Morning Jules,

Was just wondering how you got on when you visited your Mum this week, and also how your daughter got on at hospital?  I do hope things are not too stressful for you and that you can try and have a relaxing weekend.

I'm waiting for my eldest to come home, he has spent somewhat of Freshers sleeping on fellow pupils floors after social events - latest was a toga party last night!  I'm off to my counsellor this morning, had originally been thinking I wouldn't need to see her for too much longer but have been so emotional this week so will talk things over with her.

The weather is forecast to be nice this weekend but is looking a bit gloomy at present.  Here's hoping it brightens up and the sun shines on us all.  Take care  Hope x

Hi Hope

Hope you visit to the counsellor was helpful and its good for you to be able to talk things through and this should last as long as you need it.

I have just returned from visiting Mum and she was ok though I am sure a little concerned at how long she will be able to stay where she.  She has amazed the staff at how forthright she was when social worker 'interviewed' her and they are left in no doubt as to what she wants. All the care staff came to see me whilst I was visiting to make sure I was okay too - very sweet.  I stayed until she was due to go into lunch and we even managed a bit of a laugh when I showed her latest photos of her great grandson.  He has really enjoyed his first week in Reception and keeps telling his mum that his teacher is the most beautiful one in the school!!

Hubby and I picked him up from school on Friday as my daughter had to return to hospital for a second day of tests and monitoring.  Specialist blood tests with regard to her liver function have been sent off and unless she hears otherwise she returns to clinic next Friday.  The last set of bloods were borderline but all readings for the baby were good.  If the new blood tests show certain 'rises' she may have to be taken in and possibly induced (she is now 37 weeks and would probably welcome is being over and done with!!).  Anyway so far so good.  I have an overnight bag ready and waiting and she has several friends on standby to get her to the hospital if her hubby is at work.  Mind you she is still driving herself at present!!

When we met our grandson at school (its only 10mins to his home) he told Grandad that he could meet us there as it was healthier to walk!!!  My hubby's face was a picture as he drove off and I walked the little tyke home!!

Life's stresses seem to come and go but having the forum to offload certainly helped me to see things in perspective this week though I think my mood swings are more due to hormones than current circumstances.

Sounds like your eldest having a great time during Freshers but will no doubt be looking forward to some home cooking.  Have a great weekend with the family and will catch up again soon.  All the best and look after yourself. Jules xx

Hi Hope,

Annabel here, I hope to catch up with you tomoroow as well. You have been very busy helping so many others on here. You are a star.

best wishes

Annabel. xx

Hi Annabel, Thanks for your comments, I'm not so sure I'm really a star, I just find this site so helpful and want to help others if I can as I know how much the pain hurts.  I've seen that you are recently a grandmother, congratulations and I love the names for your new grandaughter.  Would be lovely to hear from you, my original site "Mum reunited with Dad 5 months later" is still going somewhere so maybe catch up then.  Hope x

Hi again Jules, Hope all is good with you, I sent you a post yesterday.  Catch up soon.   Hope x

Morning Hope

Thanks for your messages which I have now had time to read properly. Monday pretty hectic as I work alone on this day and we were very busy for some reason - think the Christmas shopping has started as people try and spread the cost.  Whatever the reason I was pretty tired when I got home and then picked up a message from social services to say they are calling on Mum again today (this time 2 of them - one a manager) and that they have made an appointment so that the Home Manager can be included whilst they explain the consequences of Mum's decision to turn down their sheltered housing offer!  I just wish it could be sorted one way or another as its taking its toll.

Very exciting times for your son and the family as he begins the long road towards qualifying as a doctor and they dont waste any time getting them 'out there' with work experience.  Must be lovely for you to have him coming home and sharing his day.

We are lucky that our daughter and family only live 20mins walk away and thus we are able to see all of them quite frequently.  Time together has increased since my hubby's diagnosis  as he is home more and available whereas when he was in full time work he travelled the world and could be away for several weeks at a time.  Now they pop in for an hour or so and, of course, as the new arrival time is getting closer our daughter prefers to have some company rather than being on her own.

Really good to read that you are finding the counselling a good support mechanism and I agree that the forum is a great help too. Not sure where I would be without everyones imput and kind words.

Changing topic completely now. Have just been amazed this morning by the number of beautiful spider webs all round the garden.  Even hubby has taken an interest whilst he having his breakfast.  Hopefully if I can find the time later today I will be able to mow the garden (bit misty at present).

