Morning Jules,

Was just wondering how you got on when you visited your Mum this week, and also how your daughter got on at hospital?  I do hope things are not too stressful for you and that you can try and have a relaxing weekend.

I'm waiting for my eldest to come home, he has spent somewhat of Freshers sleeping on fellow pupils floors after social events - latest was a toga party last night!  I'm off to my counsellor this morning, had originally been thinking I wouldn't need to see her for too much longer but have been so emotional this week so will talk things over with her.

The weather is forecast to be nice this weekend but is looking a bit gloomy at present.  Here's hoping it brightens up and the sun shines on us all.  Take care  Hope x

Hi Hope

Hope you visit to the counsellor was helpful and its good for you to be able to talk things through and this should last as long as you need it.

I have just returned from visiting Mum and she was ok though I am sure a little concerned at how long she will be able to stay where she.  She has amazed the staff at how forthright she was when social worker 'interviewed' her and they are left in no doubt as to what she wants. All the care staff came to see me whilst I was visiting to make sure I was okay too - very sweet.  I stayed until she was due to go into lunch and we even managed a bit of a laugh when I showed her latest photos of her great grandson.  He has really enjoyed his first week in Reception and keeps telling his mum that his teacher is the most beautiful one in the school!!

Hubby and I picked him up from school on Friday as my daughter had to return to hospital for a second day of tests and monitoring.  Specialist blood tests with regard to her liver function have been sent off and unless she hears otherwise she returns to clinic next Friday.  The last set of bloods were borderline but all readings for the baby were good.  If the new blood tests show certain 'rises' she may have to be taken in and possibly induced (she is now 37 weeks and would probably welcome is being over and done with!!).  Anyway so far so good.  I have an overnight bag ready and waiting and she has several friends on standby to get her to the hospital if her hubby is at work.  Mind you she is still driving herself at present!!

When we met our grandson at school (its only 10mins to his home) he told Grandad that he could meet us there as it was healthier to walk!!!  My hubby's face was a picture as he drove off and I walked the little tyke home!!

Life's stresses seem to come and go but having the forum to offload certainly helped me to see things in perspective this week though I think my mood swings are more due to hormones than current circumstances.

Sounds like your eldest having a great time during Freshers but will no doubt be looking forward to some home cooking.  Have a great weekend with the family and will catch up again soon.  All the best and look after yourself. Jules xx

Good morning Jules,

Thanks for the reply. Am planning to have an easier day today. As soon as my head hit  the pillow last night, I was gone and didn't want to get up this morning. New washing machine being fitted today so last night we had to move the old one out. My wife did this without telling me and as it's very heavy I told her off for she already has a bad back. She said she did it because I was busy and she wanted to clean behind it. Luckily she is okay but I was concerned.

Hope your mother's visit to the proposed home goes okay and hope she does not let then bully her into accepting their proposal. How can they say it;s not about the money for if that is the case why don't they let her stay where she is? I do hope this situation is resolved for it is causing you and your family a lot of stress at a time you don't need it.

My son has just received an assessment form to fill in regarding the help and benefit's they get for my young grandson and he is convinced they will lose all of it. For the people who sit on these panels often have no medical knowledge and anyway my grandsons problems are rare anyway. One of the people who made an assessment regarding this a few years ago though a tracheotomy was fitted in the leg!!!!!!!!!!!! My son soon put him right but has had to fight all along to get the help they need and at one stage had to contact our local M.P. as the panel were lying to him about contacting a specialist doctor when they had made no effort at all.

Take care Jules and I hope you get some good news regarding your mothers situation, Brian.

P.S. Our wood club have asked to to update our membership directory which means typing out 110 names, addresses, phone numbers and e-mail addresses. That should keep me busy for five minutes at least!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi Hope

Busy day at work has kept me occupied and have now finished evening meal and trying to summon energy to clear up!!  So far no news re Mum but expect social services will fill me in when they are ready.  Will try and fit a visit in to Mum before the weekend(to hear her side of it all) if I can but what with work, hair appointment, school pickup, launderette visit, weekly shop to do by Friday may have to go Saturday.  There are definitely not enough hours in the day at present.

