Good Morning Brian

After quite an absence I am so pleased to see you are still here and keeping everyone amused. I hope you and your family are all doing well, it looks like you are? My family and I are having a lot of ups and downs. My poor dads prostate cancer is now terminal and we are in the last stages which is really difficult to deal with. My poor dad as determined as he is, is now struggling to do basic tasks and for such a fit and independant man this is hard. We had a lovely family holiday to skye last week as it is his favourite place and as we had a big cottage we had such a good time together (happy memories). I am broken hearted Brian watching my dad suffer and my mam for that matter. The worst part of it all is the feeling of been so useless that you cant take any of it away for him. I am so glad that you made a good recovery because the thoughts of other peoples dads going along this road is so upsetting. We are waiting for the hospital to do a brain scan as the only place left without cancer at the moment appears to be there, however with tumours showing on the skull they are not looking too hopeful. This information has been kept from dad as I dont think he really need to know this. You really would not believe how well my dad is coping Brian I am so proud of him.

I am as always sending my kind thoughts to you.

Connie xxxx    

Good morning Connie,

Thanks for updating us. There is another thread I replied to where another lady said she also feels so helpless. I know I did when my mother was slowly slipping away from breast cancer which spread to her brain. We see our loved ones slowly getting worse and there is nothing we can do to stop the cancers progress and this is so hard to deal with as I know all to well. 

I am so pleased you had a lovely family holiday and hope you made some happy memories that will help you in the future for they are something not even time can take away from you. Whenever I feel the loss of my mother, I have many happy memories that help me cope with the sadness that hits me. 

My mother was also a very fit and independent woman and even at the last she was more worried about me than she was for herself. Connie, we have every right to be proud of our parents for they have helped shape the person we have become and I feel convinced that your father is very proud of you and loves you very much, which in turn helps him cope so well.

Have they offered your father Abiraterone. It is for men with advanced prostate cancer and is is supposed to give men several more months. I know It is not suitable for every man but thought I would just mention it for some hospitals are reluctant due to it's high cost.

Please keep us updated when you can and anytime you want to talk I and other will do all we can to help.

Take care, I am sending best wishes to you, your father and your family, Brian.

Hi Brian

Dad is on Abariterone and predonisolone and has been now for 2 month but unfortunately I have just found out that his psa has gone up agian. He is on 2 weekly appointments and we will just have to wait and see what happens. He is also now requiring blood transfusions 2.5 weekly. We keep joking we are making a series of casualty! I know dad is on the best treatment he could have all considered and if it buys us a few months Brian then it is extra months together and we are grateful for whatever time we have.

Thank you again for your kind words and support and I will keep in touch.

Love and Hugs

Connie xx  

Hi Jules,

Just managing to catch up with various threads on here and managed to track you down to this new one! I'll need to be brief as I'm finding even the little things like typing messages, quite an energy drain!

Sorry to read that the situation with your mum's care is still, as yet, unresolved, although hopefully, when she has made her decision, the ball can get rolling. I hope your hubby feels a little better over the coming days too. Sounds as if he's been working hard!

Lovely to read that your grandson is settling into his new school life so well. Our school offers a similar phased entry over the first fortnight of the new school year, and the system really seems to help the children settle in before they realise that they're 'in the system' for the next 13+ years!!!

Hope your daughters appointment goes well today too and that you manage to get all the jobs done that  you've listed! You'll certainly deserve your night out tonight at Bingo. Good luck for a healthy win!

Jules, You are like a plate spinner, you manage work, hubby, mum, daughter, grandson, home etc etc as well as offering your wise words of support to others on this forum! Like so many others, a true superstar!

Enjoy the weekend and I hope the sun shines wherever you are.

Best wishes, Jo xx

Thanks Brian

Eat plenty of nuts and in a couple of days you may find your Brainitus is rewarded by being proud of another job well done(though I dont envy you have to lay a floor!!)

Spent the morning chatting to Mum and there is no doubt she is prepared to stay where she is as long as her own funds allow.  Seems to have some 'mojo' back and has told me to tell the social services to leave her alone as she is determined to stay where she is whilst she can afford it.  I have duly followed her instructions (I dare not disobey) and so have both telephoned and e-mailed the 'final decision' to decline their offer of sheltered housing and she has specifically asked them to stop badgering her about it!!  Well that told me and them and I am so proud of her.

Its been quite a week and I shall be glad to go to my bingo night having put this subject 'to bed' at the moment.

Now I can concentrate on lifting hubby's spirits.  He has now been officially 'retired early' (found out Tuesday but delayed telling me as he felt I had enough going on!!  - was quite cross with him but he has always put others first (its one of the things I love about him )).  Think we are facing another period of re-adjustment  but he is looking foward to our new grandchild's arrival and being able to help our daughter if the need arises hopefully will make him realise he is still  'there for us' as much as we are here for him.

Hope you have some time for R&R over the weekend.  Take care and virtual hugs for listening to this 'old girl' ramble through life's ups and downs.

Jules xx

Evening Hope

Pleased your enjoyed your outing with friends, just nice to be able to relax and choosing baby clothes is a lovely way to cheer yourself up a little.

