Morning Jules,

Was just wondering how you got on when you visited your Mum this week, and also how your daughter got on at hospital?  I do hope things are not too stressful for you and that you can try and have a relaxing weekend.

I'm waiting for my eldest to come home, he has spent somewhat of Freshers sleeping on fellow pupils floors after social events - latest was a toga party last night!  I'm off to my counsellor this morning, had originally been thinking I wouldn't need to see her for too much longer but have been so emotional this week so will talk things over with her.

The weather is forecast to be nice this weekend but is looking a bit gloomy at present.  Here's hoping it brightens up and the sun shines on us all.  Take care  Hope x

Hi Hope

Hope you visit to the counsellor was helpful and its good for you to be able to talk things through and this should last as long as you need it.

I have just returned from visiting Mum and she was ok though I am sure a little concerned at how long she will be able to stay where she.  She has amazed the staff at how forthright she was when social worker 'interviewed' her and they are left in no doubt as to what she wants. All the care staff came to see me whilst I was visiting to make sure I was okay too - very sweet.  I stayed until she was due to go into lunch and we even managed a bit of a laugh when I showed her latest photos of her great grandson.  He has really enjoyed his first week in Reception and keeps telling his mum that his teacher is the most beautiful one in the school!!

Hubby and I picked him up from school on Friday as my daughter had to return to hospital for a second day of tests and monitoring.  Specialist blood tests with regard to her liver function have been sent off and unless she hears otherwise she returns to clinic next Friday.  The last set of bloods were borderline but all readings for the baby were good.  If the new blood tests show certain 'rises' she may have to be taken in and possibly induced (she is now 37 weeks and would probably welcome is being over and done with!!).  Anyway so far so good.  I have an overnight bag ready and waiting and she has several friends on standby to get her to the hospital if her hubby is at work.  Mind you she is still driving herself at present!!

When we met our grandson at school (its only 10mins to his home) he told Grandad that he could meet us there as it was healthier to walk!!!  My hubby's face was a picture as he drove off and I walked the little tyke home!!

Life's stresses seem to come and go but having the forum to offload certainly helped me to see things in perspective this week though I think my mood swings are more due to hormones than current circumstances.

Sounds like your eldest having a great time during Freshers but will no doubt be looking forward to some home cooking.  Have a great weekend with the family and will catch up again soon.  All the best and look after yourself. Jules xx

Good morning Connie,

Thanks for updating us. There is another thread I replied to where another lady said she also feels so helpless. I know I did when my mother was slowly slipping away from breast cancer which spread to her brain. We see our loved ones slowly getting worse and there is nothing we can do to stop the cancers progress and this is so hard to deal with as I know all to well. 

I am so pleased you had a lovely family holiday and hope you made some happy memories that will help you in the future for they are something not even time can take away from you. Whenever I feel the loss of my mother, I have many happy memories that help me cope with the sadness that hits me. 

My mother was also a very fit and independent woman and even at the last she was more worried about me than she was for herself. Connie, we have every right to be proud of our parents for they have helped shape the person we have become and I feel convinced that your father is very proud of you and loves you very much, which in turn helps him cope so well.

Have they offered your father Abiraterone. It is for men with advanced prostate cancer and is is supposed to give men several more months. I know It is not suitable for every man but thought I would just mention it for some hospitals are reluctant due to it's high cost.

Please keep us updated when you can and anytime you want to talk I and other will do all we can to help.

Take care, I am sending best wishes to you, your father and your family, Brian.

Hi Brian

Dad is on Abariterone and predonisolone and has been now for 2 month but unfortunately I have just found out that his psa has gone up agian. He is on 2 weekly appointments and we will just have to wait and see what happens. He is also now requiring blood transfusions 2.5 weekly. We keep joking we are making a series of casualty! I know dad is on the best treatment he could have all considered and if it buys us a few months Brian then it is extra months together and we are grateful for whatever time we have.

Thank you again for your kind words and support and I will keep in touch.

Love and Hugs

Connie xx  

Hi Jules,

Just managing to catch up with various threads on here and managed to track you down to this new one! I'll need to be brief as I'm finding even the little things like typing messages, quite an energy drain!

Sorry to read that the situation with your mum's care is still, as yet, unresolved, although hopefully, when she has made her decision, the ball can get rolling. I hope your hubby feels a little better over the coming days too. Sounds as if he's been working hard!

