Morning Jules,

Was just wondering how you got on when you visited your Mum this week, and also how your daughter got on at hospital?  I do hope things are not too stressful for you and that you can try and have a relaxing weekend.

I'm waiting for my eldest to come home, he has spent somewhat of Freshers sleeping on fellow pupils floors after social events - latest was a toga party last night!  I'm off to my counsellor this morning, had originally been thinking I wouldn't need to see her for too much longer but have been so emotional this week so will talk things over with her.

The weather is forecast to be nice this weekend but is looking a bit gloomy at present.  Here's hoping it brightens up and the sun shines on us all.  Take care  Hope x

Hi Hope

Hope you visit to the counsellor was helpful and its good for you to be able to talk things through and this should last as long as you need it.

I have just returned from visiting Mum and she was ok though I am sure a little concerned at how long she will be able to stay where she.  She has amazed the staff at how forthright she was when social worker 'interviewed' her and they are left in no doubt as to what she wants. All the care staff came to see me whilst I was visiting to make sure I was okay too - very sweet.  I stayed until she was due to go into lunch and we even managed a bit of a laugh when I showed her latest photos of her great grandson.  He has really enjoyed his first week in Reception and keeps telling his mum that his teacher is the most beautiful one in the school!!

Hubby and I picked him up from school on Friday as my daughter had to return to hospital for a second day of tests and monitoring.  Specialist blood tests with regard to her liver function have been sent off and unless she hears otherwise she returns to clinic next Friday.  The last set of bloods were borderline but all readings for the baby were good.  If the new blood tests show certain 'rises' she may have to be taken in and possibly induced (she is now 37 weeks and would probably welcome is being over and done with!!).  Anyway so far so good.  I have an overnight bag ready and waiting and she has several friends on standby to get her to the hospital if her hubby is at work.  Mind you she is still driving herself at present!!

When we met our grandson at school (its only 10mins to his home) he told Grandad that he could meet us there as it was healthier to walk!!!  My hubby's face was a picture as he drove off and I walked the little tyke home!!

Life's stresses seem to come and go but having the forum to offload certainly helped me to see things in perspective this week though I think my mood swings are more due to hormones than current circumstances.

Sounds like your eldest having a great time during Freshers but will no doubt be looking forward to some home cooking.  Have a great weekend with the family and will catch up again soon.  All the best and look after yourself. Jules xx

Hi Jules,  How lovely that you spend so much time with your grandson, and soon you will have 2 grandchildren to take up your time!  Hope your grandson had a good time at school today staying for lunch, bet he is tired - may give your daughter a rest.

My eldest loving med sch, proper work starts this week and he is already on a placement at a GP practice on Thursday.  Will be great to have a doctor in the family oneday, although I keep telling him he should specialise in cosmetic surgery as I could do with some myself after the stress of this year!

I have been feeling a little better the past couple of days, don't want to get carried away though as I know I will still have bad days ahead, I guess it is just impossible to go through such trauma in such a short space of time and feel OK quickly.

Hope your hubby is doing OK, have a restful evening.  Hope x

Hi Hope,

Annabel here, I hope to catch up with you tomoroow as well. You have been very busy helping so many others on here. You are a star.

best wishes

Annabel. xx

Hi Annabel, Thanks for your comments, I'm not so sure I'm really a star, I just find this site so helpful and want to help others if I can as I know how much the pain hurts.  I've seen that you are recently a grandmother, congratulations and I love the names for your new grandaughter.  Would be lovely to hear from you, my original site "Mum reunited with Dad 5 months later" is still going somewhere so maybe catch up then.  Hope x

Hi again Jules, Hope all is good with you, I sent you a post yesterday.  Catch up soon.   Hope x

Morning Hope

Thanks for your messages which I have now had time to read properly. Monday pretty hectic as I work alone on this day and we were very busy for some reason - think the Christmas shopping has started as people try and spread the cost.  Whatever the reason I was pretty tired when I got home and then picked up a message from social services to say they are calling on Mum again today (this time 2 of them - one a manager) and that they have made an appointment so that the Home Manager can be included whilst they explain the consequences of Mum's decision to turn down their sheltered housing offer!  I just wish it could be sorted one way or another as its taking its toll.