Glad to read that you have had a few easier days and your continued support to me and others on the forum seems to help you as well as us. I certainly find the same feelings about the forum, perhaps its just that we have heightened awareness of other people's feelings.  If anything good can come out of what I am going through, it makes life worthwhile.  At the moment I feel like I am sitting in a sauna even though we have all our doors and windows open (think hot flushes have come early this evening - perhaps they will give me a rest during the night as I am getting a little fed up prowling round the house in the early hours trying to cool down before trying to get more sleep).  Never knew I could exist of such little sleep (maybe more afternoon naps at the weekend will help me catch up, ha ha).

Hope you have had a peaceful day and wish you well for the rest of the week.  Best wishes Jules x

Evening Brian

Just trying to catch up with a few messages (whilst enjoying  an inbuilt sauna due to hot flushes)!!!  Would be happier if they came when the weather was cold.

Hope you have taken it a bit easier today and have been enjoying some down-time.

No news yet re Mum but no doubt will hear in due time (either when I visit her or when the powers that be update me~).  Have tried to take a backseat this week as so much going on and as Mum has taken the bull by the horns so to speak it is preferable that any decision is not influenced by our personal family situation  as what might be helpful to me is not actually the issue to be dealt with.  I am trying to separate hubby, mother, daughter requirements to all fit together somehow and think I have to accept that they are different issues with different solutions!!  When my brain can compartmentalise I may be on a winning streak to solving a few of my headaches. Until then have decided to deal with one thing at a time where possible.

Must just say it has been great to have you and my other forum buddies offering support and a listening ear as I am sure you all have enough of your own plates without reading  too  much of my spiel.

Hope all well with you and the family and I certainly don't envy your son the form filling (red tape and people who don't really listen/respond to real needs is becoming a bit too much of a feature these days).  Think my Dad would say I need a soapbox in Hyde Park to get things of my chest - somthing he would have loved to do!!!

Take care  chat again soon Jules xx 

Hi Jules, Well I guess no news is good news regarding your Mum as nothing to drastic could have come out of todays visit to the sheltered accommodation.  I read your comments to Brian about having to put things in compartments in your brain, I think it's always true that us women have so many things to content with that our brains should always be like a chest of drawers.  If only we could just deal with one thing at a time like men seem to do!  (sorry Brian if you're reading this, I'm sure you are the exception).

I sympathise with the hormone problems, I think I'm full of hormones as well as grief at the moment.  Thought I'd been doing well just of late then tonight hubby answered me quite abruptly over something and I've ended up in floods of tears again!  I hate the new me as I'm never usually so weak, I can't believe I'm a crumbling mess over something so silly.  Anyway I'm off out with a friend tomorrow for some therapy shopping, just hope my eyes aren't too puffy!

Hope all goes well with your Mum when you see her next.   Hope x

Hi Hope,

Have responded on your thread (to your post to Brian - oops).

Am sure you are right that no news is good news, one way or other its in Mum's hands and its a good thing that she has control. Guess I am just impatient for it all to be resolved so I can put a mental tick in al least one box.(its been rumbling on since early May).  Slightly better night's sleep (only got up once) and have another really busy day at the store today (so much stock to shift and never enough hands) but am looking forward to my dayoff tomorrow an being able to relax whilst I get my hair cut (good natter with the guys there too usually means I stay about an hour!!).  My daughter is back at the hospital for check up in the morning and I am politely informed by my grandson that he has told his teacher I will be collecting him (he has stayed for lunch this week and eaten everything and still wanted another lunch when he gets home!!).  On Monday he stays until the end of day and so 'real' school begins.  He has always been good at going to bed and apparently this week there has been a couple of nights where he was asking to go by 6.30and was asleep before 7, having to be woken over 12 hrs later as he always enjoys breakfast with his Mum (Dad already left for work by then).  Will be interesting to see how he is after a full day!!