Lovely to read that your grandson is settling into his new school life so well. Our school offers a similar phased entry over the first fortnight of the new school year, and the system really seems to help the children settle in before they realise that they're 'in the system' for the next 13+ years!!!

Hope your daughters appointment goes well today too and that you manage to get all the jobs done that  you've listed! You'll certainly deserve your night out tonight at Bingo. Good luck for a healthy win!

Jules, You are like a plate spinner, you manage work, hubby, mum, daughter, grandson, home etc etc as well as offering your wise words of support to others on this forum! Like so many others, a true superstar!

Enjoy the weekend and I hope the sun shines wherever you are.

Best wishes, Jo xx

Thanks Brian

Eat plenty of nuts and in a couple of days you may find your Brainitus is rewarded by being proud of another job well done(though I dont envy you have to lay a floor!!)

Spent the morning chatting to Mum and there is no doubt she is prepared to stay where she is as long as her own funds allow.  Seems to have some 'mojo' back and has told me to tell the social services to leave her alone as she is determined to stay where she is whilst she can afford it.  I have duly followed her instructions (I dare not disobey) and so have both telephoned and e-mailed the 'final decision' to decline their offer of sheltered housing and she has specifically asked them to stop badgering her about it!!  Well that told me and them and I am so proud of her.

Its been quite a week and I shall be glad to go to my bingo night having put this subject 'to bed' at the moment.

Now I can concentrate on lifting hubby's spirits.  He has now been officially 'retired early' (found out Tuesday but delayed telling me as he felt I had enough going on!!  - was quite cross with him but he has always put others first (its one of the things I love about him )).  Think we are facing another period of re-adjustment  but he is looking foward to our new grandchild's arrival and being able to help our daughter if the need arises hopefully will make him realise he is still  'there for us' as much as we are here for him.

Hope you have some time for R&R over the weekend.  Take care and virtual hugs for listening to this 'old girl' ramble through life's ups and downs.

Jules xx

Evening Hope

Pleased your enjoyed your outing with friends, just nice to be able to relax and choosing baby clothes is a lovely way to cheer yourself up a little.

I managed to get my hair done and then went to see Mum and had a lovely relaxed chat (she was definitely on the ball today!!).  She told me in no uncertain terms that she would not take up the offer made by Social Services now and would be happy to spend her last penny staying comfortably looked after where she is now.  She was not too happy that they had asked me to try and change her mind - b......... cheek, its my decision, my money and tell them the decision is final and not to bother me any more!!  As a good obedient daughter I have relayed the message (they were a bit put out!!) by telephone and confirmed by e-mail so I have a written record.  Personally I can understand her reasoning (but kept my opinions to myself to avoid being accused of being a bad influence on her decision) and will try not to worry about the future when her funds are gone.  I have to say when I put the phone down to the social worker I felt much more relaxed and hopefully for the time being this 'mini headache' has been put to bed.

Hubby a little brighter today and has to accept that he faces a life of leisure now.  Finally told me that he has been asked to take early retirement (did not want to worry me whilst I was dealing with Mum- I was a little cross but his kindness is one of his endearing qualities) and so another period of re-adjustment is upon us (we knew it would come one day but that does not make it any easier for him to acknowledge) during our cancer journey.  Thankfully when the new grandchild comes along my daughter will be only too pleased to have an extra pair of arms to hold the baby or do a jigsaw with our elder grandson.  We picked the little one up from school this afternoon and he was full of beans and had me playing hide and seek around the flat followed by several jigsaws.  We need to do a trip to the toy shop to get some with more pieces as the 65 pces were done very quickly!!

Well shortly off for our night out and then think daughter and grandson coming to keep us company tomorrow morning as son in law is working tomorrow a.m.  Weather permitting (its been great the last couple of days) I will be gardening at some point too.