Take care and chat again soon.  Jules xx

Hi Jules,  Hope you managed to get out into the garden, it's been sunny here today.  I'm sure the worry of your Mum is taking it's toll on you, the system seems ridiculous to me, however it sounds like your Mum will stand up for herself, they must know this having sent 2 people and 1 being a manager!  I do hope that something more definite gets sorted for you as it must be hard not to worry.  Take care.  Hope x

Thanks for your kind words Hope.  No news from today's appointment so can only assume that Mum stood her ground and is okay as  the Home manager is great at letting me know if things not so good!!! I see from another thread that you are an only child - me too. Often envied others who had siblings through my school years but as both my parents went out to work, I had lots of other children to play with at the childminders.  It made me hope that I could have more than one child myself (and luckily have two very supportive adult children).

Yes, got into the garden (first sign of the sun here for a good few days), have mowed the lawn to within an inch of its life in the hope that wont need to do it again any time soon, haha.Also cleared up quite a bit in the back garden and pruned back most of the roses, though some are still flowering quite steadily.  Hubby got in from work to find me sparko on the sofa - oops!!!  Still must need the sleep - thats my story and I am sticking to it.

Take care and will chat again soon.  Jules x

P.S.  16.45  - just been notified by Mums social worker (via e-mail) that she and her team manager have visited Mum this afternoon and she is now to visit the sheltered housing accommodation tomorrow to give it due consideration.Jules x

Hi Jules,

Sorry i have not replied before. I have had two very busy days. Yesterday I fitted a water butt my son had given us, but had to alter the gutter on our conservatory.What should have been a east job turned out to be a real pain. Then a committee meeting for our wood club last night. Then today after shopping I made my wife a 2 foot high bench for her to put her plants on and which I can put my strawberry plants underneath. Then had to take her for check up at doctors this afternoon. Also have plans for the next few days including mowing the lawns.

Sorry to hear the S.S. brigade have been causing you more problems. Will catch up more tomorow.

Take care, best wishes, Brian

Hi Jules, 

Well sounds like your Mum is a pretty headstrong person so I'm sure she'll make her decision about whether she wants to stay put or take the sheltered accommodation option.  I'm sure you would sooner everything be sorted but life is never that simple is it?  Glad you got some theraputic time in the garden and sounds like the fresh air knocked you out!

Being an only child I, just like you, would never have chosen to have just one child myself, and luckily was blessed with two.  I have always had loads of good friends but at times like this I do wish I had a sibling to share the exact same grief with.

Let us know how your Mum gets on tomorrow.  Hope x

Hi Brian,

Just thought I'd check in with you on Jules' site, sounds like you've been really busy doing all the odd jobs.  They never end up being straightforward though do they?  I always dread it when hubby takes on a task, he is good but I always know they'll be more involved than meets the eye.  Glad you're still finding time to support everybody on here too.  I've sort of become addicted to this site now as it helps me so much.  This week I've been feeling a little better but I know it could (and probably will) go backwards again as I continue this journey of grief.  Thank goodness for virtual friends.  Take care.  Hope x

Morning Brian

Sounds like you had fun and games sorting out the water b.../conservatory issues!!  All those woodworking skill  coming in handy too.  So we are all getting the garden ready for its winter sleep but it was lovely to be able to escape into the sunshine yesterday- helps clear the head and switch off for a while.

Mum's visit to the sheltered housing is late this afternoon and I think she feels she has little choice but to probably accept as the council do not believe in full residential care and will not consider funding where she is (but apparently its not about the money!!). Anyway in one way its a good thing she is able to make the decision for herself (selfish I know but at least I wont get the blame).  The major downside I can see is that she will sit in a flat by herself unless the carers are due in. From a personal viewpoint I will be unable to just pop down the road to visit and that could well result in me being unable to go so regularly.  Its very stressful but I have to remember that my first reserves have to be for my hubby and our life as it is at present. There are so many who are in a much worse situation and as my dear old Dad would have said, worrying does not solve anything (just wish my head had an off switch) so dont waste the energy!!

Going to work today so will be kept busy. Hubby having an at home day and I know my Mum's situation is not helping his emotional thoughts either as he does his best to offer support to me whilst knowing how my Mum feels about life in general is not at all easy for him.    As they say tomorrow is another day and quite honestly I just need things to be resolved so that we can return to coping with day to day life.