Very exciting times for your son and the family as he begins the long road towards qualifying as a doctor and they dont waste any time getting them 'out there' with work experience.  Must be lovely for you to have him coming home and sharing his day.

We are lucky that our daughter and family only live 20mins walk away and thus we are able to see all of them quite frequently.  Time together has increased since my hubby's diagnosis  as he is home more and available whereas when he was in full time work he travelled the world and could be away for several weeks at a time.  Now they pop in for an hour or so and, of course, as the new arrival time is getting closer our daughter prefers to have some company rather than being on her own.

Really good to read that you are finding the counselling a good support mechanism and I agree that the forum is a great help too. Not sure where I would be without everyones imput and kind words.

Changing topic completely now. Have just been amazed this morning by the number of beautiful spider webs all round the garden.  Even hubby has taken an interest whilst he having his breakfast.  Hopefully if I can find the time later today I will be able to mow the garden (bit misty at present).

Take care and chat again soon.  Jules xx

Hi Jules,  Hope you managed to get out into the garden, it's been sunny here today.  I'm sure the worry of your Mum is taking it's toll on you, the system seems ridiculous to me, however it sounds like your Mum will stand up for herself, they must know this having sent 2 people and 1 being a manager!  I do hope that something more definite gets sorted for you as it must be hard not to worry.  Take care.  Hope x

Thanks for your kind words Hope.  No news from today's appointment so can only assume that Mum stood her ground and is okay as  the Home manager is great at letting me know if things not so good!!! I see from another thread that you are an only child - me too. Often envied others who had siblings through my school years but as both my parents went out to work, I had lots of other children to play with at the childminders.  It made me hope that I could have more than one child myself (and luckily have two very supportive adult children).

Yes, got into the garden (first sign of the sun here for a good few days), have mowed the lawn to within an inch of its life in the hope that wont need to do it again any time soon, haha.Also cleared up quite a bit in the back garden and pruned back most of the roses, though some are still flowering quite steadily.  Hubby got in from work to find me sparko on the sofa - oops!!!  Still must need the sleep - thats my story and I am sticking to it.

Take care and will chat again soon.  Jules x

P.S.  16.45  - just been notified by Mums social worker (via e-mail) that she and her team manager have visited Mum this afternoon and she is now to visit the sheltered housing accommodation tomorrow to give it due consideration.Jules x

Hi Jules,

Sorry i have not replied before. I have had two very busy days. Yesterday I fitted a water butt my son had given us, but had to alter the gutter on our conservatory.What should have been a east job turned out to be a real pain. Then a committee meeting for our wood club last night. Then today after shopping I made my wife a 2 foot high bench for her to put her plants on and which I can put my strawberry plants underneath. Then had to take her for check up at doctors this afternoon. Also have plans for the next few days including mowing the lawns.

Sorry to hear the S.S. brigade have been causing you more problems. Will catch up more tomorow.

Take care, best wishes, Brian

Hi Jules, 

Well sounds like your Mum is a pretty headstrong person so I'm sure she'll make her decision about whether she wants to stay put or take the sheltered accommodation option.  I'm sure you would sooner everything be sorted but life is never that simple is it?  Glad you got some theraputic time in the garden and sounds like the fresh air knocked you out!

Being an only child I, just like you, would never have chosen to have just one child myself, and luckily was blessed with two.  I have always had loads of good friends but at times like this I do wish I had a sibling to share the exact same grief with.

Let us know how your Mum gets on tomorrow.  Hope x

Hi Brian,

Just thought I'd check in with you on Jules' site, sounds like you've been really busy doing all the odd jobs.  They never end up being straightforward though do they?  I always dread it when hubby takes on a task, he is good but I always know they'll be more involved than meets the eye.  Glad you're still finding time to support everybody on here too.  I've sort of become addicted to this site now as it helps me so much.  This week I've been feeling a little better but I know it could (and probably will) go backwards again as I continue this journey of grief.  Thank goodness for virtual friends.  Take care.  Hope x

Morning Brian

Sounds like you had fun and games sorting out the water b.../conservatory issues!!  All those woodworking skill  coming in handy too.  So we are all getting the garden ready for its winter sleep but it was lovely to be able to escape into the sunshine yesterday- helps clear the head and switch off for a while.