Have a relaxing weekend and chat again soon. TAke care Jules xx

Hi Jo

Lovely to hear from you and do try and get some rest and get your strength back.  The forum is always here when you want to catch up (even if I do seem to be flitting here and there).  Hubby is now a man of leisure as has been given early retirement (a bit more re-adjusting to our lives necessary which he will find harder as he is not used to have so much time on his hands).  Commonsense has to prevail as the two hour round trip to his place of work was taking its toll and he can no longer do the physical work associated with his employment as an engineer.  Also not all to do with his illness, the company is not so busy and all bar one member of staff now on 3 day week!!.  They are still being very supportive (owner of company was originally my husband's apprentice many moons ago so is also a friend of the family) and we have so much to be thankful for especially during the past 18 months since his diagnosis.

Pleased to say left Mum in much better spirits after todays visit and am happy that she has made a decision which is right for her, both mentally and physically.

Had our nights out but sad to say no win at bingo (but lovely chat with my friend).  Sadly the evening ended with the devastating news that another friend of mine (she has been battling different cancers for over 20 years) has just had the news that despite intensive chemo over the past three months the results of the latest scan show the cancer has now spread into her brain.  We have been friends since we met when we were expecting our firstborns over 31 years ago and are the same age and she is an inspiration with her only comment being, I am not done yet,  need to get my head round this latest hiccup and will be in touch for a chat!!   All I could think of to say was that I am available for hugs whenever she needs me but just does not seem enough.

Hope you have a relaxing weekend and that the sun continues to shine where you are.  Am going to try and make the most of the decent weather to be outside.  Take care Jules xx

Hi Jules,

This old man as my grandson calls me is always pleased to listen to your ramblings and I do not think of you as an Old Girl. You always strike me as being someone who is young at heart. I do believe we are as old or as young as we feel. Your grandson obviously doesnt think of you as being old, as you play football and other games with him. My grandson only said it to wind me up; he know exactly which buttons to press to get me going.

I know this thing with the S.S and your mother has caused a lot of stress, but it shows your mother has a lot of determination and fight in her, a mother to be proud of for the way she has dealt with them.

Sorry to hear about your husbands forced retirement as I know from what you have written how much his work meant to him. You are right, it will be a big period of adjustment for you both. I know it was for me but it was something I needed to do for as you know, my wife has a lot of health problems and I feel better now I am at home to help her and to look after her.

Hope you have a relaxing weekend Jules and look after yourself for you have had a stressful few weeks in a row just lately.

Take care, best wishes as always, Brian (the nutty one)

Hi Jules,

I'm glad to hear you had a nice time with your Mum, she certainly sounds like a lady who knows her own mind (I have commented also on my thread).  I say good on her, more elderly people should be allowed to make their own decisions but unfortunately they often get muddled with all the red tape and people talking at them (and who can blame them), but your Mum sounds like she really is holding her own.

It must be difficult for hubby to accept early retirement if he has been forced, however what with a new grandchild coming very soon I'm sure he'll make good use of his extra time and hopefully that will take away some of the feelings he may have about it.  Adjustment is something all of us on here have to face one way and another isn't it?

The weather here this morning is looking promising so fingers crossed for your gardening.  I have a quiet weekend planned, eldest is off to a river boat trip on the Thames with med sch, so another night crashed on somebody's floor!  Speak soon.  Hope xx

See you are back to your 'nutty' best Brian and hope you are enjoying the fruits of your labours and that the conservatory floor project is not giving you too many headaches.  I read on  another thread that you hope to return to one of your favourite National Trust gardens (always loved to visit these when we holidayed int he UK) and it is a shame that your wife cannot enjoy the walk with you.  Was just wondering whether she would be up to being wheeled round as when we took a friend round a couple of years back we were able to borrow wheelchair on site and it gave her such pleasure to be able to join us for the visit without tiring her out.

We have had a lovely morning as our daughter and grandson have been here and he has been showing us his 'scooter skills' along our garden path.  He even got Grandad to stand in goal for him!!

My hubby also took it upon himself (hope you sitting down as you read this ) to take him to Sainsburys and they did the weekly shop together (a couple of miniature chocolate teddies found their way into the trolley plus a pack of small cars which he promptly took 'off roading in the flower bed'.  Whilst they were busy my daughter and I had good chat about his forthcoming 5th birthday in November (he wants board games and I need to know what he has already got!!).  Also discussed contingency plans for when she goes into labour.  Life will be a little easier from Monday as the little one will be in school full time so she will get plenty of rest and she now has her Dad available as back up when I am at work which has put her mind at rest (and made him feel useful!!).

