Just to let you all know been told she has only a matter of weeks left

Hi Candy

Sorry I am only getting back to you now.  My hours at work have all been changed.  I am so sorry to hear the update on your mum Candy and my heart goes out to you and your family. You are all in my prayers.  Sometimes you wonder why but suppose we have to hold on to the power of prayer don't we.  I have asked myself that many times.

It is going to be a tough few weeks for you all.

I read you are worried about work.  Just explain to your employer what the consultant has told you and if he/she has any compassion they will understand fully how you feel.

Spend as much time as you can with your mum Candy because nobody knows the hold this cruel evil disease has on people.

Don't be worrying about having to reply Candy because I know you have enough to cope with at the moment.  I will be checking in to see how you are coping.

Constantly in my thoughts Candy

Take care and look after yourself (hugs)

Mickied

Hi Garf!

Thanks, i think im just worrying myself over it! Of course id like to spend all my time with her but sadly i have to keep the money coming in or the bills will pile up..I did say to her but she said she isn't having digs so who knows... Also my mum gets very tired if people are there all day and night, so me being at work does give her a bit of a break as well. Gives her a bit of rest in between and then i go vist from about 5 until 9 or earlier than 5 if i can get there...

I think she laughs it off so not to get annoyed or frustrated like you say.. Or maybe not to show us that she is ?

I find myself coping better if i keep my routine. And i dont want to be taking time off when its not 100% needed, whereas when i do need it off i can say look i came in and did my hours when most people would've taken it off so i am entitled to this time off now.. I will figure it out i guess

xxxx

Hi Hope

Don't be silly your more than welcome to have your input !

I do remember speaking to you before when i posted back in August about my mum, i remember your story well. Your right i do feel like i need to keep some balance and normallity otherwise i feel like i will go crazy thinking about when she is going to die. I like to come in to work, keep busy during the day and go visit her straight from my work. I am usually there by 5 at the latest. Which is only a couple of hours after visiting time really begins so i dont feel i am doing anything wrong by continuing my work. I feel i am doing the right thing by me & my boss, when i do need the time off at least it will look like i did make the effort to come in and work when i could've said i need time off

Your right i know the doctors cant give an exact time but the change in days and weeks were being told is confusing..Im sorry to hear that your mum passed away so quickly. Especially when they were going to try a new drug

How did you cope with such a big loss?

xxxx

Dear Candy,

Hun you can only do things as you think best both for yourself and others.

You take care of yourself so that you can be there for your Mum when she needs you.

hugs

Annabel. xx

Hi Candy,

I'm glad that you are coping the best you can and are able to visit your Mum often.  As I said ,you have to do what you think is right and it is important to strike a balance.  You asked how I coped with such a big loss, the answer is I really don't know.  It was very hard especially as I am an only child.  My Dad died 3 weeks after diagnosis in March and my Mum died 9 weeks after diagnosis in August.  I won't lie, the pain was and still is at times undescribable, but time has eased the severity of the pain a little.  Although it felt like my world had ended I am lucky to have a hubby and 2 wonderful sons to support me and they gave me a reason to look to the future.

There is no easy way to lose somebody we love and grief is such a roller-coaster of emotions.  I fully remember the time I joined this site and the pain I was feeling going through what you are currently experiencing so if I can offer help to anybody on here I am glad to.  I hope you get many more weeks to spend with your Mum, and by doing everything you can to keep yourself going hopefully it will be quality time that you spend together.  Wishing you strength going forward.  Hope xx

Hi Candy,

There really isn't much more that I can add to what Annabel and Hope have already said except that I too don't really know how I coped at the time and now almost two years later it is still difficult although losing Dad was the biggest loss in a series of losses that happened over a fairly short period of time and I still have problems I am trying to cope with so my grief timescale is probably not a good example.  What I think I'm trying to say is that Hope is right and that time does take the sting out of the pain especially with family around to support you and to receive support too.  Sorry Candy I don't think I have explained myself very well.

When the time comes you will grieve in your own way and in your own time and we will be here for you throughout.

I hope you have a good visit with your Mum and my thoughts are with you but you may not hear from me now until Sunday as I have to go to Birmingham for a big work do and will be away from a computer.

Take good care Candy.

