Hi Annabel

Thanks for your kind words.  Am of course on the rollercoaster ride that is cancer and thankfully am not alone with the forum behind me..Like everyone some days are more difficult than others but the 'coping mechanism' does seem to be working on the whole.  Despite his pain we both managed our night out last night (I had no luck at the bingo but a lovely evening nonetheless with my friend (and supplier of white wine afterwards bless her)) and he enjoyed a wee dram (though could not finish his beer!!) with his best mate (my friend's hubby).  This is the same couple we are hoping to be away with next weekend and I am still trying to get hubby to sort his suit out for the function we are atttending on the Saturday night (he has borrowed braces to hold the trousers up if necessary - not sure 'dropping them' would be a good look).  Fingers crossed now he has a visit to his work on Monday to look forward to that will help take his mind of the hospital appointment on Tuesday - or at least push it further back!! -. Where I work has a stock audit over a few days so am working a few extra hours to help out.  They have been so supportive over the last two years since hubby's diagnosis so its good to give something back.

Weather here is damp dull and windly so indoors seems to be the place to be today (had a lazy  morning watching Australian Open whilst hubby continued to sleep in the lounge following getting up earlier than normal with pain.  He is only now eating his breakfast bless him so think lunch will be mid-afternoon and dinner a late one - at least I can plan ahead.

Hope you manage a few hours to yourself and did you get under the 'bonnet' to sort the car - you are definitely a multi-tasking women.   Take care, will catch up again soon.  Jules xxx

Hi Jules,

Thanks for your reply. I am sorry your hubbys' pain threshold has changed and he is having breakthrough pain, not easy for either of you. I bet he doesn't like to mention it either. !! Yes it's part of your rollercoaster ride (all of our rides being different) and something to get on with.(No choice really) I do think you are very stoic, however I do understand that this is where this site is great because we can let our feelings out on here without hurting anyone at home.

I hope you do get away with your good friends next weekend and will keep my fingers crossed that you have good weather.

Weather here today is not just damp  but raining hard again and really windy. Have to say I was going to pop round to one or two friends but have opted for the comfort of the living room and to finish more of my curtains of as I am making them by hand. (choice).

I did get under the car bonnet and now know how to change the air filters. !!!

Todays job is something to do with the assisted stearing, but I am staying inside. Might pop out with a cuppa for him at some point and have a nose. !!LOL.

keep your chin up Jules, thinking of you

hugs

Annabel. xx

Hello JulesI have been thinking about you and hubby and hope things go well for hubby on Tuesday and hope you are coping with all this illness brings with it ,I notice hubby is getting pain  and just a thought Tony was put on a pain relief patch called Fentinyl that worked well because of nauseahe couldnt keep pills down so the patches took all pain away thankfully ,he was eventualy put on a syringe driver at the end , hope this helps ,it will be a year since Tony passed away on the 5th Feb and its so hard as I miss him so much the hurt dosnt seem to ease ,our children have bought a lilac  bush to plant in the garden for their dad so it will attract butterflieshe took lovely photos of butterflies .I hope you havnt had any fludding in this awful weather when is it goig to end Rusty dosnt mind the rain but im fed up getting wet day after day I see you have a lovely new grandchild the little ones always make us smile dont thet bless them .Its my youngest son Dylans birthday tomorrow so the whole family are going out for lunch  so that will be nice  no cooking ha ha ,Hope to chat soon keep smiling Jules     Susananne xx

Hi Susananne

It was so kind of  you respond on my thread for I know how hard it must be for you to be following a journey you know too much about and which has left you so bereft. The coping mechanism is mainly still in place and we have been blessed with no other symptoms other than the breakthrough pain so far which I feel is a blessing as we near the two year anniversary of diagnosis.  Hubby has been on 3 monthly check ups all this year and no extra visits required other than to sort medication through GP.  His general health has remained good (a couple of colds) but his main struggle is with the enforced retirement (though he is still helping out as consultant on phone from time to time and thats when I see my man smile) and he is genuinely happy to be popping back to the workplace tomorrow to give some training.  Other than that life plods on much the same but with an extra grandson to cuddle.  We were visited yesterday by the family and spent the afternoon and early evening 'playing' in my case, watching and having cuddles where hubby was concerned.  The eldest grandson is now reading some of his books with me and we enjoyed drawing, jigsaws and talking(he definitely takes after my side of the family)!!

The forum continues to be my  escape route to support and I am so grateful to all who take the time to chat.  Hubby often asks who I am talking to and seems happy enough that I have an outlet (he still finds is difficult to talk openly and its only when my frustration boils over (which it does due to lack of knowledge) that I tentatively ask questions (usually the week leading up to his appointment, like now, so that I do not have nasty shocks in the consultant's room).

I read on Beryl's thread that you still have 'trusty Rusty' to help with exercise routines and so hope the weather will improve soon (rotten here again today) so you can enjoy it more (not much fun getting wet day in day out).  Also that you have been getting some help with how you are feeling and Beryl will so understand how you are feeling awash with grief for your lost Tony.  I too think of you and hope you can find an inner peace one day and hope you will feel able to pop into the forum.  Thank you so much for the information about the patches and have stored that knowledge for future discussions with hubby's team who are so supportive and always give me the opportunity to talk to them.  One thing we cannot fault is the NHS and hubby's 'support crew' - 2 lovely girls who are always available through their contact numbers during daytime and then 24hr answerphone service and then of course he has access to MacMillan Nurse if needs be (so far this was only required when he had chemo - can you  believe that was over a year ago now!!).

