Dear Catherine

I am sending condolences to you from all of us at Cancer Chat. You have been with your mum every step of the way and, as Jules has said, it is good to know that she had a peaceful final few days surrounded by her loved ones.

Best wishes to you and your family at this sad time,

Jane

Oh Catherine,

I am so sorry to read this. But I think it just goes to show from the tribute you wrote about your mother, what a wonderful daughter you are and it must have made your mother very proud to have a daughter who loved her as much as you have. Like Jules, I am glad you and the family were able to be with her right to the end. I know the hugely differing range of feelings you talk about as I felt pretty much the same when I lost my mother. I thank you for coming on here to let us know and please come back anytime you want Catherine, for you have made many friends on here over the past few months who will do all we can to help and support you through this most painful time.

Sending my deepest sympathy and condolences both to you and your family, please take care of yourself, Brian

Catherine,

Just to say I am so sorry to hear that you lost your Mother yesterday. You describe her as a wonderful Wife, Mum, Grandma and Mother in Law.  I just want to say I think she must have passed on some of her traits to you as you have written such lovely messages to people (including myself) on here, and it sounds like you are a wonderful daughter to your late Mum.  Thinking about you and your family at this terrible time.  I hope and pray that the day will come very soon that people dont have to lose their lives to this awful illness.   Kathryn x  

Catherine,  everyone who has shared your story will be keeping you in their thoughts during the terribly hard time for you and your family. The forum's support is there for whenever you need to chat. Take care and sending hugs.Jules

Hello Catherine

So sorry to hear your mother has passed away, trying to find the right words but I'm relieved that you were with your mother during her last moments. For me this was very important and what seemed like the only part of the whole terrible experience I had some control over. Your waves of emotions and feelings right now are all too familiar as you know. Trying to come to terms with reality of losing someone so precious and how your world will be from this moment on is such a heart wrenching reality it leaves us feeling numb, I'm still in a state of separation from my emotions; having to make all the necessary arrangements has detached me a little.

Your mother was obviously a dearly loved lady and if like my mother she was the central hub of the whole family it will feel like something is truly broken. Your love, support and care through this ordeal is something your mum is proud of, I believe it is how people live on after death. Please try to find comfort in how she lives on in you all through your ways; I know this helps me in my dark moments. When you have a moment look up a poem by Henry Scott Holland 'death is nothing at all' you may of heard it before, I read it at my best friends eulogy and it comforts me still.

Can I thank you for your support during my mothers death, your kind words certainly helped me get through. My thoughts are with you all, be brave and be there for one another just as your mum would want you to be.

Nick x

Hi Catherine

I have been thinking about you all weekend and only read your message this morning.  I just don't know what to say to you Catherine only that your mum is no longer in pain and she is at peace now.

You are right about crying one minute and then laughing at something maybe your mum did the next but it is all in the cycle of grieving.  Your tribute to your mum is so fitting from a daughter who was so proud to have her as your mum and likewise.

Take care of yourself Catherine and your wee family.

Sending you hugs

Mickied

Hi Nick,

Thanks so much for your message, so many of your words rang true with how I have been feeling and brought comfort at this horribly difficult time.  I completely understand what you mean about being numb and in a state of separation from your emotions - I keep saying to people that I am in a state of disbelief and feel like I have put up this protective emotional barrier, which is just about keeping me from falling apart.  But occasionally, I feel it starting to slip and then I'm not in a good way.

My mum certainly was the central hub of our family, we are a small and very close family but she was still the one that kept things together.  I sort of feel like this has passed to me now, and hope I can do as good a job.  She absolutely does live on in all of us, and as you say, I really do take comfort from this, especially with the idea that she lives on in her grand-children too. And something I have really tried to do is encourage people to talk about her, and tell them not to worry about upsetting us by doing so.  I would hate to ever think that people couldn't or wouldn't talk about her, and always want to feel that part of her is still here with us.

You are very kind to thank me for my support, but on this wonderful forum, any support I have been able to offer has been matched many times over by the kind words offered to me, including by yourself - and in your case, it has been so very important because of going through this at such a similar time.  So a huge thank you to you as well.

You mention about the poem 'death is nothing at all' - a close family friend put a copy of this in a card to us, and you are absolutely right, what a huge comfort those thoughts are.  The poem is now sitting on the side in my mum and dad's living room and I have read it many times in the last few days.

I hope that the days that have passed since the loss of your mother have started to bring some comfort to you and your family - I am not sure if you have had your mother's funeral yet, but if not send you strength and support for that day and beyond.

Wishing you all the very best,

Catherine x

Thank you Mickied - as you say, the thought that Mum is at peace now is very important to us.  She didn't want to put either herself or us through a long period of suffering, and she was totally determined about this to the end.  She was a wonderful mum, I still cannot imagine the future without her, but trying to focus on all the wonderful memories has helped with my grieving and has made me determined to keep her memory alive.

A special thank you for all the words of comfort you have offered me as I tried to come to terms with Mum's illness and the setbacks along the way - this forum has been an amazing support and has really helped so much in the darkest of times.

Wishing you and your family all the best also, stay in touch,

Catherine x

Hello Catherine

My thoughts are still with you and your family and I indeed have found comfort and strength from the support of people on this forum, especially from you as our tragedies are very paralleled at this time.

A strange thing happened on Thursday, the easiest way to describe my feelings are as if my emotional state in my dreams are sensitive and my waking hours I'm quite numb and almost detached; surely this is the wrong way round? Thursday night I dreamt my whole family was in a plane and it crashed, through the chaos I was able to gather all my family together who had all survived, my mum was the only one missing. Then we were all walking along an airport concourse and I was calling out "mum mum", I spotted her sitting behind a roped off section, she was younger and as beautiful as I can ever remember, she rushed forward but would not cross saying she has not been checked through, I pulled her over this invisible threshold and we all hugged and smiled; I then awoke and prepared for her funeral later that morning.

Yesterday at 10:30 we held a Christian funeral at a local Crematorium, my brother, two cousins and I carried her in from the hearse just as all four of us had done only four months earlier for my mother's brother, the father of my two cousins. The weather was kind, the sun shone and lots of relatives and friends payed their respects. My emotions became so real but I had to dig deep and compose myself as well as I could for my family, in particular my father who I can only sadly describe as like a lost child. Abba SOS played on the way in, mourners spilled out through the doors to the reception, Pamela had full house. Some words and prayers were said and we sang 'How great thou art'. We asked for the curtain to remain open and Queen 'these were the days' belted out as we departed.

Apologies if that went on a little and sorry for it sounding a bit too 'about me' but I wanted to paint a visual picture and share some of my mum with you and others, I hope it some how brings some strength to you. Please continue to be brave and supportive to others, I believe this is in your nature and as you mentioned a characteristic your mum has nurtured in you.

Take care and will chat again very soon.

Nick x