As I said on your thread, enjoy your shopping trip today and hope you treat yourself to something nice.  Take care.Jules x

Hi Jules,

(Have replied on my thread too).

I can understand you being impatient for things to be resolved with your Mum, in fact it's not even impatient as it's been going on so long.  I'm sure you just want to have that "box" sorted in your mind, unfortuately everything seems to be a lot of red tape thesedays and we almost have to have the patience of a saint to hang on in there (something I'm not good at being an impatient person by nature). Going to the hairdressers is always theraputic (in fact may even arrange an appointment myself if retail therapy doesn't do the trick!).  Your grandson sounds like he has settled so well into his school routine, eating everything up is always a good sign and him asking for another dinner reminds me of my eldest - he ate continually (still does) and has always remained really slim!  I bet your daughter is happy he is sleeping even better than usual, gives her some time to relax herself which I am sure she needs just now.

Anyway don't work too hard today, and good luck with your Mum.   Hope x

Hi Jules,

just been trying to catch up with you and whats happening in life. I can understand you wanting things resolved with your mum, and i don't think it's impatience, it's because of the uncertainty that then causes stress and worry. So it's not surprising you want it over and done with. Also you get to the point when you've had enough of even having to deal with such people!!!!!!! I have had a few busy days recently and it's not going to stop for a week or two. Charlotte has asked me to go down next Monday for the week to help her and as business allows at the moment i will go down Monday and return Thursday, I have  doctors appointment Friday.

Your grandson sounds so delightful, I suspect all this going to school and a new baby brother is going to make him sound so grown up in the next few weeks. I hope your daughters check up goes well today .

Don't you go overdoing it at work, you sound like a real grafter. Enjoy a lovely day off tomorrow. I have my hair appointment today, working this evening and tomorrow, then get my bags packed for Monday.

Sometimes you just have to keep peddling!!!lLOL.

best

Annabel. xx

Hope,

I hope you have a lovely day of retail therapy with your friend today. You deserve it.

best

Annabel xx

Good afternoon Jules, Hope and Annabell,

I am having a great day today or a nutty day as my wife would say. I was able to replenish my bag of Kent Cobb nuts this morning and when I went to see if Waitrose had any of my frozen chestnuts, I found some packs had been reduced to half price. Well you ladies know how much I love my chestnuts so we came home with enough to keep me going until the ordinary ones come in sometime next month. I couldn't believe my wife didn't complain but I suppose as she now has her new washing machine in and fitted, she let me off just this once.  So may have to change my profile picture to that of a squirrel before long.

This afternoon my wife let me take her out for another ride in the country and we stopped at a farm shop and bought some new seasons cox's apples. I refuse to buy these tasteless golden delicious apples.

Have left a message for the lady who wanted to talk to me about publishing my books on-line. Will keep you posted if I have any luck.

Jules, I hope today has not been to tiring for you and that you soon hear that your mothers situation has been resolved. I liked what you said about doing one thing at a time. I can understand that. As a man I cant multi-task like you ladies can. My wife sometime has three or four things going on at a time and it just make me feel giddy watching her.

You also offer support and a listening ear to all of us so don't worry about telling us your problems for we can all help one another on here, to me it what it's all about. It's true what they say a problem shared is a problem halved and it's far better to talk to your friends on here than to bottle it up inside. We are just pleased to help.

Take care Jules, the weekend is coming and hope you will be able to find time to re-charge your batteries. Best wishes, Brian.

Thanks for your reply Hope.  Am thinking no news is good news re Mum!!  Still hoping to go and see her tomorrow all things being considered and perhaps find out what has  been happening!!

