Hi Jules,

Hope when you meet with your mother it all goes as well as can be expected. I have this afternoon ordered a new washing machine as ours is about twenty two years old and when it starts to spin, It sounds like concord taking off at full power.  We were told two years ago the sub frame was nearly rusted through and couldn't be repaired again. The bearings have finally given out so I am just hoping it will last until the new one is delivered. It is so noisy now I have had to bring my ear defenders in from the garage. But I have got into trouble as I cant hear my wife talking to me now!!!!!!!!!!!.  Think even when the new machine is in and installed may just forget to take them back to the gararge. Hope my wife doesnt read this

Take care Jules. will talk again soon, Brian

Hi Jules,

How right you and Hope are for saying that we can only take one day at a time. It's true for all of us but we don't all realise it. I think you have hit on another good point which is that as we get older we are aware of time passing, and that life is more stressful as it gets faster and more sophisticated. I also think if you are a natural worrier( and I am,) then things can soon get even more stressful. 

Your daughter sounds as old and sensible as mine, indeed there have been moments when I have wondered who is the parent.

I won't mention parents tonight, I am having a difficult time with mine as they get older, and I don't know whether it's me being a grumpy getting older woman or them being ever demanding second childhood parents. (Sorry I said I wouldn't go there!!!!!!)

Jules I really came on tonight to say I won't be on the forum until Sunday night now as am lending my laptop to husband who is off to Wales for 3 nights, so he can answer business emails whilst away.

Will catch up with everyone on Sunday eve. Hope you all have a lovely weekend.

Annabelxx.

Hi Jules,

Sorry to read that you have been having so much hassle with your mums situation whilst having to deal with your husband's illness.  At least your Mum made the decision to stay herself.  Hopefully something comes up closer to home soon.  Take care.xxx

Hi Jules

I am so sorry to read what you are going through where has the humanity gone within our country, you only have one mother and in our life time we try to do the very best for our parents only to come up against social service panels who make these decisions have they not got parents themselves I am absolutlry horrified at the way the are treating you and your mum do they also not know about the turmoil you are having, ie hubby's illness can you not talk to you local MP.  The way you have been treated is absolutely horrendous, is this the future for many elderly people who cannot defend themselves.

What can I say my love only take it one step at a time.

I am thinking of you lovely Jules

Take cafe darling

Beryl xxxxx

Thanks so much Beaker to responding on my thread when dealing with your own sadness.  I will be visiting Mum later this week and it really is a case of taking things day by day now as it looks as though by Mum refusing to even look at an alternative solution to her care arrangements, there may well be no financial support from social services as they do not recognise the need for full residential care and say this was a luxury whilst she could afford it (and they cannot support that!!).  In the next breath they say its not about the cost, just that the 'service user' can be managed just as well in what they are offering. They might as well just issue my Mum with a number. Very frustrating but with Mum having chosen to make a stand she will have to use what little money she has now to stay where she is for as long as she can. After that, well who knows!

Hubby is plodding along and is managing to still do a few days a week at work in a consultancy/teaching role at present. It leaves him pretty tired the rest of the time but work is where he is happiest so we are coping like so many others in this situation.

Take care of yourself. Jules x

Thanks for  your very kind words Beryl.  Life is certainly not meant to be straightforward these days!!  Having said that the positiveness of my Mum took us all by surprise given her recent moods so as they say there is life in the old dog yet. Not certain what the future holds regarding her Care so one day at a time is the only way to go for now.  The government view is that everyone should be looked after in 'own home' environment' with full residential care being a last resort and they do not feel Mum's needs require the current level of 'residency' at such a high cost. In the next breath they say its now about the money.  Hey ho.  By the way they are fully aware of our home situation and even offered us extra help (not required at present) - hard to understand their way of thinking but it does all come down to rules, regulations, guidelines, tick boxes etc etc.  Will visit Mum probably tomorrow now as thats my next day off and am sure it will be an interesting conversation if she is in the right mood.  Having spoken to her care team she is doing okay - stronger in  mind than in body perhaps!!

Hope you are managing the  day to day mantra we are all trying to cope by. Sending virtual hugs. Jules xx

Hi Jules,  Have just realised that I've sort of replied to your last post on my thread but wanted to touch base anyway and say that I hope you are feeling a bit better today.  Mental health issues are always difficult as is dealing with elderly parents and all that that entails, I hope your inner strength comes through for you.  Good luck to your daughter today at the hospital.  A trip to the hairdressers is always good for self-esteem too!  Take care.  Hope x

Good morning Jules,

We have a nice clear blue sky here this morning with a touch of fog and the temperature is only 6 degrees outside so feeling very chilly went I went outside to put the rubbish out. Hope you are able to have a good conversation with your mother tomorow and that the S.S. visit has not upset her too much. I cant get over the fact that they wanted you to do their work for them in try to change your mothers mind. Talk about trying to pass the buck. I bet they were a bit taken aback by your mothers refusal to do what they wanted. I hope your extended hours at work has not been to tiring. Hope you have a quite weekend planned. Take care Jules and will talk again soon, Brian.

Hi Jules,

I only just saw your thread this morning, but felt so upset for you reading all that you have all gone through this week.  I really hope a good night's sleep was had last night and that this has revived you for what today holds in store; I hope your visit to Mum goes well.  On the plus side, it does sound a little like these decisions have given your Mum some of her fight back which I think is a good thing.  Sounds like your husband and daughter are providing great support and giving you the right level of love and 'talkings to' as needed!  I have seen many comments in this thread about taking each day at a time, and as you will know from my previous postings, this is valuable advice I give to everyone - it just makes coping that much easier when you deal with one thing at a time rather than trying to deal with the whole thing all of the time (which never works I have found!)

As well as that, do keep focussing on the imminent birth of your next Grandchild - as we have said many times, children are a wonderful way of diverting the mind to more positive thoughts and I really hope this will be the case for you and your family.

Take good care, thinking of you as always,

Catherine x