Mum's visit to the sheltered housing is late this afternoon and I think she feels she has little choice but to probably accept as the council do not believe in full residential care and will not consider funding where she is (but apparently its not about the money!!). Anyway in one way its a good thing she is able to make the decision for herself (selfish I know but at least I wont get the blame).  The major downside I can see is that she will sit in a flat by herself unless the carers are due in. From a personal viewpoint I will be unable to just pop down the road to visit and that could well result in me being unable to go so regularly.  Its very stressful but I have to remember that my first reserves have to be for my hubby and our life as it is at present. There are so many who are in a much worse situation and as my dear old Dad would have said, worrying does not solve anything (just wish my head had an off switch) so dont waste the energy!!

Going to work today so will be kept busy. Hubby having an at home day and I know my Mum's situation is not helping his emotional thoughts either as he does his best to offer support to me whilst knowing how my Mum feels about life in general is not at all easy for him.    As they say tomorrow is another day and quite honestly I just need things to be resolved so that we can return to coping with day to day life.

Take care Brian and look after yourself and Mrs B.  Chat again soon. Jules xx

Good morning Jules,

Thanks for the reply. Am planning to have an easier day today. As soon as my head hit  the pillow last night, I was gone and didn't want to get up this morning. New washing machine being fitted today so last night we had to move the old one out. My wife did this without telling me and as it's very heavy I told her off for she already has a bad back. She said she did it because I was busy and she wanted to clean behind it. Luckily she is okay but I was concerned.

Hope your mother's visit to the proposed home goes okay and hope she does not let then bully her into accepting their proposal. How can they say it;s not about the money for if that is the case why don't they let her stay where she is? I do hope this situation is resolved for it is causing you and your family a lot of stress at a time you don't need it.

My son has just received an assessment form to fill in regarding the help and benefit's they get for my young grandson and he is convinced they will lose all of it. For the people who sit on these panels often have no medical knowledge and anyway my grandsons problems are rare anyway. One of the people who made an assessment regarding this a few years ago though a tracheotomy was fitted in the leg!!!!!!!!!!!! My son soon put him right but has had to fight all along to get the help they need and at one stage had to contact our local M.P. as the panel were lying to him about contacting a specialist doctor when they had made no effort at all.

Take care Jules and I hope you get some good news regarding your mothers situation, Brian.

P.S. Our wood club have asked to to update our membership directory which means typing out 110 names, addresses, phone numbers and e-mail addresses. That should keep me busy for five minutes at least!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Good morning Jules,

Thanks for the reply. Am planning to have an easier day today. As soon as my head hit  the pillow last night, I was gone and didn't want to get up this morning. New washing machine being fitted today so last night we had to move the old one out. My wife did this without telling me and as it's very heavy I told her off for she already has a bad back. She said she did it because I was busy and she wanted to clean behind it. Luckily she is okay but I was concerned.

Hope your mother's visit to the proposed home goes okay and hope she does not let then bully her into accepting their proposal. How can they say it;s not about the money for if that is the case why don't they let her stay where she is? I do hope this situation is resolved for it is causing you and your family a lot of stress at a time you don't need it.

My son has just received an assessment form to fill in regarding the help and benefit's they get for my young grandson and he is convinced they will lose all of it. For the people who sit on these panels often have no medical knowledge and anyway my grandsons problems are rare anyway. One of the people who made an assessment regarding this a few years ago though a tracheotomy was fitted in the leg!!!!!!!!!!!! My son soon put him right but has had to fight all along to get the help they need and at one stage had to contact our local M.P. as the panel were lying to him about contacting a specialist doctor when they had made no effort at all.

Take care Jules and I hope you get some good news regarding your mothers situation, Brian.

