Morning Jules,

Was just wondering how you got on when you visited your Mum this week, and also how your daughter got on at hospital?  I do hope things are not too stressful for you and that you can try and have a relaxing weekend.

I'm waiting for my eldest to come home, he has spent somewhat of Freshers sleeping on fellow pupils floors after social events - latest was a toga party last night!  I'm off to my counsellor this morning, had originally been thinking I wouldn't need to see her for too much longer but have been so emotional this week so will talk things over with her.

The weather is forecast to be nice this weekend but is looking a bit gloomy at present.  Here's hoping it brightens up and the sun shines on us all.  Take care  Hope x

Hi Hope

Hope you visit to the counsellor was helpful and its good for you to be able to talk things through and this should last as long as you need it.

I have just returned from visiting Mum and she was ok though I am sure a little concerned at how long she will be able to stay where she.  She has amazed the staff at how forthright she was when social worker 'interviewed' her and they are left in no doubt as to what she wants. All the care staff came to see me whilst I was visiting to make sure I was okay too - very sweet.  I stayed until she was due to go into lunch and we even managed a bit of a laugh when I showed her latest photos of her great grandson.  He has really enjoyed his first week in Reception and keeps telling his mum that his teacher is the most beautiful one in the school!!

Hubby and I picked him up from school on Friday as my daughter had to return to hospital for a second day of tests and monitoring.  Specialist blood tests with regard to her liver function have been sent off and unless she hears otherwise she returns to clinic next Friday.  The last set of bloods were borderline but all readings for the baby were good.  If the new blood tests show certain 'rises' she may have to be taken in and possibly induced (she is now 37 weeks and would probably welcome is being over and done with!!).  Anyway so far so good.  I have an overnight bag ready and waiting and she has several friends on standby to get her to the hospital if her hubby is at work.  Mind you she is still driving herself at present!!

When we met our grandson at school (its only 10mins to his home) he told Grandad that he could meet us there as it was healthier to walk!!!  My hubby's face was a picture as he drove off and I walked the little tyke home!!

Life's stresses seem to come and go but having the forum to offload certainly helped me to see things in perspective this week though I think my mood swings are more due to hormones than current circumstances.

Sounds like your eldest having a great time during Freshers but will no doubt be looking forward to some home cooking.  Have a great weekend with the family and will catch up again soon.  All the best and look after yourself. Jules xx

Hi Jules, 

Well sounds like your Mum is a pretty headstrong person so I'm sure she'll make her decision about whether she wants to stay put or take the sheltered accommodation option.  I'm sure you would sooner everything be sorted but life is never that simple is it?  Glad you got some theraputic time in the garden and sounds like the fresh air knocked you out!

Being an only child I, just like you, would never have chosen to have just one child myself, and luckily was blessed with two.  I have always had loads of good friends but at times like this I do wish I had a sibling to share the exact same grief with.

Let us know how your Mum gets on tomorrow.  Hope x

Hi Brian,

Just thought I'd check in with you on Jules' site, sounds like you've been really busy doing all the odd jobs.  They never end up being straightforward though do they?  I always dread it when hubby takes on a task, he is good but I always know they'll be more involved than meets the eye.  Glad you're still finding time to support everybody on here too.  I've sort of become addicted to this site now as it helps me so much.  This week I've been feeling a little better but I know it could (and probably will) go backwards again as I continue this journey of grief.  Thank goodness for virtual friends.  Take care.  Hope x

Morning Brian

Sounds like you had fun and games sorting out the water b.../conservatory issues!!  All those woodworking skill  coming in handy too.  So we are all getting the garden ready for its winter sleep but it was lovely to be able to escape into the sunshine yesterday- helps clear the head and switch off for a while.

Mum's visit to the sheltered housing is late this afternoon and I think she feels she has little choice but to probably accept as the council do not believe in full residential care and will not consider funding where she is (but apparently its not about the money!!). Anyway in one way its a good thing she is able to make the decision for herself (selfish I know but at least I wont get the blame).  The major downside I can see is that she will sit in a flat by herself unless the carers are due in. From a personal viewpoint I will be unable to just pop down the road to visit and that could well result in me being unable to go so regularly.  Its very stressful but I have to remember that my first reserves have to be for my hubby and our life as it is at present. There are so many who are in a much worse situation and as my dear old Dad would have said, worrying does not solve anything (just wish my head had an off switch) so dont waste the energy!!

