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Update on mum

Candy23
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Hi everyone. Sorry I have been away so long!! Only just remembered I had created an account on here!

Just thought I'd pop on and add an update for everyone I had spoken to in the past. I will recap for anyone else who reads this and doesn't know my story

My mum was diagnosed with lung cancer last year and was given radiotherapy to shrink the tumour as it couldn't be removed safely due to it's location. We were hopeful since after her treatment she had a scan and was told it had shrunk dramatically. Unfortunately two days after this she took a turn for the worst and ended up in hospital in a bad state. We eventually spoke to a consultant who told us it had spread to her brain and was terminal. She bounced back after this and was released home, and was told perhaps chemo would prolong her life and was her decision, this is where I left off last time I wrote on here. Just an update to say she decided against the chemo after being told it may not help and would make her pretty sick, wasn't worth it at the time as she was still pretty able and in a good way. Since then she has been in and out of hospital a few times, nothing as serious as the first time. Celebrated Christmas, new year & just recently my birthday. Glad for this although she is sadly getting weaker and sorer, spends most of the the time resting.

Anyway just thought I would post an update! Thank you for reading xxx

  • Offline in reply to Candy23

    Hi Candy,

    Thanks for the latest update and so pleased to hear you spent a weekend with your mother. You must feel so mush easier knowing she is getting great care at the hospice. Candy you have no need to apologize for not replying before as you mother has to be your main priority.

    Take care of yourself, Brian


  • Offline in reply to Candy23

    Not a bad weekend thanks Candy although Sunday was spent simply watching the clock waiting for tea time when I had to go back to work for the party.  I actualy have to go to another party in Birmingham on Friday which fortunately I don't have to work at but it's a posh do that won't finish until at least 2.00am and then a four hour mini bus ride home after breakfast.  I'm afraid I'm not really looking forward to it but it will be something to talk about at work for a day or two afterward.

    By the time you read this you will have been to visit your Mum again and I just hope she is still comfortable.  I don't blame you for not worrying about speaking to your boss just yet.  As you say there is no point in possibly giving yourself more stress than you already have.

    Take care and speak soon.

    Garf. xx

  • Offline in reply to Candy23

    Hi Candy

    Just popped in to see if there was any more news about your mum.   As Brian has said Candy you don't need to apologise for not replying as your mum is your no. 1 priority at the moment.

    I am so glad she is receiving the care and attention she deserves at the hospice and you also feel the ease of being able to ask all the questions you need answered.

    I will check in again later in the week to see how you are.

    Take care and thinking of you

    Mickied

  • Offline in reply to Annabel

    Hi Annabel :)!

    Yep your right she is in a hospice now. And yeah exactly it's amazing how much better the nurses are there, we didn't have much of luck with the nurses in he hospital.. Now I'm not saying that all nurses in hospitals are the same but the ones we encountered just had to bedside manner and didn't seem to care much for the patients. Totally different at the hospice, you can tell these people actually want to be there and give care to the people that need it & they are very friendly to all of the families as well it's great, I just wish she could've been moved there sooner so se didn't need to go through the pain in the hospital!

    Thank you for replying to me , talk soon take care!

    xx

  • Offline in reply to woodworm

    Hi Brain!

    Yeah we had a nice time over the weekend, was good to spend some time with her. She's starting to get very tired now and everyone visiting all the time is too much for her I think. She's not really getting to rest in between as people are going down all day then away while she gets dinner and back again, so she's having to stay away all day and a lot of the night which is tiring her out I think..

    xxx

  • Offline in reply to GARF

    Oh I'm sure you'll find yourself enjoying the party when you are there! Although the bus journey might not be so fun after a night of drinking lol!! Yes I'm sure there will be many stories to be told in work the days after it!

    Mum seems ok in the hospice, doesn't seem to be in any pain. Although she does talk a lot of nonsense most of the time them laughs at herself which is funny lol! Think the hairdresser is coming to do her hair for her sometime this week which will be nice!

    Talking about work.. I have made the decision to come in and work as normal for now and go to the hospice afterwards, my sister however has been off so far this week and planning to take the rest off.. My work aren't as lenient as here and I can't help but think she's making little digs at me about working as normal..

    Do you think it's wrong of me to be in work??

    xxx

  • Offline in reply to mickied

    Hey Mickied

    Not too much else to tell really! She is still much the same.. Very tired a lot of the time! Will be going to see her after my work tonight

    Yeah the care at the hospice is amazing, very reassuring!

    How are you, did you have a nice weekend

    xxx

  • Offline in reply to Candy23

    Hi Candy,

    I don't think you are wrong at all for being at work, after all we hope that your Mum will be around for as long as possible and if your workplace is not as lenient as where your sister works then you have no alternative.  If you think your sister is having a dig at you then maybe just talk to her quietly as it may just seem that way.  She is after all as upset as you I have no doubt and so may be projecting a little of her anger and frustration onto you without realizing it.  Do you have a close relationship with her?

    It's strange that you say your Mum laughs at herself when she talks nonsense which is great for you both because when Dad found it hard to communicate he would get very frustrated.

    To go back to the work topic you have to try and find a balance between what you feel is right for you and what is practical.  I have no doubt your Mum would be upset with you if you put your job at risk when they are so hard to come by as it is.  If you are seeing her every day after work or evenings then I really wouldn't give it a second thought.

    Garf.xxx

  • Offline in reply to Candy23

    Hi Candy,

    Sorry to but in on your conversation with Garf but I was reading your post and felt I had to comment about your work dilemma.  Cancer affects not only the patient but all who love them and it is very important that those caring still keep some balance to their lives, otherwise I think we wouldn't be able to carry on. My parents both died of cancer very quickly from diagnosis last year both within 5 months of each other; I work part-time and I took some time off during their illness but also went to work too.  For me it was a coping mechanism; work offered me some normality and kept me sane to face the things that lay ahead. You have to do what is right for you and it sounds to me that you are supporting your Mum very well.  Also nobody can ever really tell when it is the end, not even the professionals.  When my Mum died I knew we were coming to the end, but the question "how long" nobody could answer.  The fact was that she went into a hospice (who were wonderful) and even the Doctors there couldn't say. I stayed all day and left in the evening after they had told me they would start a new drug the following morning; then in the early hours I got a call to say she had passed away.  So what I'm trying to say to you is that you can only do your best, and you have to be kind to yourself and accept that you are doing your best.  Thinking of you.  Hope23 x

  • Offline in reply to GARF

    Hi Garf!

    Thanks, i think im just worrying myself over it! Of course id like to spend all my time with her but sadly i have to keep the money coming in or the bills will pile up..I did say to her but she said she isn't having digs so who knows... Also my mum gets very tired if people are there all day and night, so me being at work does give her a bit of a break as well. Gives her a bit of rest in between and then i go vist from about 5 until 9 or earlier than 5 if i can get there...

    I think she laughs it off so not to get annoyed or frustrated like you say.. Or maybe not to show us that she is ?

    I find myself coping better if i keep my routine. And i dont want to be taking time off when its not 100% needed, whereas when i do need it off i can say look i came in and did my hours when most people would've taken it off so i am entitled to this time off now.. I will figure it out i guess

    xxxx

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