Hope you find some time to relax and will chat again soon.  Jules xx

Hi Hope

Well the gardening went on hold as we had my daughter and grandson until about an hour a go when my son in law got home from work and they have gone off to buy presents for several of our grandson's friends birthdays.  Have managed to get all the washing dry (and am thinking about the ironing but no too much).  With a little bit of luck the weather will hold tomorrow and I am planning to clean the bird feeding station and then shop for new feeders/food in readiness for the return of the wild birds in the colder months.  Already the robins/blackbirds are making the odd appearance now that the mornings are cooler.

Hope you managing to have a stress free day  (is there such a thing these days) and am sure your elder son is enjoying the social side of uni (my son did and 7 years on still keeps in touch with his former  house mates even though they come from different parts of the country).  They still manage to meet up from time to time (the last time was a couple of months ago when one of the lads was passing through the area on his 'narrowboat' home and they all went to see him, bicycling along the towpath to keep up and then stopping for lunch.  Its a whole new world to explore for them and I really used to enjoy hearing all about it when he was home during the holidays.  How is your younger son enjoying being back at school?  I expect he is being kept busy too.

Look forward to chatting again soon. Take care  Jules xx

Hi Hope

Well the gardening went on hold as we had my daughter and grandson until about an hour a go when my son in law got home from work and they have gone off to buy presents for several of our grandson's friends birthdays.  Have managed to get all the washing dry (and am thinking about the ironing but no too much).  With a little bit of luck the weather will hold tomorrow and I am planning to clean the bird feeding station and then shop for new feeders/food in readiness for the return of the wild birds in the colder months.  Already the robins/blackbirds are making the odd appearance now that the mornings are cooler.

Hope you managing to have a stress free day  (is there such a thing these days) and am sure your elder son is enjoying the social side of uni (my son did and 7 years on still keeps in touch with his former  house mates even though they come from different parts of the country).  They still manage to meet up from time to time (the last time was a couple of months ago when one of the lads was passing through the area on his 'narrowboat' home and they all went to see him, bicycling along the towpath to keep up and then stopping for lunch.  Its a whole new world to explore for them and I really used to enjoy hearing all about it when he was home during the holidays.  How is your younger son enjoying being back at school?  I expect he is being kept busy too.

Look forward to chatting again soon. Take care  Jules xx

Hi Jules,

Well it sounds like you have a great day with your grandson, I notice from your post to Brian that your grandson has a scooter - I remember them so well with my boys, I used to love to have a go myself!  Fingers crossed for good weather tomorrow so you can get into the garden then.  I'm off to watch youngest play football in his new team tomorrow - it's all a bit serious now at his age (under 17s).  You asked me how he was doing back at school, well he is now in a new school for 6th form (his secondary didn't have 6th form), it is one of the top schools around here and he is enjoying it and busy studying 4 A levels.

Well wishing you a good night's sleep and speak soon.  Hope x

Morning Hope

Feels a lot later as some disturbance down our road at 3.15 a.m. meant another interrupted night but at least it was not my fault.  Still the bonus of early mornings is housework now all finished and we are having leisurely breakfast (funny hubby appeared just as I finished all the ironing!!).  Our grandson gives us lots of pleasure (and our daughter and son in law like that he can play outside) and he happily plays in the garden. They live in a first floor flat and though they have access to a garden its not the same as being able to open the door and not have to physically be out there at all times.  He knows his Mum does not like worms so what was the first thing he bought in! We normally see them at least once a week but with the new addition due soon they have popped in a little more (bless them they always text to see if its okay even though we have always had open house policy - it we are in always pleased to see visitors). When our children went through school (I then worked at home proofreading) our stairs resounded with the noise of after school gang, especially with our daughter and even now when we see them out and about with their own families in tow they remember the days of squash and biscuits - simple pleasures).  Our son was more of a 'go to other friends' places and had outside hobbies and as I  have never driven and hubby worked away quite a lot of the time they both got used to walking and public transport from a very early age and even though they both now drive they still walk whenever its possible (as they say not only is it better for them its cheaper too!!)

Hope the football game goes well. The weather here is windy but bright so when the temperature gets up a bit I think I will get outside (unless I am catching up with a doze on the sofa!!)  You have too very bright lads that must make  you and your husband so proud. Enjoy the rest of your weekend and will catch up again soon. Take care.  Jules x

Hi Jules,

I have been catching up with the news in your family, especially about your Mum. She sounds quite a character.

