Thanks for your kind words Hope.  No news from today's appointment so can only assume that Mum stood her ground and is okay as  the Home manager is great at letting me know if things not so good!!! I see from another thread that you are an only child - me too. Often envied others who had siblings through my school years but as both my parents went out to work, I had lots of other children to play with at the childminders.  It made me hope that I could have more than one child myself (and luckily have two very supportive adult children).

Yes, got into the garden (first sign of the sun here for a good few days), have mowed the lawn to within an inch of its life in the hope that wont need to do it again any time soon, haha.Also cleared up quite a bit in the back garden and pruned back most of the roses, though some are still flowering quite steadily.  Hubby got in from work to find me sparko on the sofa - oops!!!  Still must need the sleep - thats my story and I am sticking to it.

Take care and will chat again soon.  Jules x

P.S.  16.45  - just been notified by Mums social worker (via e-mail) that she and her team manager have visited Mum this afternoon and she is now to visit the sheltered housing accommodation tomorrow to give it due consideration.Jules x

Hi Jules,

Sorry i have not replied before. I have had two very busy days. Yesterday I fitted a water butt my son had given us, but had to alter the gutter on our conservatory.What should have been a east job turned out to be a real pain. Then a committee meeting for our wood club last night. Then today after shopping I made my wife a 2 foot high bench for her to put her plants on and which I can put my strawberry plants underneath. Then had to take her for check up at doctors this afternoon. Also have plans for the next few days including mowing the lawns.

Sorry to hear the S.S. brigade have been causing you more problems. Will catch up more tomorow.

Take care, best wishes, Brian

Hi Jules, 

Well sounds like your Mum is a pretty headstrong person so I'm sure she'll make her decision about whether she wants to stay put or take the sheltered accommodation option.  I'm sure you would sooner everything be sorted but life is never that simple is it?  Glad you got some theraputic time in the garden and sounds like the fresh air knocked you out!

Being an only child I, just like you, would never have chosen to have just one child myself, and luckily was blessed with two.  I have always had loads of good friends but at times like this I do wish I had a sibling to share the exact same grief with.

Let us know how your Mum gets on tomorrow.  Hope x

Hi Brian,

Just thought I'd check in with you on Jules' site, sounds like you've been really busy doing all the odd jobs.  They never end up being straightforward though do they?  I always dread it when hubby takes on a task, he is good but I always know they'll be more involved than meets the eye.  Glad you're still finding time to support everybody on here too.  I've sort of become addicted to this site now as it helps me so much.  This week I've been feeling a little better but I know it could (and probably will) go backwards again as I continue this journey of grief.  Thank goodness for virtual friends.  Take care.  Hope x

Sorry Jules,

With 7 male guests/friends arriving today didn't get a chance to come on line and chat. Tomorrow I am out all day and out for dinner in the evening. Thursday will probably be my best time to really catch up with you. I am glad to see your daughters last bloods were okay. I have been summoned to meet my grandaughter next Monday. I will be coming back on the Thursday as I have an appointment with my GP on the Friday, but a few days away will be like a little holiday.

Speak soon, on Thursday Annabel. xx

Hi Annabel

No apologies needed.  Keeping busy helps the time pass so it wont be long before you see your new granddaughter, Ava. Bet you cant wait for that first cuddle. Chat again soon. Jules x

Morning Brian

Sounds like you had fun and games sorting out the water b.../conservatory issues!!  All those woodworking skill  coming in handy too.  So we are all getting the garden ready for its winter sleep but it was lovely to be able to escape into the sunshine yesterday- helps clear the head and switch off for a while.

Mum's visit to the sheltered housing is late this afternoon and I think she feels she has little choice but to probably accept as the council do not believe in full residential care and will not consider funding where she is (but apparently its not about the money!!). Anyway in one way its a good thing she is able to make the decision for herself (selfish I know but at least I wont get the blame).  The major downside I can see is that she will sit in a flat by herself unless the carers are due in. From a personal viewpoint I will be unable to just pop down the road to visit and that could well result in me being unable to go so regularly.  Its very stressful but I have to remember that my first reserves have to be for my hubby and our life as it is at present. There are so many who are in a much worse situation and as my dear old Dad would have said, worrying does not solve anything (just wish my head had an off switch) so dont waste the energy!!

