Hi Hope

Don't be silly your more than welcome to have your input !

I do remember speaking to you before when i posted back in August about my mum, i remember your story well. Your right i do feel like i need to keep some balance and normallity otherwise i feel like i will go crazy thinking about when she is going to die. I like to come in to work, keep busy during the day and go visit her straight from my work. I am usually there by 5 at the latest. Which is only a couple of hours after visiting time really begins so i dont feel i am doing anything wrong by continuing my work. I feel i am doing the right thing by me & my boss, when i do need the time off at least it will look like i did make the effort to come in and work when i could've said i need time off

Your right i know the doctors cant give an exact time but the change in days and weeks were being told is confusing..Im sorry to hear that your mum passed away so quickly. Especially when they were going to try a new drug

How did you cope with such a big loss?

xxxx

Dear Candy,

Hun you can only do things as you think best both for yourself and others.

You take care of yourself so that you can be there for your Mum when she needs you.

hugs

Annabel. xx

Hi Candy,

I'm glad that you are coping the best you can and are able to visit your Mum often.  As I said ,you have to do what you think is right and it is important to strike a balance.  You asked how I coped with such a big loss, the answer is I really don't know.  It was very hard especially as I am an only child.  My Dad died 3 weeks after diagnosis in March and my Mum died 9 weeks after diagnosis in August.  I won't lie, the pain was and still is at times undescribable, but time has eased the severity of the pain a little.  Although it felt like my world had ended I am lucky to have a hubby and 2 wonderful sons to support me and they gave me a reason to look to the future.

There is no easy way to lose somebody we love and grief is such a roller-coaster of emotions.  I fully remember the time I joined this site and the pain I was feeling going through what you are currently experiencing so if I can offer help to anybody on here I am glad to.  I hope you get many more weeks to spend with your Mum, and by doing everything you can to keep yourself going hopefully it will be quality time that you spend together.  Wishing you strength going forward.  Hope xx

Hi Candy,

There really isn't much more that I can add to what Annabel and Hope have already said except that I too don't really know how I coped at the time and now almost two years later it is still difficult although losing Dad was the biggest loss in a series of losses that happened over a fairly short period of time and I still have problems I am trying to cope with so my grief timescale is probably not a good example.  What I think I'm trying to say is that Hope is right and that time does take the sting out of the pain especially with family around to support you and to receive support too.  Sorry Candy I don't think I have explained myself very well.

When the time comes you will grieve in your own way and in your own time and we will be here for you throughout.

I hope you have a good visit with your Mum and my thoughts are with you but you may not hear from me now until Sunday as I have to go to Birmingham for a big work do and will be away from a computer.

Take good care Candy.

Garf. xxx

Hi everyone

Sorry I haven't had the time to reply to you all! Will just write a quick reply to you all

My mum is still with us and seems to be making such a big improvement. Of course I know she isn't going to be cured but nice to see her eating a lot and being bright and happy. Still been going to work and going to the hospice after work. Yes Mickied you are right I am pretty exhausted from it all finding myself so tired all the time but I'm not complaining. Had to take a night off recently as I was very sick and didn't want to pass it on.

Sorry for such a short reply I am just about to go to bed for an early night

Take care everyone xxx

Hi Candy,

Don't worry about apologising for a short reply; you and your mother has to be the main priority. So pleased to hear she is improving and hope this continues. Make the most of these times Candy for the memories will help in the future. Our mother are made of stern stuff and at times it make you wonder where they get their reserves of energy from. They can be right down one day and next day they bounce right back. You do however have to take care of yourself though Candy, for the strain that this evil disease puts on all of us takes it's toll both emotionally and physically. You need to stay strong for what is to come.

Wishing you and your mother all the best, Brian

Hi there Candy,

I am so pleased that yourt Mum seems to be doing so well since she went into the hospice although I am sorry you have been ill yourself recently.

I hope you slept well after your early night and that your Mum is still feeling good when you see her later.  As brian has said you must take care of yourself and keep your strength up and whenever you feel a slight lack of it we will see if we can pick you back up again.

Wishing you the best Candy,

Garf. x

Hi Brian! How have you been?

Yeah its amazing to see her transformation from what she was like in hospital to how she is now.. Just shows you what good care can do for people! And she seems to have more of an appetite at the hospice.. But i guess this is down to them actually making sure patients actually eat, whereas at the hospital they were just bringing her the food and leaving her to it. Most of the time she was in too much pain to eat! The more i think about it the more i get annoyed at the care she received at the hospital.. Thinking of making a complaint against them!

Your right it is draining dealing with all of it, but whenever i feel like its getting to me i just tell myself i can get through it and that how i feel is nothing compared to how my mum must feel. So i am plodding along for now and trying to  stay positive and make the most of the time i have left with her

xxxx

Hi Garf, how are you?

Yeah its great to see her now, looking so much better! Like i said to Brian it is mostly down to the care she is receiving! They have eased up on the pain medication and stopped giving it to her by a pump in her arm and she is now being given them in tablet form. And she is eating a lot more which is good! Seems to be hungry a lot more often now.. Guess cause she isnt in as much pain!

Yeah unfortunately i hadnt been feeling well recently. But got a good night sleep last night and am feeling much better today! Hopefully a quick day in work then off to visit!

How did you work night go?

xxx