Your daughter will be getting to the stage when she will be glad to have the baby and get her body back. I remember that stage of pregnancy, I felt like a beached whale. !!!!!!

I am so glad to  the grandson is enjoying school and keeping you young!!! I look forward to all of that with little Ava.

Off to London tomorrow for a few days. Unfortuneately I have to return Thursday for a doctors appointment on Friday.

It will be lovely to see my daughter and son in law as well.

Hope you've had a good weekend

best

Annabel. xx

Hi Jules,

I guess you are probably feeling tired now what with your early start - I'm envious that you got all your housework done, mine is still waiting!  I've been to football which took up a lot of the day, then over to the house for more clearing.  There is so much to do it feels like it's going on forever, still I think we are slowly getting there.  It's always a bit upsetting going through things, but I'm trying to focus on the good memories now.

Like you I always like a noisy house, and used to love my sons friends coming over to play when they were little.  Nowadays with the addition of X Box everyone seems to stay in their own houses and play on-line!  Well it will soon be October so not long until your new bundle arrives, bet you can't wait!  Have a good week and hope all continues OK with your Mum.  Hope  xx

Morning Hope

.

Well made it through to about late afternoon before I had a power nap!!  Had a pretty quiet day which has helped though I did manage to do a bit in the garden and also took myself for a leisurely afternoon walk (not one who can sit around all day and it was a beautiful day).  Hubby spent much of the day dozing (probably due to be able to relax as we had no visitors) or watching me do the housework (something I am having to get used to!! ).

Certainly clearing the house is not easy task physically let alone mentally.  Helped with my mother in laws many years ago and that was difficult.  When my Mum  moved into care we cleared the flat but I still have around six large boxes of her bits and pieces sitting in our spare room as it does not feel right to do anything with them whilst she is still with us even though she does not want  it. (Also if she does have to move again in the future she would have to completely re-furnish as the sheltered housing situation would be unfurnished - though trying not to dwell on that though now!!).

Bet your son was happy to have your support as he started with the new football team and its not something I relate too as my son preferred cricket and never really became interested in footie so I have never stood and watched a whole match!!!  No one in our family ever really been into football so maybe that explains it. I love to watch other sports on the tv and hubby used to race cars (pre children) so would spend a lot of our 'date' at race meets (750 club class) - those were the days.  Still love to watch cricket which I used to go to with my Dad from a very early age and also tennis.  Was never sporty myself other than having to join in at school but have always done a lot of walking.  Both my parents loved to walk (and did not drive) and we spent many an hour at weekends walking on the Heath.

Well I am thinking I had best clear up my breakfast washing up as otherwise it will be waiting for me when I get in from work .  Have a good week. Chat soon. Jules xx

Afternoon Jules,  Hope you've had a good day.  I've been feeling a bit down today for no apparent reason (well other than the obvious); just part of the journey I'm on I guess.  Still the sun is shining now and I've finished work so not all bad!

Can relate to watching cricket, youngest also played cricket for several years, so just when the football season finished I'd be out again all Summer watching cricket!  Can't say I ever really understood it, but had some pleasant days drinking and chatting on the pavillion!  He gave it up a few years back now so at least I have the weekends to myself during the Summer now.

Off to make dinner now and take some relaxing time for myself tonight as hubby working late. Have a good evening.  Hope x

Hi Hope,

Maybe you feeling a little better today.  Think Monday's are often a 'low' day as at the weekend we have family around us and enjoy the feeling  of being needed/supported.  Then the weekday comes and its off to work and we have to make an effort to be in control (pushing our own feelings down to be able to cope).  I am having a lazy morning as this is a non work day and later today we are picking up our grandson with our daughter (so we find out where his new classroom is) as he is now doing full hours (and still loving it thankfully).  We are going through the strange transition of hubby being at home all day (hard for him I know) following early retirement being mutually agreed last week.(the travelling was getting too much and physically he knew the time was right).  Sadly there is not much he can do without getting breathless and he spends his day sitting in the chair and I am learning to have to work round him (very strange). I dont think even I realised how much working meant to him as he is now like a child who has lost his favourite toy and think he is now very sad and feels he has no purpose.  Me and the kids are doing our best to get him as involved as he can be in 'our world' as we want him to have a good life whilst he is still able but this is clearly difficult for him.  His next routine appointment is at the end of the month but other than that we are trying to focus on the forthcoming new grandchild as a positive and making memories with the family.    He has just reminded me that his prescription will be ready for collection today so will see to that later.  For now I hear that the weather is going to be warmer later so a bit more gardening seems in order.