P.S. Our wood club have asked to to update our membership directory which means typing out 110 names, addresses, phone numbers and e-mail addresses. That should keep me busy for five minutes at least!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Evening Brian

Just trying to catch up with a few messages (whilst enjoying  an inbuilt sauna due to hot flushes)!!!  Would be happier if they came when the weather was cold.

Hope you have taken it a bit easier today and have been enjoying some down-time.

No news yet re Mum but no doubt will hear in due time (either when I visit her or when the powers that be update me~).  Have tried to take a backseat this week as so much going on and as Mum has taken the bull by the horns so to speak it is preferable that any decision is not influenced by our personal family situation  as what might be helpful to me is not actually the issue to be dealt with.  I am trying to separate hubby, mother, daughter requirements to all fit together somehow and think I have to accept that they are different issues with different solutions!!  When my brain can compartmentalise I may be on a winning streak to solving a few of my headaches. Until then have decided to deal with one thing at a time where possible.

Must just say it has been great to have you and my other forum buddies offering support and a listening ear as I am sure you all have enough of your own plates without reading  too  much of my spiel.

Hope all well with you and the family and I certainly don't envy your son the form filling (red tape and people who don't really listen/respond to real needs is becoming a bit too much of a feature these days).  Think my Dad would say I need a soapbox in Hyde Park to get things of my chest - somthing he would have loved to do!!!

Take care  chat again soon Jules xx 

Good afternoon Jules, Hope and Annabell,

I am having a great day today or a nutty day as my wife would say. I was able to replenish my bag of Kent Cobb nuts this morning and when I went to see if Waitrose had any of my frozen chestnuts, I found some packs had been reduced to half price. Well you ladies know how much I love my chestnuts so we came home with enough to keep me going until the ordinary ones come in sometime next month. I couldn't believe my wife didn't complain but I suppose as she now has her new washing machine in and fitted, she let me off just this once.  So may have to change my profile picture to that of a squirrel before long.

This afternoon my wife let me take her out for another ride in the country and we stopped at a farm shop and bought some new seasons cox's apples. I refuse to buy these tasteless golden delicious apples.

Have left a message for the lady who wanted to talk to me about publishing my books on-line. Will keep you posted if I have any luck.

Jules, I hope today has not been to tiring for you and that you soon hear that your mothers situation has been resolved. I liked what you said about doing one thing at a time. I can understand that. As a man I cant multi-task like you ladies can. My wife sometime has three or four things going on at a time and it just make me feel giddy watching her.

You also offer support and a listening ear to all of us so don't worry about telling us your problems for we can all help one another on here, to me it what it's all about. It's true what they say a problem shared is a problem halved and it's far better to talk to your friends on here than to bottle it up inside. We are just pleased to help.

Take care Jules, the weekend is coming and hope you will be able to find time to re-charge your batteries. Best wishes, Brian.

Hi Brian

Thanks for you kind words once again.  You talk of changing your profile picture - never mind a squirrel, how about  just 'NUTS'.  Great that you and your wife were able to get  out to the farm shop. IT has been a lovely day here again and would imagine a drive was a lovely way so spend some time  (and farm shop food well worth the trip!!).  As to nuts at Waitrose surely by  now they see you coming and have arrows marking the way to offers (loyal customer truly rewarded). Do they have a suggestion box?

And so to Mum.  Finally had a telphone call from her social worker at 4.15 to bring me up to date.  Apparently Mum made all the right noises as she was shown around the flat being offered, lovely lounge and she could see people passing by, no point showing me the kitchen as I wont be able to use it!! Shown the communal lounge on site and they were about to take her to the dining area (where she can be taken for meals!!) when she told them it was all v.nice but she needed to get back to HER CARE HOME as her tea would be ready and she did not want to miss it.  When asked how she felt about moving there she said 'No thank you'.. Then she complained that they took the long route home and they had better not be late (they weren't).  By this point I was struggling not to laugh (think they now know what they are up against).  I have been asked to point out to my Mum that there will be no help from them if she turns the flat down and that her money wont last long!!  b.cheek!!!  Then I should contact them tomorrow (after I have 'encouraged Mum' to take up the offer (I dont think so!!) and that I should also point out that it would be in her best financial interests.  I was very polite (difficult) and told her I will visit my Mum, ask her what she thinks and if she is adamant that she wants to stay put (and pay for as long as she can afford it), then so be it. This is not what they wanted to hear but I have no intention of upsetting my Mum and if she wishes to spend her money for her own benefit I would be DELIGHTED.  So this particular soap opera continues!!  Somehow I am now managing to see the funny side of all this (how wicked I sound) and am thus coping better.  At least I am forewarned before I visit tomorrow and will also be having a chat with the Home Manager who has been tremendous support to us both.

