especially when i go in and shes out of it like i said in my other reply. I see in your reply earlier you said your mum was also like this, i wonder if its much of the same situation then...

No more news on the hospice yet, not sure how they will go about talking to my mum regarding this since she isnt able to make much sense.. Did your mum go to a hospice?

I've been trying to keep things happy when i visit, painting her nails etc ( us girls always need nice nails ) Had a nice surprise last night when we went in, an old family friend had popped in to visit, so that was nice for her!

Yeah Garf is helping me a lot, its good to have people to talk to. But you also do a lot to help people out myself included, so you and garf are pretty similar !

xxxx

Hi Candy,

It was really good of your Mum's friend to visit her in hospital and to see a friendly face that she hasn't seen for a while I expect would have cheered her up.  When my Dad was in hospital in Liverpool after his operation my uncle who he used to get on really well with paid him a visit as he lived a fairly short drive away in Warrington.  My uncle is Mum's brother but he and Dad hadn't seen eachother since my parents broke up about thirty years ago and so he was made up with the visit.

We mentioned earlier the subject of strength and you said you didn't know if you would have the strength do deal with what is happening and what will happen.  I can tell you that you are already proving your strength by not only visiting your Mum when she is so ill but to keep things happy and do things like paint her nails proves proves what a strong and caring person you are and I have no doubt your Mum is very proud of her daughter.

Both you and Brian have mentioned how both of your Mums seemed to be out of it and very lethargic and certainly in Brian's case it was partially down to the medication she was on and I can agree with that as my Nana died of breast cancer when I was about nine years old.  She stayed at home throughout her illness and so the last time I saw her she was so dosed up with painkillers she looked at me but there was no recognition in her eyes.

I will check in again later but keep your strength up and if you find it running a bit low come here and we will see if we can send you some virtually.

Garf. x 

Good evening Garf!

Yeah it was really nice of him to take the time to visit her, I think even he found it a bit difficult, looked like he was holding back tears. Think I sometimes forget that it's also hard on her friends and people she's known most of her life.. Strange how many people one can affect!! That's really nice about your uncle visiting I'm sure that would've gave your dad something to smile about at a hard time!

Aw how sweet of you to say that but I don't feel strong! Seems to be getting more difficult each day but just gotta keep going at it don't we! Went up again tonight she was more awake tonight although still not making much sense... Like you say about your aunt it could be down to painkillers but still not sure. Gonna try get a hold of a consultant tomorrow and find out what's really going on!!

Thank you I will keep you post xxx

Dear Garf,

I just wanted to say thanks for the tip about making daddy smile when I see him next as in that brief instant there is no pain. I too can only see him every two weeks/monthly as he is abroad, and now I know somerthing positive I can do....it's the little pieces of advice that mean so much...

I'm sorry to jump in on this conversation...just wanted to say thankyou

You are more than welcome devoteddaughter,

What you and Candy are going through right now is so difficult I am just happy to have been able to help a little.

Take care and stay safe during all that travelling!

Garf. x

You are more than welcome devoteddaughter,

What you and Candy are going through right now is so difficult I am just happy to have been able to help a little.

Take care and stay safe during all that travelling!

Garf. x