Take care Brian and look after yourself and Mrs B.  Chat again soon. Jules xx

Good morning Jules,

Thanks for the reply. Am planning to have an easier day today. As soon as my head hit  the pillow last night, I was gone and didn't want to get up this morning. New washing machine being fitted today so last night we had to move the old one out. My wife did this without telling me and as it's very heavy I told her off for she already has a bad back. She said she did it because I was busy and she wanted to clean behind it. Luckily she is okay but I was concerned.

Hope your mother's visit to the proposed home goes okay and hope she does not let then bully her into accepting their proposal. How can they say it;s not about the money for if that is the case why don't they let her stay where she is? I do hope this situation is resolved for it is causing you and your family a lot of stress at a time you don't need it.

My son has just received an assessment form to fill in regarding the help and benefit's they get for my young grandson and he is convinced they will lose all of it. For the people who sit on these panels often have no medical knowledge and anyway my grandsons problems are rare anyway. One of the people who made an assessment regarding this a few years ago though a tracheotomy was fitted in the leg!!!!!!!!!!!! My son soon put him right but has had to fight all along to get the help they need and at one stage had to contact our local M.P. as the panel were lying to him about contacting a specialist doctor when they had made no effort at all.

Take care Jules and I hope you get some good news regarding your mothers situation, Brian.

P.S. Our wood club have asked to to update our membership directory which means typing out 110 names, addresses, phone numbers and e-mail addresses. That should keep me busy for five minutes at least!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi Hope

Busy day at work has kept me occupied and have now finished evening meal and trying to summon energy to clear up!!  So far no news re Mum but expect social services will fill me in when they are ready.  Will try and fit a visit in to Mum before the weekend(to hear her side of it all) if I can but what with work, hair appointment, school pickup, launderette visit, weekly shop to do by Friday may have to go Saturday.  There are definitely not enough hours in the day at present.

Glad to read that you have had a few easier days and your continued support to me and others on the forum seems to help you as well as us. I certainly find the same feelings about the forum, perhaps its just that we have heightened awareness of other people's feelings.  If anything good can come out of what I am going through, it makes life worthwhile.  At the moment I feel like I am sitting in a sauna even though we have all our doors and windows open (think hot flushes have come early this evening - perhaps they will give me a rest during the night as I am getting a little fed up prowling round the house in the early hours trying to cool down before trying to get more sleep).  Never knew I could exist of such little sleep (maybe more afternoon naps at the weekend will help me catch up, ha ha).

Hope you have had a peaceful day and wish you well for the rest of the week.  Best wishes Jules x

Hi Hope

Busy day at work has kept me occupied and have now finished evening meal and trying to summon energy to clear up!!  So far no news re Mum but expect social services will fill me in when they are ready.  Will try and fit a visit in to Mum before the weekend(to hear her side of it all) if I can but what with work, hair appointment, school pickup, launderette visit, weekly shop to do by Friday may have to go Saturday.  There are definitely not enough hours in the day at present.

Glad to read that you have had a few easier days and your continued support to me and others on the forum seems to help you as well as us. I certainly find the same feelings about the forum, perhaps its just that we have heightened awareness of other people's feelings.  If anything good can come out of what I am going through, it makes life worthwhile.  At the moment I feel like I am sitting in a sauna even though we have all our doors and windows open (think hot flushes have come early this evening - perhaps they will give me a rest during the night as I am getting a little fed up prowling round the house in the early hours trying to cool down before trying to get more sleep).  Never knew I could exist of such little sleep (maybe more afternoon naps at the weekend will help me catch up, ha ha).

Hope you have had a peaceful day and wish you well for the rest of the week.  Best wishes Jules x

Hi Jules, Well I guess no news is good news regarding your Mum as nothing to drastic could have come out of todays visit to the sheltered accommodation.  I read your comments to Brian about having to put things in compartments in your brain, I think it's always true that us women have so many things to content with that our brains should always be like a chest of drawers.  If only we could just deal with one thing at a time like men seem to do!  (sorry Brian if you're reading this, I'm sure you are the exception).

I sympathise with the hormone problems, I think I'm full of hormones as well as grief at the moment.  Thought I'd been doing well just of late then tonight hubby answered me quite abruptly over something and I've ended up in floods of tears again!  I hate the new me as I'm never usually so weak, I can't believe I'm a crumbling mess over something so silly.  Anyway I'm off out with a friend tomorrow for some therapy shopping, just hope my eyes aren't too puffy!

Hope all goes well with your Mum when you see her next.   Hope x

Hi Hope,

Have responded on your thread (to your post to Brian - oops).

