Thank you everyone for taking the time to reply.

Hopewells - I am  sorry to hear about both your Mum and your little brother, although good news that he is on the mend, and am sorry you are going through all this at such a young age.  I wish you well with all that lies ahead.  I take on board what you say about feeling lucky for the time I have had with my Mum, but that doesn't necessarily make what she is going through any easier to deal with - with things like this, it's probably best not to try and compare who is luckier than who, as when you are going through it, I'm sure it's just as hard for all of us for many different reasons and in many different ways.  Thank you for your advice and your prayers and for sharing your story.

Mickied - thanks also for your reply, you are absolutely right that the only way to deal with this is to live one day at a time, and I absolutely have to focus on doing that.  But you are right that it comes down to the kind of person you are, and just because something like this happens, you can't suddently change the way you feel or react to things.  I wish you all the strength to get through this to, and please stay in touch as  I feel there are some similarities in the way we are feeling and coping.

Brian - a massive thanks to you again, you write so well and manage to say so many of the right things.  Thank you for your wishes.  I am feeling better this week, and planning a few more trips to spend time with Mum  I just want to until we are given some more indication fo what the future holds, and without sounding morbid, would never want to regret not spending time with her - she keeps feeling guilty about us travelling to see her, so I am having a job convincing her that we do it because we want to!  All the very best to you and please stay in touch.

Catherine x

Hi Catherine

As they say life can be so cruel sometimes and it can be very hard to try and get through each day as it comes.  How is your mum keeping and how are you?

I kept your mum in my prayers and discovered last week that a young baby who undergone a heart operation survived and is on the mend so sometimes there is someone listening.

Thank you for the invitation to stay in touch which I promise I will do.

Take care

Mickied

Catherine, my thoughts are with you and the rest of your family during this saddest of times. It was  a lovely tribute to your Mum that you found the strength to post so soon after your loss. She will live in your heart forever and has helped make you who you are. Am pleased for you all that you were able to be with her during her last few days and that she passed with the comfort of her family around her in such peaceful and pain free surroundings. Sending virtual hugs.Jules x

Dear Catherine

I am sending condolences to you from all of us at Cancer Chat. You have been with your mum every step of the way and, as Jules has said, it is good to know that she had a peaceful final few days surrounded by her loved ones.

Best wishes to you and your family at this sad time,

Jane

Oh Catherine,

I am so sorry to read this. But I think it just goes to show from the tribute you wrote about your mother, what a wonderful daughter you are and it must have made your mother very proud to have a daughter who loved her as much as you have. Like Jules, I am glad you and the family were able to be with her right to the end. I know the hugely differing range of feelings you talk about as I felt pretty much the same when I lost my mother. I thank you for coming on here to let us know and please come back anytime you want Catherine, for you have made many friends on here over the past few months who will do all we can to help and support you through this most painful time.

Sending my deepest sympathy and condolences both to you and your family, please take care of yourself, Brian

Catherine,

Just to say I am so sorry to hear that you lost your Mother yesterday. You describe her as a wonderful Wife, Mum, Grandma and Mother in Law.  I just want to say I think she must have passed on some of her traits to you as you have written such lovely messages to people (including myself) on here, and it sounds like you are a wonderful daughter to your late Mum.  Thinking about you and your family at this terrible time.  I hope and pray that the day will come very soon that people dont have to lose their lives to this awful illness.   Kathryn x  

Jules, Brian, Kathryn and all others who have replied to me previously,

Thank you so much for your words of kindness and comfort,.  The last few days have been impossibly hard, but I have found that the kindness and thoughts of others, and in particular those who have gone through this, have helped so much.

I will certainly stay in touch on this forum, as will never forget the support of you all, and as alwasy wish you all the very best.

Take care,

Catherine xx

Catherine,  everyone who has shared your story will be keeping you in their thoughts during the terribly hard time for you and your family. The forum's support is there for whenever you need to chat. Take care and sending hugs.Jules

Hello Catherine

So sorry to hear your mother has passed away, trying to find the right words but I'm relieved that you were with your mother during her last moments. For me this was very important and what seemed like the only part of the whole terrible experience I had some control over. Your waves of emotions and feelings right now are all too familiar as you know. Trying to come to terms with reality of losing someone so precious and how your world will be from this moment on is such a heart wrenching reality it leaves us feeling numb, I'm still in a state of separation from my emotions; having to make all the necessary arrangements has detached me a little.

Your mother was obviously a dearly loved lady and if like my mother she was the central hub of the whole family it will feel like something is truly broken. Your love, support and care through this ordeal is something your mum is proud of, I believe it is how people live on after death. Please try to find comfort in how she lives on in you all through your ways; I know this helps me in my dark moments. When you have a moment look up a poem by Henry Scott Holland 'death is nothing at all' you may of heard it before, I read it at my best friends eulogy and it comforts me still.

Can I thank you for your support during my mothers death, your kind words certainly helped me get through. My thoughts are with you all, be brave and be there for one another just as your mum would want you to be.