Going to work today so will be kept busy. Hubby having an at home day and I know my Mum's situation is not helping his emotional thoughts either as he does his best to offer support to me whilst knowing how my Mum feels about life in general is not at all easy for him.    As they say tomorrow is another day and quite honestly I just need things to be resolved so that we can return to coping with day to day life.

Take care Brian and look after yourself and Mrs B.  Chat again soon. Jules xx

Good morning Jules,

Thanks for the reply. Am planning to have an easier day today. As soon as my head hit  the pillow last night, I was gone and didn't want to get up this morning. New washing machine being fitted today so last night we had to move the old one out. My wife did this without telling me and as it's very heavy I told her off for she already has a bad back. She said she did it because I was busy and she wanted to clean behind it. Luckily she is okay but I was concerned.

Hope your mother's visit to the proposed home goes okay and hope she does not let then bully her into accepting their proposal. How can they say it;s not about the money for if that is the case why don't they let her stay where she is? I do hope this situation is resolved for it is causing you and your family a lot of stress at a time you don't need it.

My son has just received an assessment form to fill in regarding the help and benefit's they get for my young grandson and he is convinced they will lose all of it. For the people who sit on these panels often have no medical knowledge and anyway my grandsons problems are rare anyway. One of the people who made an assessment regarding this a few years ago though a tracheotomy was fitted in the leg!!!!!!!!!!!! My son soon put him right but has had to fight all along to get the help they need and at one stage had to contact our local M.P. as the panel were lying to him about contacting a specialist doctor when they had made no effort at all.

Take care Jules and I hope you get some good news regarding your mothers situation, Brian.

P.S. Our wood club have asked to to update our membership directory which means typing out 110 names, addresses, phone numbers and e-mail addresses. That should keep me busy for five minutes at least!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi Hope

Busy day at work has kept me occupied and have now finished evening meal and trying to summon energy to clear up!!  So far no news re Mum but expect social services will fill me in when they are ready.  Will try and fit a visit in to Mum before the weekend(to hear her side of it all) if I can but what with work, hair appointment, school pickup, launderette visit, weekly shop to do by Friday may have to go Saturday.  There are definitely not enough hours in the day at present.

Glad to read that you have had a few easier days and your continued support to me and others on the forum seems to help you as well as us. I certainly find the same feelings about the forum, perhaps its just that we have heightened awareness of other people's feelings.  If anything good can come out of what I am going through, it makes life worthwhile.  At the moment I feel like I am sitting in a sauna even though we have all our doors and windows open (think hot flushes have come early this evening - perhaps they will give me a rest during the night as I am getting a little fed up prowling round the house in the early hours trying to cool down before trying to get more sleep).  Never knew I could exist of such little sleep (maybe more afternoon naps at the weekend will help me catch up, ha ha).

Hope you have had a peaceful day and wish you well for the rest of the week.  Best wishes Jules x

Evening Brian

Just trying to catch up with a few messages (whilst enjoying  an inbuilt sauna due to hot flushes)!!!  Would be happier if they came when the weather was cold.

Hope you have taken it a bit easier today and have been enjoying some down-time.

No news yet re Mum but no doubt will hear in due time (either when I visit her or when the powers that be update me~).  Have tried to take a backseat this week as so much going on and as Mum has taken the bull by the horns so to speak it is preferable that any decision is not influenced by our personal family situation  as what might be helpful to me is not actually the issue to be dealt with.  I am trying to separate hubby, mother, daughter requirements to all fit together somehow and think I have to accept that they are different issues with different solutions!!  When my brain can compartmentalise I may be on a winning streak to solving a few of my headaches. Until then have decided to deal with one thing at a time where possible.

Must just say it has been great to have you and my other forum buddies offering support and a listening ear as I am sure you all have enough of your own plates without reading  too  much of my spiel.

Hope all well with you and the family and I certainly don't envy your son the form filling (red tape and people who don't really listen/respond to real needs is becoming a bit too much of a feature these days).  Think my Dad would say I need a soapbox in Hyde Park to get things of my chest - somthing he would have loved to do!!!