Am sure you are right that no news is good news, one way or other its in Mum's hands and its a good thing that she has control. Guess I am just impatient for it all to be resolved so I can put a mental tick in al least one box.(its been rumbling on since early May).  Slightly better night's sleep (only got up once) and have another really busy day at the store today (so much stock to shift and never enough hands) but am looking forward to my dayoff tomorrow an being able to relax whilst I get my hair cut (good natter with the guys there too usually means I stay about an hour!!).  My daughter is back at the hospital for check up in the morning and I am politely informed by my grandson that he has told his teacher I will be collecting him (he has stayed for lunch this week and eaten everything and still wanted another lunch when he gets home!!).  On Monday he stays until the end of day and so 'real' school begins.  He has always been good at going to bed and apparently this week there has been a couple of nights where he was asking to go by 6.30and was asleep before 7, having to be woken over 12 hrs later as he always enjoys breakfast with his Mum (Dad already left for work by then).  Will be interesting to see how he is after a full day!!

As I said on your thread, enjoy your shopping trip today and hope you treat yourself to something nice.  Take care.Jules x

Hi Jules,

(Have replied on my thread too).

I can understand you being impatient for things to be resolved with your Mum, in fact it's not even impatient as it's been going on so long.  I'm sure you just want to have that "box" sorted in your mind, unfortuately everything seems to be a lot of red tape thesedays and we almost have to have the patience of a saint to hang on in there (something I'm not good at being an impatient person by nature). Going to the hairdressers is always theraputic (in fact may even arrange an appointment myself if retail therapy doesn't do the trick!).  Your grandson sounds like he has settled so well into his school routine, eating everything up is always a good sign and him asking for another dinner reminds me of my eldest - he ate continually (still does) and has always remained really slim!  I bet your daughter is happy he is sleeping even better than usual, gives her some time to relax herself which I am sure she needs just now.

Anyway don't work too hard today, and good luck with your Mum.   Hope x

Hi Jules,

just been trying to catch up with you and whats happening in life. I can understand you wanting things resolved with your mum, and i don't think it's impatience, it's because of the uncertainty that then causes stress and worry. So it's not surprising you want it over and done with. Also you get to the point when you've had enough of even having to deal with such people!!!!!!! I have had a few busy days recently and it's not going to stop for a week or two. Charlotte has asked me to go down next Monday for the week to help her and as business allows at the moment i will go down Monday and return Thursday, I have  doctors appointment Friday.

Your grandson sounds so delightful, I suspect all this going to school and a new baby brother is going to make him sound so grown up in the next few weeks. I hope your daughters check up goes well today .

Don't you go overdoing it at work, you sound like a real grafter. Enjoy a lovely day off tomorrow. I have my hair appointment today, working this evening and tomorrow, then get my bags packed for Monday.

Sometimes you just have to keep peddling!!!lLOL.

best

Annabel. xx

Hope,

I hope you have a lovely day of retail therapy with your friend today. You deserve it.

best

Annabel xx

Thanks for your reply Hope.  Am thinking no news is good news re Mum!!  Still hoping to go and see her tomorrow all things being considered and perhaps find out what has  been happening!!

Having got in from work and sorted our lunch feel 'naughty' just sitting and answering my mail but it feels right to have a breather and hubby is having a bit of an emotional day of his own.  Think only having been to work one day this week (the factory is quiet again at present so he is not required) gives him too much thinking time.  He has been out and reordered his repeat prescription but it must be very hard for him to adjust to not  being in work mode as he always said he would never retire but that what it feels like now!!  I now feel guilty about coming home from my shift at the store and saying I feel tired!!! but we have always been honest so when he asked how I was I told him and I dont think his current situation left him feeling very sympathetic because at least I can go to work.  Every day is a new lesson on how to be tactful (suppose I need to think before I speak).  My suggestion that if he felt bored he could do the washing up met with a very muted response!!!

Well we hope to have our  normal Friday nights out tomorrow, me to bingo and him to the pub with his mate for a couple of hours - thats our normality.

Chat soon and take good care of yourself. Jules xx

Hi Annabel

Good to hear from you but bet you cant wait to see your daughter, son in law and little Ava.  You will be in granny mode or are you being called nanny?  I am constantly thinking the phone is going to ring even though my daughter still has two weeks till her due date (you know how quickly that can change!!).  Have to say it does not matter how  down you  may feel, children in general can just make you smile by what they do and say - an experience you have to look forward to with Ava I am sure.  Hope all the family are keeping well and I will look forward to hearing all about it when you get back from your visit.  They say a change is as good as a rest but I suspect you will need another rest when you come home.