Garf. xxx

Hi Candy

Hope you are are coping OK.  As you say Candy the bills still keep arriving and continuiing on at work tries to keep some normality in your life for the time being.  It helps if there is someone with your mum both during the day and at night.  You were saying your sister stays with her during the day and you call in after work - you must be exhausted Candy.  I hope you are getting some sleep at night but more than likely you're not.  I have been thinking about you all week and only got to check in today to see if there has been any further news.

Look after yourself Candy and keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.  Don't be worrying about an individual reply you have enough to deal with and your mum is your no. 1 priority.

Mickied

Hi everyone

Sorry I haven't had the time to reply to you all! Will just write a quick reply to you all

My mum is still with us and seems to be making such a big improvement. Of course I know she isn't going to be cured but nice to see her eating a lot and being bright and happy. Still been going to work and going to the hospice after work. Yes Mickied you are right I am pretty exhausted from it all finding myself so tired all the time but I'm not complaining. Had to take a night off recently as I was very sick and didn't want to pass it on.

Sorry for such a short reply I am just about to go to bed for an early night

Take care everyone xxx

Hi Candy,

Don't worry about apologising for a short reply; you and your mother has to be the main priority. So pleased to hear she is improving and hope this continues. Make the most of these times Candy for the memories will help in the future. Our mother are made of stern stuff and at times it make you wonder where they get their reserves of energy from. They can be right down one day and next day they bounce right back. You do however have to take care of yourself though Candy, for the strain that this evil disease puts on all of us takes it's toll both emotionally and physically. You need to stay strong for what is to come.

Wishing you and your mother all the best, Brian

Hi there Candy,

I am so pleased that yourt Mum seems to be doing so well since she went into the hospice although I am sorry you have been ill yourself recently.

I hope you slept well after your early night and that your Mum is still feeling good when you see her later.  As brian has said you must take care of yourself and keep your strength up and whenever you feel a slight lack of it we will see if we can pick you back up again.

Wishing you the best Candy,

Garf. x

Hi Brian! How have you been?

Yeah its amazing to see her transformation from what she was like in hospital to how she is now.. Just shows you what good care can do for people! And she seems to have more of an appetite at the hospice.. But i guess this is down to them actually making sure patients actually eat, whereas at the hospital they were just bringing her the food and leaving her to it. Most of the time she was in too much pain to eat! The more i think about it the more i get annoyed at the care she received at the hospital.. Thinking of making a complaint against them!

Your right it is draining dealing with all of it, but whenever i feel like its getting to me i just tell myself i can get through it and that how i feel is nothing compared to how my mum must feel. So i am plodding along for now and trying to  stay positive and make the most of the time i have left with her

xxxx

Hi Brian! How have you been?

Yeah its amazing to see her transformation from what she was like in hospital to how she is now.. Just shows you what good care can do for people! And she seems to have more of an appetite at the hospice.. But i guess this is down to them actually making sure patients actually eat, whereas at the hospital they were just bringing her the food and leaving her to it. Most of the time she was in too much pain to eat! The more i think about it the more i get annoyed at the care she received at the hospital.. Thinking of making a complaint against them!

Your right it is draining dealing with all of it, but whenever i feel like its getting to me i just tell myself i can get through it and that how i feel is nothing compared to how my mum must feel. So i am plodding along for now and trying to  stay positive and make the most of the time i have left with her

xxxx

Hi Candy,

I am very well, thank you for asking. Hospice's are very good at controlling pain and this must have made such a difference to your mother. The fact she that she is eating better now also has a bearing on how she is feeling. I hope this continues. With regard to you continuing working, I think you are doing exactly the right thing. I too had to work when my mother was in hospital/ hospice and like you helped to take my mine off her suffering if only for a short while.

Sending best wishes to you both, Brian.

Afternoon Brian, that's good I'm glad you are well!

Yeah it's amazing the difference proper treatment can make to a person!

I find it easier keeping routine and coming to work for now. And although I'd love to be at the hospice all the time I don't feel I need time off just now since she is doing ok and would rather keep my time for when it's really needed. She has loads of visitors during the day anyway my aunt and her friends etc so she's never alone.. Although sometimes I think she finds all the visitors a bit much and it tires her out.