Having got in from work and sorted our lunch feel 'naughty' just sitting and answering my mail but it feels right to have a breather and hubby is having a bit of an emotional day of his own.  Think only having been to work one day this week (the factory is quiet again at present so he is not required) gives him too much thinking time.  He has been out and reordered his repeat prescription but it must be very hard for him to adjust to not  being in work mode as he always said he would never retire but that what it feels like now!!  I now feel guilty about coming home from my shift at the store and saying I feel tired!!! but we have always been honest so when he asked how I was I told him and I dont think his current situation left him feeling very sympathetic because at least I can go to work.  Every day is a new lesson on how to be tactful (suppose I need to think before I speak).  My suggestion that if he felt bored he could do the washing up met with a very muted response!!!

Well we hope to have our  normal Friday nights out tomorrow, me to bingo and him to the pub with his mate for a couple of hours - thats our normality.

Chat soon and take good care of yourself. Jules xx

Thanks for your reply Hope.  Am thinking no news is good news re Mum!!  Still hoping to go and see her tomorrow all things being considered and perhaps find out what has  been happening!!

Having got in from work and sorted our lunch feel 'naughty' just sitting and answering my mail but it feels right to have a breather and hubby is having a bit of an emotional day of his own.  Think only having been to work one day this week (the factory is quiet again at present so he is not required) gives him too much thinking time.  He has been out and reordered his repeat prescription but it must be very hard for him to adjust to not  being in work mode as he always said he would never retire but that what it feels like now!!  I now feel guilty about coming home from my shift at the store and saying I feel tired!!! but we have always been honest so when he asked how I was I told him and I dont think his current situation left him feeling very sympathetic because at least I can go to work.  Every day is a new lesson on how to be tactful (suppose I need to think before I speak).  My suggestion that if he felt bored he could do the washing up met with a very muted response!!!

Well we hope to have our  normal Friday nights out tomorrow, me to bingo and him to the pub with his mate for a couple of hours - thats our normality.

Chat soon and take good care of yourself. Jules xx

Hi Jules,

I hope your hubby is feeling a bit less emotional, must be very hard for him but also very hard for you and it's not always easy to think before we speak.  I did laugh about the washing up though!  I had a nice day out shopping, another friend from work also came and we spent the day looking for baby clothes for somebody who is leaving next week to have a baby.  Looking at baby girls clothes (she knows its a girl), such sweet pink clothes - I'm not used to that having had 2 boys!  Somehow makes you realise the circle of life, constant birth and constant death. Anyway feeling slightly better, still a bit fragile but think I actually feel almost traumatised by this year's events.  I hope it all goes well visiting your Mum tomorrow.  Let us know.  Hope x

Evening Hope

Pleased your enjoyed your outing with friends, just nice to be able to relax and choosing baby clothes is a lovely way to cheer yourself up a little.

I managed to get my hair done and then went to see Mum and had a lovely relaxed chat (she was definitely on the ball today!!).  She told me in no uncertain terms that she would not take up the offer made by Social Services now and would be happy to spend her last penny staying comfortably looked after where she is now.  She was not too happy that they had asked me to try and change her mind - b......... cheek, its my decision, my money and tell them the decision is final and not to bother me any more!!  As a good obedient daughter I have relayed the message (they were a bit put out!!) by telephone and confirmed by e-mail so I have a written record.  Personally I can understand her reasoning (but kept my opinions to myself to avoid being accused of being a bad influence on her decision) and will try not to worry about the future when her funds are gone.  I have to say when I put the phone down to the social worker I felt much more relaxed and hopefully for the time being this 'mini headache' has been put to bed.

Hubby a little brighter today and has to accept that he faces a life of leisure now.  Finally told me that he has been asked to take early retirement (did not want to worry me whilst I was dealing with Mum- I was a little cross but his kindness is one of his endearing qualities) and so another period of re-adjustment is upon us (we knew it would come one day but that does not make it any easier for him to acknowledge) during our cancer journey.  Thankfully when the new grandchild comes along my daughter will be only too pleased to have an extra pair of arms to hold the baby or do a jigsaw with our elder grandson.  We picked the little one up from school this afternoon and he was full of beans and had me playing hide and seek around the flat followed by several jigsaws.  We need to do a trip to the toy shop to get some with more pieces as the 65 pces were done very quickly!!