Well thats enough of a ramble for now.  Hope you enjoy your time with the family and again thanks for caring enough to contact me.  Virtual hugs and kind thoughts sent your way.  Jules xx

Good morning Jules,

I am so sorry I didn't get back to you yesterday. I was persuaded (or rather bullied to be honest) by my wife to tidy up my things in the spare bedroom, mainly paperwork I had been putting off for a while. This took much longer than I expected as we ended up changing the room around as well.

I am so sorry to hear new meds not working and that your husband has had to revert to previous regime. Although I can understand you feeling apprehensive about the appointment on Tuesday, I bet in other ways it cant come soon enough. It must be hard for you knowing he is in pain but not being able to talk to him easily about it. We men don't like to show pain  ( it's a macho thing ) and it's a natural reaction to try and protect our loved ones from it but I have learnt that you ladies have an instinctive feel for things like this, for you know your men too well for us to be able to hide much from you.

I can understand you are concerned about him going into work especially with the hours drive each way but it may take his mind off the pain for a few hours. I can believe it for he seems so devoted to his work. To me, although I enjoyed my work, I prefer to be retired as I can do what I like for the first time in my life, plus I can help Mrs B and make sure she doesn't overdo things. I hope your consultant is able to sort out the pain problem quickly and easily especially so you can get away next weekend.

I have written an open letter which I am sending to the rest of the committee who I met with last Saturday about the cost of travelling to hospital. I am asking them if they think anything that should be added/changed, and afterwards I intend to send it to my M.P. As you can gather, I do feel very strongly about this.

I do hope things get better for you both, please take care and I am sending best wishes to you both for Tuesday. Hugs from Brian.

Thanks Brian. Will be keeping everything crossed for Tuesday and will be back to share any news. Take care.Jules xx

Good morning Jules,

Apologies for 'Long time, no chat!' (Still doing more observing than posting!)

Just wanted to wish you and hubby love and luck for Tuesday's appointment. I do hope your hubby's team can sort his meds.

Lovely to read of your husband's enthusiasm about going back into work to help his colleagues out! Hope this, coupled with new meds, will give him a lift and enable you both to have a really fantastic break away next weekend! You deserve some quality 'Jules' time and hope there's lots of good food, good company and lots of relaxation on the menu!

Belated thank you for your birthday wishes (on Max's thread) For some reason I didn't receive a notification of its arrival!

Looking back, I can't believe how fast January has whizzed by! This was really brought home last night as we had a Burn's Night supper (partner half Scottish!) No doubt, being a chef, he'll embrace the Chinese New Year with an appropriate menu too!

I know how lucky I am to have a 'man who cooks' and I'm sure his kitchen capers have helped me on the road to recovery!

Well, enough of my Sunday morning rambling (probably the only sort of rambling that will be done today as the weather here is grey and wet!)

Enjoy the rest of your weekend,

Love and hugs to you, Jo xxxxx

p.s. Hi Annabel, thanks for your post too, on Max's thread (Max56 are you online?) as I said to Jules, for some reason I didn't receive a notification on its arrival! Will post you a message there asap!   xx

Hi Jo

Thanks so much for your good wishes.  This forum continues to give so much support,its heartwarming;which is more than can be said for the weather.I am sitting watching rain once again stream down our windows and very thankful to be indoors despite preferring to get out for a walk - not today!!!

Have just enjoyed the Australian Mens Final Tennis and grateful that hubby feeling a bit better this morning having taken the decision to return to his old medication regime until his hospital appointment. Its helped give him a good nights sleep and he has kicked the GP's suggestion of a changeover into touch!!!!  The trial change suggested left him unhappy and in more pain so after 5 days is back where he was just over a week ago but still the battler I know and love (it so hurts when he hurts).  We are still very hopeful that the weekend away will go ahead (we did not manage the get-together last year as the chemo just knocked him for six) and he wants to be there so we will do all we can to make it happen (our friends will take over the driving if he feels its too much but he is driving himself to work tomorrow (this could prove the 'dummy run' to see how he manages a drive of more than an hour)).

I have a few busy days ahead with a stock audit at work, visiting Mum, longers hours, the hospital appointment (emotional rollercoaster does not do it justice just now) and if Friday a.m. arrives and we are both up for it (holding my  breath just now) I will get my  hair cut, nails painted (whats left of them) and join my very brave man in our quest for a great weekend. My 'healthy' eating will take a back seat as I enjoy cooked breakfast for two days and 4star cooking for the weekend.  To think you live with a chef = yummy.

Take care of yourself Jo and thanks for being on the forum, along with so many others too numerous to mention, but worth your weight in gold. Have a peaceful day - am off to wipe my eyes and make a coffee - what a journey.  Jules xxx

Hi Jules

Just read your post and I am sorry to see that your hubby is in pain I do hope when you go on Tuesday they can sort it out for you both.  Thinking of you.

Love always

Beryl xxx