Feeling a bit down today.. Must be having an off day lol

xxx

Hi Candy,

Hope both you and you mother are feeling better today. Yes, I expect your mother does tire easily these days, I know my mother did. But when I went to see her, her face lit up and she was always so pleased to see me. There were times I wish I could have done more but at that time mum was in hospital our youngest grandson was born and they found he had a lot of problems. He had a cleft palette which was successfully repaired but he also has facial palsy meaning he cant smile. He also has moebious syndrome. Several times of an evening I had to take my son and grandson to the hospital or ended up looking after my other two grandchildren when he was taken ill. It was such a stressful time. But the little feller has proved the doctors wrong when they said he would never talk even though its not as clear as you or I would talk. these gays he talks non stop and is such a cheeky lad who I love to bits along with his brother and sister.  I regret so much that mum never got to see him. 

Take care and hope you have a good weekend and that you mother is okay. Best wishes to both of you, Brian.

Morning Brian! Up nice and early today lol.. I am in work sadly, although its been quiet this morning so thought id pop on here

I am sure you done more than enough for your mum so i doubt you need to wish you done more. Oh i am sorry to hear about your grandsons tough start in life. But i am sure with a grandpa like you he will do just fine later in life! It is a shame that your mum never got to meet him but you and your family can tell him all about her !!

Are you doing much over the weekend?

xxx

Hi Candy,

Hope work is still quiet this morning.  Haven't got anything much planned for the weekend.  Everywhere my grandson goes he always make people laugh. He has a lovely attitude to life; he told his dad, I was born like this so I can make people laugh. One thing I will be doing at the weekend is writing some more of my stories. For some years I have written stories for my grandchildren and I have jigs made up so I can print them out and make them into paperback books for them. I have about thirty books done ranging from 40 to 80 A4 pages. Keeps the old grey matter active at least.

Have a great weekend and try and find some time to relax. Best wishes, Brian.

Hi Candy,

Just checking in with you and hoping everything is o.k. as you haven't posted for a few days.

Thoughts are with you and your Mum.

Garf. xx

Hello Garf and everyone else! So sorry I haven't posted in a while my computer has been broken...

Everything is still okay. Mum is still with us and doing okay except for a lot of confusion and struggling to get her point across. We've had to ask for pain relifef a few times as well as she's had sore head and back but other than that not much more to report!

I went on the night out with my friends and had a good time. Straight up to the hospice the next day feeling a little fuzzy but still made it!

How was all of your weekends?

I have signed up to do the race for life again this year.. Was thinking of maybe posting my just giving page on here although I am hesitant to as my family etc don't know I use this site....

xxxx

Hi Candy

I was glad to hear you went on your night out with your friends - different scenery and all that and you enjoyed yourself.

I didn't do much over the weekend.  I have a 30th birthday party this Saturday - hubby's cousin and nothing much else planned.

Will keep checking in to see how you are coping.

Take care and in my thoughts

Mickied

Just want to say to Garf I was thinking about you the other night when I heard about the floods in London.  My heart goes out to all those people caught up in this freaky weather.

We were all complaining in Belfast yesterday about the heavy rain etc nothing compared to what England are facing at the minute.

Hope you are keeping warm and dry Garf

Mickied

Hi Candy,

Sorry you have been having computer problems but very pleased that your Mum is still fighting and that you managed to enjoy your night out, even if it did mean paying the usual price of a fuzzy head the next day. My weekend wasn't up to much except for an unsuccsessful round of golf on Sunday although it was difficult to concentrate after finding out my Niece was in hospital with doctors trying to find out what is wrong.  She has been in for a week now but different consultants seem to have diferent ideas so we are still playing the waiting game.

Hi Mickied,

Thanks for thinking of me but I can promise you that, aside from being woken up in the early hours by the occasional, apocalyptic downpour and the fact that the saturated ground is doing nothing for my golf game we are not being too badly affected by the weather --- so far!  I really do feel for the poor souls in the South West who have been flooded for so long and Criccieth, the town where I originally come from in North Wales, was actually on the national news yesterday during the storms.

Take care both of you and here is wishing you a good and peaceful weekend.

Garf. x

Hi Garf

Some people were complaining in Belfast the other day about the terrible storms we are getting.  I told them that is nothing compared to what the people in England and Wales are facing at the minute with more storms on the way.  When you think of it Garf some people have been facing that type of weather from Christmas and their houses are completely destroyed.  My heart went out to the family of the man who was electrocuted during the storms on Wednesday night.  It is scary when you think about it.

You take care too Garf and hope you have a nice peaceful weekend

Mickied