Well shortly off for our night out and then think daughter and grandson coming to keep us company tomorrow morning as son in law is working tomorrow a.m.  Weather permitting (its been great the last couple of days) I will be gardening at some point too.

Have a relaxing weekend and chat again soon. TAke care Jules xx

Hi Jules,

I'm glad to hear you had a nice time with your Mum, she certainly sounds like a lady who knows her own mind (I have commented also on my thread).  I say good on her, more elderly people should be allowed to make their own decisions but unfortunately they often get muddled with all the red tape and people talking at them (and who can blame them), but your Mum sounds like she really is holding her own.

It must be difficult for hubby to accept early retirement if he has been forced, however what with a new grandchild coming very soon I'm sure he'll make good use of his extra time and hopefully that will take away some of the feelings he may have about it.  Adjustment is something all of us on here have to face one way and another isn't it?

The weather here this morning is looking promising so fingers crossed for your gardening.  I have a quiet weekend planned, eldest is off to a river boat trip on the Thames with med sch, so another night crashed on somebody's floor!  Speak soon.  Hope xx

Hi Hope

Well the gardening went on hold as we had my daughter and grandson until about an hour a go when my son in law got home from work and they have gone off to buy presents for several of our grandson's friends birthdays.  Have managed to get all the washing dry (and am thinking about the ironing but no too much).  With a little bit of luck the weather will hold tomorrow and I am planning to clean the bird feeding station and then shop for new feeders/food in readiness for the return of the wild birds in the colder months.  Already the robins/blackbirds are making the odd appearance now that the mornings are cooler.

Hope you managing to have a stress free day  (is there such a thing these days) and am sure your elder son is enjoying the social side of uni (my son did and 7 years on still keeps in touch with his former  house mates even though they come from different parts of the country).  They still manage to meet up from time to time (the last time was a couple of months ago when one of the lads was passing through the area on his 'narrowboat' home and they all went to see him, bicycling along the towpath to keep up and then stopping for lunch.  Its a whole new world to explore for them and I really used to enjoy hearing all about it when he was home during the holidays.  How is your younger son enjoying being back at school?  I expect he is being kept busy too.

Look forward to chatting again soon. Take care  Jules xx

Hi Jules,

Well it sounds like you have a great day with your grandson, I notice from your post to Brian that your grandson has a scooter - I remember them so well with my boys, I used to love to have a go myself!  Fingers crossed for good weather tomorrow so you can get into the garden then.  I'm off to watch youngest play football in his new team tomorrow - it's all a bit serious now at his age (under 17s).  You asked me how he was doing back at school, well he is now in a new school for 6th form (his secondary didn't have 6th form), it is one of the top schools around here and he is enjoying it and busy studying 4 A levels.

Well wishing you a good night's sleep and speak soon.  Hope x

Morning Hope

Feels a lot later as some disturbance down our road at 3.15 a.m. meant another interrupted night but at least it was not my fault.  Still the bonus of early mornings is housework now all finished and we are having leisurely breakfast (funny hubby appeared just as I finished all the ironing!!).  Our grandson gives us lots of pleasure (and our daughter and son in law like that he can play outside) and he happily plays in the garden. They live in a first floor flat and though they have access to a garden its not the same as being able to open the door and not have to physically be out there at all times.  He knows his Mum does not like worms so what was the first thing he bought in! We normally see them at least once a week but with the new addition due soon they have popped in a little more (bless them they always text to see if its okay even though we have always had open house policy - it we are in always pleased to see visitors). When our children went through school (I then worked at home proofreading) our stairs resounded with the noise of after school gang, especially with our daughter and even now when we see them out and about with their own families in tow they remember the days of squash and biscuits - simple pleasures).  Our son was more of a 'go to other friends' places and had outside hobbies and as I  have never driven and hubby worked away quite a lot of the time they both got used to walking and public transport from a very early age and even though they both now drive they still walk whenever its possible (as they say not only is it better for them its cheaper too!!)