Take care  chat again soon Jules xx 

Hi Jules, Well I guess no news is good news regarding your Mum as nothing to drastic could have come out of todays visit to the sheltered accommodation.  I read your comments to Brian about having to put things in compartments in your brain, I think it's always true that us women have so many things to content with that our brains should always be like a chest of drawers.  If only we could just deal with one thing at a time like men seem to do!  (sorry Brian if you're reading this, I'm sure you are the exception).

I sympathise with the hormone problems, I think I'm full of hormones as well as grief at the moment.  Thought I'd been doing well just of late then tonight hubby answered me quite abruptly over something and I've ended up in floods of tears again!  I hate the new me as I'm never usually so weak, I can't believe I'm a crumbling mess over something so silly.  Anyway I'm off out with a friend tomorrow for some therapy shopping, just hope my eyes aren't too puffy!

Hope all goes well with your Mum when you see her next.   Hope x

Hi Hope,

Have responded on your thread (to your post to Brian - oops).

Am sure you are right that no news is good news, one way or other its in Mum's hands and its a good thing that she has control. Guess I am just impatient for it all to be resolved so I can put a mental tick in al least one box.(its been rumbling on since early May).  Slightly better night's sleep (only got up once) and have another really busy day at the store today (so much stock to shift and never enough hands) but am looking forward to my dayoff tomorrow an being able to relax whilst I get my hair cut (good natter with the guys there too usually means I stay about an hour!!).  My daughter is back at the hospital for check up in the morning and I am politely informed by my grandson that he has told his teacher I will be collecting him (he has stayed for lunch this week and eaten everything and still wanted another lunch when he gets home!!).  On Monday he stays until the end of day and so 'real' school begins.  He has always been good at going to bed and apparently this week there has been a couple of nights where he was asking to go by 6.30and was asleep before 7, having to be woken over 12 hrs later as he always enjoys breakfast with his Mum (Dad already left for work by then).  Will be interesting to see how he is after a full day!!

As I said on your thread, enjoy your shopping trip today and hope you treat yourself to something nice.  Take care.Jules x

Hi Jules,

(Have replied on my thread too).

I can understand you being impatient for things to be resolved with your Mum, in fact it's not even impatient as it's been going on so long.  I'm sure you just want to have that "box" sorted in your mind, unfortuately everything seems to be a lot of red tape thesedays and we almost have to have the patience of a saint to hang on in there (something I'm not good at being an impatient person by nature). Going to the hairdressers is always theraputic (in fact may even arrange an appointment myself if retail therapy doesn't do the trick!).  Your grandson sounds like he has settled so well into his school routine, eating everything up is always a good sign and him asking for another dinner reminds me of my eldest - he ate continually (still does) and has always remained really slim!  I bet your daughter is happy he is sleeping even better than usual, gives her some time to relax herself which I am sure she needs just now.

Anyway don't work too hard today, and good luck with your Mum.   Hope x

Hi Jules,

just been trying to catch up with you and whats happening in life. I can understand you wanting things resolved with your mum, and i don't think it's impatience, it's because of the uncertainty that then causes stress and worry. So it's not surprising you want it over and done with. Also you get to the point when you've had enough of even having to deal with such people!!!!!!! I have had a few busy days recently and it's not going to stop for a week or two. Charlotte has asked me to go down next Monday for the week to help her and as business allows at the moment i will go down Monday and return Thursday, I have  doctors appointment Friday.

Your grandson sounds so delightful, I suspect all this going to school and a new baby brother is going to make him sound so grown up in the next few weeks. I hope your daughters check up goes well today .

Don't you go overdoing it at work, you sound like a real grafter. Enjoy a lovely day off tomorrow. I have my hair appointment today, working this evening and tomorrow, then get my bags packed for Monday.

Sometimes you just have to keep peddling!!!lLOL.

best

Annabel. xx

Hope,

I hope you have a lovely day of retail therapy with your friend today. You deserve it.

best

Annabel xx

Hope,

I hope you have a lovely day of retail therapy with your friend today. You deserve it.

best

Annabel xx