Love the way you are supporting so many others on this site Hope and feel your own experiences will help them with their understanding that we are never alone when forums such as this exist.

Take care Jules xx

Good morning Jules, Hope & Annebel,

The day has started very well for me. I took my wife shopping at Mr Tesco's this morning and I am very surprised you didn't hear my shout of joy. I was looking round the greengrocery department and found they had new seasons Chestnuts in stock. They only had 4 bags left but not any more for I scooped them up and dumped them in our trolley as quick as lightning. When we got to the checkout, my dear wife  gave the cashier chapter and verse what a nutty husband she has. I cant disagree with her very well can I ??????????????.

Jules, I hope you are keeping well. I forgot to mention that you have now been a very valued member on this site for over a year now and just wanted to say thank you for the support you have given both to me and many many others during that time. Your well chosen words of comfort and understanding are I know appreciated by so many people on here. I only found this forum by chance, read a few post and have been hooked ever since and during my time have made the acquaintance of so many lovely caring people.  With regard to your husbands retirement Jules, I have just looked up engineering forums and found at least six of them. One of them give the chance to comment about recent developments ect, and just wondered if this might be of interest to your husband. I just typed in engineering forums. Just a thought anyway.

Hope, Like Jules I hope you are feeling better today and also the way you respond to so many others on here. I just love this forum and they way everyone uses their own experiance to help others.

Annebel, I hope you have a great trip and enjoy seeing the new addition to your family.

Ladies please take care and will talk again soon, Brian

Morning Brian

Thank you so much for your lovely words and do you know I  had not even realised how long I had been posting!!  Sometimes wonder where the time goes and I am very grateful to have had this forum to help me through the good and the bad times.  Its amazing that you never have to feel isolated and even though everyones journey is very personal we also know that being understood is a really big support so I too would like to thank all that read these threads as well as those that respond.

Thanks for mentioning the engineering forums and will pass this on (when the mood is right). Funnily enough my first thought was as he has such a great engineering brain he could think of approaching old contacts and offer himself as a consultant.  This was something he would have loved to have done when he was originally made redundant from a previous employer but then he was 'head-hunted' and the rest is, as they say, history.  On the other hand its really up to him as to how he feels and I will just have to follow his lead (conversation still sadly lacking and I dont think that I can teach the old dog new tricks as even his siblings are this way).  He has just told me that our son is visiting tomorrow (apparently he rang yesterday!!), shame I will miss seeing him as I am at work but great that hubby can catch up with his news and if I ask enough questions when I get home I can catch up too!!

As I type this I am imagining you sitting with a bowl of chestnuts for company and can now assume that supermarket shopping will be a happy necessity for a few weeks to come.  My hubby likes fresh chestnuts so will keep my eyes peeled. Enjoy.

Have a good day.  Jules xx

Afternoon Jules,  Sorry to hear your hubby is feeling sad, it must be very hard to adjust to being forced to retire.  As much as we all moan about work it does sort of give us a purpose and it must be difficult for him if he is unable to do all the things he'd like to.  Not to forget you of course, it is difficult for you to adjust to and watch too, so it's good to read that you still seem to remain upbeat.  Your grandson (and forthcoming grandchild) will no doubt make you both smile, as children always have the ability to lift spirits.

I am feeling a bit better today, that's just how it goes, OK one minute down the next - I never knew I had so many emotions!  Of course I expect menopause also has it's part to play on top of the grief.  Anyway I am off to the gym in a minute, I used to go virtually everyday but the past months have seen me going less - firstly because I didn't  have time with all that was going on and more recently because I haven't felt the same inspiration to go that I used to.  However, exercise has a fantastic way of making us feel better, I used to always say it was part of my everyday routine just like taking a bath and I didn't feel right if I didn't go, so now I'm determined to get back to it more regularly.  Hope you've had a good day off, enjoy your evening.  Hope x