Hope the football game goes well. The weather here is windy but bright so when the temperature gets up a bit I think I will get outside (unless I am catching up with a doze on the sofa!!)  You have too very bright lads that must make  you and your husband so proud. Enjoy the rest of your weekend and will catch up again soon. Take care.  Jules x

Hi Jules,

I have been catching up with the news in your family, especially about your Mum. She sounds quite a character.

Your daughter will be getting to the stage when she will be glad to have the baby and get her body back. I remember that stage of pregnancy, I felt like a beached whale. !!!!!!

I am so glad to  the grandson is enjoying school and keeping you young!!! I look forward to all of that with little Ava.

Off to London tomorrow for a few days. Unfortuneately I have to return Thursday for a doctors appointment on Friday.

It will be lovely to see my daughter and son in law as well.

Hope you've had a good weekend

best

Annabel. xx

Hi Jules,

I guess you are probably feeling tired now what with your early start - I'm envious that you got all your housework done, mine is still waiting!  I've been to football which took up a lot of the day, then over to the house for more clearing.  There is so much to do it feels like it's going on forever, still I think we are slowly getting there.  It's always a bit upsetting going through things, but I'm trying to focus on the good memories now.

Like you I always like a noisy house, and used to love my sons friends coming over to play when they were little.  Nowadays with the addition of X Box everyone seems to stay in their own houses and play on-line!  Well it will soon be October so not long until your new bundle arrives, bet you can't wait!  Have a good week and hope all continues OK with your Mum.  Hope  xx

Morning Hope

.

Well made it through to about late afternoon before I had a power nap!!  Had a pretty quiet day which has helped though I did manage to do a bit in the garden and also took myself for a leisurely afternoon walk (not one who can sit around all day and it was a beautiful day).  Hubby spent much of the day dozing (probably due to be able to relax as we had no visitors) or watching me do the housework (something I am having to get used to!! ).

Certainly clearing the house is not easy task physically let alone mentally.  Helped with my mother in laws many years ago and that was difficult.  When my Mum  moved into care we cleared the flat but I still have around six large boxes of her bits and pieces sitting in our spare room as it does not feel right to do anything with them whilst she is still with us even though she does not want  it. (Also if she does have to move again in the future she would have to completely re-furnish as the sheltered housing situation would be unfurnished - though trying not to dwell on that though now!!).

Bet your son was happy to have your support as he started with the new football team and its not something I relate too as my son preferred cricket and never really became interested in footie so I have never stood and watched a whole match!!!  No one in our family ever really been into football so maybe that explains it. I love to watch other sports on the tv and hubby used to race cars (pre children) so would spend a lot of our 'date' at race meets (750 club class) - those were the days.  Still love to watch cricket which I used to go to with my Dad from a very early age and also tennis.  Was never sporty myself other than having to join in at school but have always done a lot of walking.  Both my parents loved to walk (and did not drive) and we spent many an hour at weekends walking on the Heath.

Well I am thinking I had best clear up my breakfast washing up as otherwise it will be waiting for me when I get in from work .  Have a good week. Chat soon. Jules xx

Afternoon Jules,  Hope you've had a good day.  I've been feeling a bit down today for no apparent reason (well other than the obvious); just part of the journey I'm on I guess.  Still the sun is shining now and I've finished work so not all bad!

Can relate to watching cricket, youngest also played cricket for several years, so just when the football season finished I'd be out again all Summer watching cricket!  Can't say I ever really understood it, but had some pleasant days drinking and chatting on the pavillion!  He gave it up a few years back now so at least I have the weekends to myself during the Summer now.

Off to make dinner now and take some relaxing time for myself tonight as hubby working late. Have a good evening.  Hope x