Daughter is having specialist midwife team appointment tomorrow so they can do more specialised check up instead of standard clinic today.  She says it makes her feel more relaxed knowing she is in such good hands and of course the grandparents are on hand to do the school pick up tomorrow which helps her enormously as she can relax at the hospital and not worry if timings over-run.

Am hoping, if all is well during the day, that we will get out for our Friday night with friends, me at the bingo as usual and the other half down the pub for a wee dram with his mate.

Hubby currently trying to come to terms with not being needed at work so much (busy last week 4 days, this week only 1!!) and know this is a very big problem for him as he has always been a workaholic and he is now struggling a bit with the concept of being at home more than at work.  However, when I suggested he could always do the easier household jobs like the washing up he was not amused.  Though he has suggested he could 'run me about' tomorrow if needed, bless him.

Take care,  Jules xx

Hi Jules,

I hope your hubby is feeling a bit less emotional, must be very hard for him but also very hard for you and it's not always easy to think before we speak.  I did laugh about the washing up though!  I had a nice day out shopping, another friend from work also came and we spent the day looking for baby clothes for somebody who is leaving next week to have a baby.  Looking at baby girls clothes (she knows its a girl), such sweet pink clothes - I'm not used to that having had 2 boys!  Somehow makes you realise the circle of life, constant birth and constant death. Anyway feeling slightly better, still a bit fragile but think I actually feel almost traumatised by this year's events.  I hope it all goes well visiting your Mum tomorrow.  Let us know.  Hope x

Hi Jules,

Just managing to catch up with various threads on here and managed to track you down to this new one! I'll need to be brief as I'm finding even the little things like typing messages, quite an energy drain!

Sorry to read that the situation with your mum's care is still, as yet, unresolved, although hopefully, when she has made her decision, the ball can get rolling. I hope your hubby feels a little better over the coming days too. Sounds as if he's been working hard!

Lovely to read that your grandson is settling into his new school life so well. Our school offers a similar phased entry over the first fortnight of the new school year, and the system really seems to help the children settle in before they realise that they're 'in the system' for the next 13+ years!!!

Hope your daughters appointment goes well today too and that you manage to get all the jobs done that  you've listed! You'll certainly deserve your night out tonight at Bingo. Good luck for a healthy win!

Jules, You are like a plate spinner, you manage work, hubby, mum, daughter, grandson, home etc etc as well as offering your wise words of support to others on this forum! Like so many others, a true superstar!

Enjoy the weekend and I hope the sun shines wherever you are.

Best wishes, Jo xx

Evening Hope

Pleased your enjoyed your outing with friends, just nice to be able to relax and choosing baby clothes is a lovely way to cheer yourself up a little.

I managed to get my hair done and then went to see Mum and had a lovely relaxed chat (she was definitely on the ball today!!).  She told me in no uncertain terms that she would not take up the offer made by Social Services now and would be happy to spend her last penny staying comfortably looked after where she is now.  She was not too happy that they had asked me to try and change her mind - b......... cheek, its my decision, my money and tell them the decision is final and not to bother me any more!!  As a good obedient daughter I have relayed the message (they were a bit put out!!) by telephone and confirmed by e-mail so I have a written record.  Personally I can understand her reasoning (but kept my opinions to myself to avoid being accused of being a bad influence on her decision) and will try not to worry about the future when her funds are gone.  I have to say when I put the phone down to the social worker I felt much more relaxed and hopefully for the time being this 'mini headache' has been put to bed.

Hubby a little brighter today and has to accept that he faces a life of leisure now.  Finally told me that he has been asked to take early retirement (did not want to worry me whilst I was dealing with Mum- I was a little cross but his kindness is one of his endearing qualities) and so another period of re-adjustment is upon us (we knew it would come one day but that does not make it any easier for him to acknowledge) during our cancer journey.  Thankfully when the new grandchild comes along my daughter will be only too pleased to have an extra pair of arms to hold the baby or do a jigsaw with our elder grandson.  We picked the little one up from school this afternoon and he was full of beans and had me playing hide and seek around the flat followed by several jigsaws.  We need to do a trip to the toy shop to get some with more pieces as the 65 pces were done very quickly!!

Well shortly off for our night out and then think daughter and grandson coming to keep us company tomorrow morning as son in law is working tomorrow a.m.  Weather permitting (its been great the last couple of days) I will be gardening at some point too.

Have a relaxing weekend and chat again soon. TAke care Jules xx