I managed to get my hair done and then went to see Mum and had a lovely relaxed chat (she was definitely on the ball today!!).  She told me in no uncertain terms that she would not take up the offer made by Social Services now and would be happy to spend her last penny staying comfortably looked after where she is now.  She was not too happy that they had asked me to try and change her mind - b......... cheek, its my decision, my money and tell them the decision is final and not to bother me any more!!  As a good obedient daughter I have relayed the message (they were a bit put out!!) by telephone and confirmed by e-mail so I have a written record.  Personally I can understand her reasoning (but kept my opinions to myself to avoid being accused of being a bad influence on her decision) and will try not to worry about the future when her funds are gone.  I have to say when I put the phone down to the social worker I felt much more relaxed and hopefully for the time being this 'mini headache' has been put to bed.

Hubby a little brighter today and has to accept that he faces a life of leisure now.  Finally told me that he has been asked to take early retirement (did not want to worry me whilst I was dealing with Mum- I was a little cross but his kindness is one of his endearing qualities) and so another period of re-adjustment is upon us (we knew it would come one day but that does not make it any easier for him to acknowledge) during our cancer journey.  Thankfully when the new grandchild comes along my daughter will be only too pleased to have an extra pair of arms to hold the baby or do a jigsaw with our elder grandson.  We picked the little one up from school this afternoon and he was full of beans and had me playing hide and seek around the flat followed by several jigsaws.  We need to do a trip to the toy shop to get some with more pieces as the 65 pces were done very quickly!!

Well shortly off for our night out and then think daughter and grandson coming to keep us company tomorrow morning as son in law is working tomorrow a.m.  Weather permitting (its been great the last couple of days) I will be gardening at some point too.

Have a relaxing weekend and chat again soon. TAke care Jules xx

Hi Jo

Lovely to hear from you and do try and get some rest and get your strength back.  The forum is always here when you want to catch up (even if I do seem to be flitting here and there).  Hubby is now a man of leisure as has been given early retirement (a bit more re-adjusting to our lives necessary which he will find harder as he is not used to have so much time on his hands).  Commonsense has to prevail as the two hour round trip to his place of work was taking its toll and he can no longer do the physical work associated with his employment as an engineer.  Also not all to do with his illness, the company is not so busy and all bar one member of staff now on 3 day week!!.  They are still being very supportive (owner of company was originally my husband's apprentice many moons ago so is also a friend of the family) and we have so much to be thankful for especially during the past 18 months since his diagnosis.

Pleased to say left Mum in much better spirits after todays visit and am happy that she has made a decision which is right for her, both mentally and physically.

Had our nights out but sad to say no win at bingo (but lovely chat with my friend).  Sadly the evening ended with the devastating news that another friend of mine (she has been battling different cancers for over 20 years) has just had the news that despite intensive chemo over the past three months the results of the latest scan show the cancer has now spread into her brain.  We have been friends since we met when we were expecting our firstborns over 31 years ago and are the same age and she is an inspiration with her only comment being, I am not done yet,  need to get my head round this latest hiccup and will be in touch for a chat!!   All I could think of to say was that I am available for hugs whenever she needs me but just does not seem enough.

Hope you have a relaxing weekend and that the sun continues to shine where you are.  Am going to try and make the most of the decent weather to be outside.  Take care Jules xx

Hi Jules,

This old man as my grandson calls me is always pleased to listen to your ramblings and I do not think of you as an Old Girl. You always strike me as being someone who is young at heart. I do believe we are as old or as young as we feel. Your grandson obviously doesnt think of you as being old, as you play football and other games with him. My grandson only said it to wind me up; he know exactly which buttons to press to get me going.

I know this thing with the S.S and your mother has caused a lot of stress, but it shows your mother has a lot of determination and fight in her, a mother to be proud of for the way she has dealt with them.

Sorry to hear about your husbands forced retirement as I know from what you have written how much his work meant to him. You are right, it will be a big period of adjustment for you both. I know it was for me but it was something I needed to do for as you know, my wife has a lot of health problems and I feel better now I am at home to help her and to look after her.

Hope you have a relaxing weekend Jules and look after yourself for you have had a stressful few weeks in a row just lately.

Take care, best wishes as always, Brian (the nutty one)

Hi Jules,

I'm glad to hear you had a nice time with your Mum, she certainly sounds like a lady who knows her own mind (I have commented also on my thread).  I say good on her, more elderly people should be allowed to make their own decisions but unfortunately they often get muddled with all the red tape and people talking at them (and who can blame them), but your Mum sounds like she really is holding her own.

It must be difficult for hubby to accept early retirement if he has been forced, however what with a new grandchild coming very soon I'm sure he'll make good use of his extra time and hopefully that will take away some of the feelings he may have about it.  Adjustment is something all of us on here have to face one way and another isn't it?

The weather here this morning is looking promising so fingers crossed for your gardening.  I have a quiet weekend planned, eldest is off to a river boat trip on the Thames with med sch, so another night crashed on somebody's floor!  Speak soon.  Hope xx