Have a lovely weekend and enjoy those special purchases you made today.  As to the new washing machine I am just a little jealous

Best wishes  Jules xx

Good morning Jules,

Thanks for the reply. The way you wrote about how your mother talked to the reinforced S.S. brigade really made me smile. She sounds quite a determined lady and good for her in not letting them  bully her in to changing her mind. When you came to the point when you said she told them they'd better not be late getting her home for tea, I just couldn't help but laugh. I hope you don't think badly of me for that but I would have loved to have seen the look on their faces when your mother told them that. Well done for her. I know you want the situation sorted and I can well understand how you feel but at the end of the day it's your mother decision if she want to stay put. You don't sound wicked at all Jules, please don't think that.

With regards to Waitrose and arrows indicating directions to the nutty area, the cobb nuts are at one end of the store and the frozen chestnuts are at the other end. They are using a bit of psychology here Jules as they understand if they keep both lots far apart, I might be tempted by other items while travelling on route. I think they are well aware I am the instigator of Brianitus and have acted accordingly.They know how things have a habit of falling into our trolley!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have got to put a new floor down in our conservatory as the old chipboard flooring is like me, nearing its sell by date and beginning to fall apart. Have got everything ready, just have to summon up the enthusiasm which is sadly lacking at the moment.

Hope you have a peaceful weekend and do hope the visit to your mother goes well. Take care, Brian.

Good Morning Brian

After quite an absence I am so pleased to see you are still here and keeping everyone amused. I hope you and your family are all doing well, it looks like you are? My family and I are having a lot of ups and downs. My poor dads prostate cancer is now terminal and we are in the last stages which is really difficult to deal with. My poor dad as determined as he is, is now struggling to do basic tasks and for such a fit and independant man this is hard. We had a lovely family holiday to skye last week as it is his favourite place and as we had a big cottage we had such a good time together (happy memories). I am broken hearted Brian watching my dad suffer and my mam for that matter. The worst part of it all is the feeling of been so useless that you cant take any of it away for him. I am so glad that you made a good recovery because the thoughts of other peoples dads going along this road is so upsetting. We are waiting for the hospital to do a brain scan as the only place left without cancer at the moment appears to be there, however with tumours showing on the skull they are not looking too hopeful. This information has been kept from dad as I dont think he really need to know this. You really would not believe how well my dad is coping Brian I am so proud of him.

I am as always sending my kind thoughts to you.

Connie xxxx    

Good morning Connie,

Thanks for updating us. There is another thread I replied to where another lady said she also feels so helpless. I know I did when my mother was slowly slipping away from breast cancer which spread to her brain. We see our loved ones slowly getting worse and there is nothing we can do to stop the cancers progress and this is so hard to deal with as I know all to well. 

I am so pleased you had a lovely family holiday and hope you made some happy memories that will help you in the future for they are something not even time can take away from you. Whenever I feel the loss of my mother, I have many happy memories that help me cope with the sadness that hits me. 

My mother was also a very fit and independent woman and even at the last she was more worried about me than she was for herself. Connie, we have every right to be proud of our parents for they have helped shape the person we have become and I feel convinced that your father is very proud of you and loves you very much, which in turn helps him cope so well.

Have they offered your father Abiraterone. It is for men with advanced prostate cancer and is is supposed to give men several more months. I know It is not suitable for every man but thought I would just mention it for some hospitals are reluctant due to it's high cost.

Please keep us updated when you can and anytime you want to talk I and other will do all we can to help.

Take care, I am sending best wishes to you, your father and your family, Brian.