Going to work today so will be kept busy. Hubby having an at home day and I know my Mum's situation is not helping his emotional thoughts either as he does his best to offer support to me whilst knowing how my Mum feels about life in general is not at all easy for him.    As they say tomorrow is another day and quite honestly I just need things to be resolved so that we can return to coping with day to day life.

Take care Brian and look after yourself and Mrs B.  Chat again soon. Jules xx

Good morning Jules,

Thanks for the reply. Am planning to have an easier day today. As soon as my head hit  the pillow last night, I was gone and didn't want to get up this morning. New washing machine being fitted today so last night we had to move the old one out. My wife did this without telling me and as it's very heavy I told her off for she already has a bad back. She said she did it because I was busy and she wanted to clean behind it. Luckily she is okay but I was concerned.

Hope your mother's visit to the proposed home goes okay and hope she does not let then bully her into accepting their proposal. How can they say it;s not about the money for if that is the case why don't they let her stay where she is? I do hope this situation is resolved for it is causing you and your family a lot of stress at a time you don't need it.

My son has just received an assessment form to fill in regarding the help and benefit's they get for my young grandson and he is convinced they will lose all of it. For the people who sit on these panels often have no medical knowledge and anyway my grandsons problems are rare anyway. One of the people who made an assessment regarding this a few years ago though a tracheotomy was fitted in the leg!!!!!!!!!!!! My son soon put him right but has had to fight all along to get the help they need and at one stage had to contact our local M.P. as the panel were lying to him about contacting a specialist doctor when they had made no effort at all.

Take care Jules and I hope you get some good news regarding your mothers situation, Brian.

P.S. Our wood club have asked to to update our membership directory which means typing out 110 names, addresses, phone numbers and e-mail addresses. That should keep me busy for five minutes at least!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi Hope

Busy day at work has kept me occupied and have now finished evening meal and trying to summon energy to clear up!!  So far no news re Mum but expect social services will fill me in when they are ready.  Will try and fit a visit in to Mum before the weekend(to hear her side of it all) if I can but what with work, hair appointment, school pickup, launderette visit, weekly shop to do by Friday may have to go Saturday.  There are definitely not enough hours in the day at present.

Glad to read that you have had a few easier days and your continued support to me and others on the forum seems to help you as well as us. I certainly find the same feelings about the forum, perhaps its just that we have heightened awareness of other people's feelings.  If anything good can come out of what I am going through, it makes life worthwhile.  At the moment I feel like I am sitting in a sauna even though we have all our doors and windows open (think hot flushes have come early this evening - perhaps they will give me a rest during the night as I am getting a little fed up prowling round the house in the early hours trying to cool down before trying to get more sleep).  Never knew I could exist of such little sleep (maybe more afternoon naps at the weekend will help me catch up, ha ha).

Hope you have had a peaceful day and wish you well for the rest of the week.  Best wishes Jules x

Evening Brian

Just trying to catch up with a few messages (whilst enjoying  an inbuilt sauna due to hot flushes)!!!  Would be happier if they came when the weather was cold.

Hope you have taken it a bit easier today and have been enjoying some down-time.

No news yet re Mum but no doubt will hear in due time (either when I visit her or when the powers that be update me~).  Have tried to take a backseat this week as so much going on and as Mum has taken the bull by the horns so to speak it is preferable that any decision is not influenced by our personal family situation  as what might be helpful to me is not actually the issue to be dealt with.  I am trying to separate hubby, mother, daughter requirements to all fit together somehow and think I have to accept that they are different issues with different solutions!!  When my brain can compartmentalise I may be on a winning streak to solving a few of my headaches. Until then have decided to deal with one thing at a time where possible.

Must just say it has been great to have you and my other forum buddies offering support and a listening ear as I am sure you all have enough of your own plates without reading  too  much of my spiel.

Hope all well with you and the family and I certainly don't envy your son the form filling (red tape and people who don't really listen/respond to real needs is becoming a bit too much of a feature these days).  Think my Dad would say I need a soapbox in Hyde Park to get things of my chest - somthing he would have loved to do!!!

Take care  chat again soon Jules xx