Hi Brian

Dad is on Abariterone and predonisolone and has been now for 2 month but unfortunately I have just found out that his psa has gone up agian. He is on 2 weekly appointments and we will just have to wait and see what happens. He is also now requiring blood transfusions 2.5 weekly. We keep joking we are making a series of casualty! I know dad is on the best treatment he could have all considered and if it buys us a few months Brian then it is extra months together and we are grateful for whatever time we have.

Thank you again for your kind words and support and I will keep in touch.

Love and Hugs

Connie xx  

Thanks Brian

Eat plenty of nuts and in a couple of days you may find your Brainitus is rewarded by being proud of another job well done(though I dont envy you have to lay a floor!!)

Spent the morning chatting to Mum and there is no doubt she is prepared to stay where she is as long as her own funds allow.  Seems to have some 'mojo' back and has told me to tell the social services to leave her alone as she is determined to stay where she is whilst she can afford it.  I have duly followed her instructions (I dare not disobey) and so have both telephoned and e-mailed the 'final decision' to decline their offer of sheltered housing and she has specifically asked them to stop badgering her about it!!  Well that told me and them and I am so proud of her.

Its been quite a week and I shall be glad to go to my bingo night having put this subject 'to bed' at the moment.

Now I can concentrate on lifting hubby's spirits.  He has now been officially 'retired early' (found out Tuesday but delayed telling me as he felt I had enough going on!!  - was quite cross with him but he has always put others first (its one of the things I love about him )).  Think we are facing another period of re-adjustment  but he is looking foward to our new grandchild's arrival and being able to help our daughter if the need arises hopefully will make him realise he is still  'there for us' as much as we are here for him.

Hope you have some time for R&R over the weekend.  Take care and virtual hugs for listening to this 'old girl' ramble through life's ups and downs.

Jules xx

Hi Jules,

This old man as my grandson calls me is always pleased to listen to your ramblings and I do not think of you as an Old Girl. You always strike me as being someone who is young at heart. I do believe we are as old or as young as we feel. Your grandson obviously doesnt think of you as being old, as you play football and other games with him. My grandson only said it to wind me up; he know exactly which buttons to press to get me going.

I know this thing with the S.S and your mother has caused a lot of stress, but it shows your mother has a lot of determination and fight in her, a mother to be proud of for the way she has dealt with them.

Sorry to hear about your husbands forced retirement as I know from what you have written how much his work meant to him. You are right, it will be a big period of adjustment for you both. I know it was for me but it was something I needed to do for as you know, my wife has a lot of health problems and I feel better now I am at home to help her and to look after her.

Hope you have a relaxing weekend Jules and look after yourself for you have had a stressful few weeks in a row just lately.

Take care, best wishes as always, Brian (the nutty one)

See you are back to your 'nutty' best Brian and hope you are enjoying the fruits of your labours and that the conservatory floor project is not giving you too many headaches.  I read on  another thread that you hope to return to one of your favourite National Trust gardens (always loved to visit these when we holidayed int he UK) and it is a shame that your wife cannot enjoy the walk with you.  Was just wondering whether she would be up to being wheeled round as when we took a friend round a couple of years back we were able to borrow wheelchair on site and it gave her such pleasure to be able to join us for the visit without tiring her out.

We have had a lovely morning as our daughter and grandson have been here and he has been showing us his 'scooter skills' along our garden path.  He even got Grandad to stand in goal for him!!

My hubby also took it upon himself (hope you sitting down as you read this ) to take him to Sainsburys and they did the weekly shop together (a couple of miniature chocolate teddies found their way into the trolley plus a pack of small cars which he promptly took 'off roading in the flower bed'.  Whilst they were busy my daughter and I had good chat about his forthcoming 5th birthday in November (he wants board games and I need to know what he has already got!!).  Also discussed contingency plans for when she goes into labour.  Life will be a little easier from Monday as the little one will be in school full time so she will get plenty of rest and she now has her Dad available as back up when I am at work which has put her mind at rest (and made him feel useful!!).

Hope you find some time to relax and will chat again soon.  Jules xx