Nick x

Hi Catherine

I have been thinking about you all weekend and only read your message this morning.  I just don't know what to say to you Catherine only that your mum is no longer in pain and she is at peace now.

You are right about crying one minute and then laughing at something maybe your mum did the next but it is all in the cycle of grieving.  Your tribute to your mum is so fitting from a daughter who was so proud to have her as your mum and likewise.

Take care of yourself Catherine and your wee family.

Sending you hugs

Mickied

Hi Nick,

Thanks so much for your message, so many of your words rang true with how I have been feeling and brought comfort at this horribly difficult time.  I completely understand what you mean about being numb and in a state of separation from your emotions - I keep saying to people that I am in a state of disbelief and feel like I have put up this protective emotional barrier, which is just about keeping me from falling apart.  But occasionally, I feel it starting to slip and then I'm not in a good way.

My mum certainly was the central hub of our family, we are a small and very close family but she was still the one that kept things together.  I sort of feel like this has passed to me now, and hope I can do as good a job.  She absolutely does live on in all of us, and as you say, I really do take comfort from this, especially with the idea that she lives on in her grand-children too. And something I have really tried to do is encourage people to talk about her, and tell them not to worry about upsetting us by doing so.  I would hate to ever think that people couldn't or wouldn't talk about her, and always want to feel that part of her is still here with us.

You are very kind to thank me for my support, but on this wonderful forum, any support I have been able to offer has been matched many times over by the kind words offered to me, including by yourself - and in your case, it has been so very important because of going through this at such a similar time.  So a huge thank you to you as well.

You mention about the poem 'death is nothing at all' - a close family friend put a copy of this in a card to us, and you are absolutely right, what a huge comfort those thoughts are.  The poem is now sitting on the side in my mum and dad's living room and I have read it many times in the last few days.

I hope that the days that have passed since the loss of your mother have started to bring some comfort to you and your family - I am not sure if you have had your mother's funeral yet, but if not send you strength and support for that day and beyond.

Wishing you all the very best,

Catherine x

Thank you Mickied - as you say, the thought that Mum is at peace now is very important to us.  She didn't want to put either herself or us through a long period of suffering, and she was totally determined about this to the end.  She was a wonderful mum, I still cannot imagine the future without her, but trying to focus on all the wonderful memories has helped with my grieving and has made me determined to keep her memory alive.

A special thank you for all the words of comfort you have offered me as I tried to come to terms with Mum's illness and the setbacks along the way - this forum has been an amazing support and has really helped so much in the darkest of times.

Wishing you and your family all the best also, stay in touch,

Catherine x

Thank you Mickied - as you say, the thought that Mum is at peace now is very important to us.  She didn't want to put either herself or us through a long period of suffering, and she was totally determined about this to the end.  She was a wonderful mum, I still cannot imagine the future without her, but trying to focus on all the wonderful memories has helped with my grieving and has made me determined to keep her memory alive.

A special thank you for all the words of comfort you have offered me as I tried to come to terms with Mum's illness and the setbacks along the way - this forum has been an amazing support and has really helped so much in the darkest of times.

Wishing you and your family all the best also, stay in touch,

Catherine x

Hi Catherine

I will be thinking about you and your family today.  As someone else said you will be celebrating your mum's life today on one of the hardest days you will ever have to face.

How is your dad holding up. I remember when my own father died suddenly I felt I was at someone else's funeral.  I felt so numb as if it just hadn't sank in yet.  It was only after everyone had gone home I started to realise he wasn't coming back.

I am glad some of your mum's friends want to help with the tea afterwards.  People like to feel they are helping in times like this but you are right to keep busy too.

How is your wee daughter holding up too?  Kids surprise you sometimes.  After my father-in-law died my youngest one took it bad.  She had been sitting the day before she went to school making him a get well card because he had been taken into hospital and then the night of the funeral she was making arrangements to sneak her two grandas out of heaven.  I just looked at her and every so often she will say I miss granda when is he coming back.  I wish I had the answers but I don't.

Take care and keep in touch Catherine.  You will be in my thoughts today.

Mickied

Hi Mickied,

Thank you so much for your message on the day of Mum's funeral.  I hope you will see my new thread, and stay in touch on there, but I was so touched by your message here that I wanted to reply here as well.  Thank you for asking about my father and daughter - they are both ok.  Dad is quite calm, and is being well looked after by his family and close friends.  I think he ha some time to prepare for the emptiness at home, as Mum was in hospital/a hospice for quite a few weeks at the end.  We will be keeping a close eye on him over the coming weeks, and he is staying with us at present.

My daughter is also ok - she is really too young to understand what is going on, but has sensed things becaue we have been away so much, but for trying to take positives from horrible situations, it has given her a lot more time to spend time with relatives that she doesn't see so much of and that has been lovely to see.  The story of your daughter is lovely but so sad, how do you even start to try to explain death to ones so young and innocent...?  I know from the way you write on here that you will have found the right words to help her.

Your description of your own father's funeral rang a few bells, like feeling numb and like it was someone else - it felt strange that we were there for Mum, like it wasn't really true, to be honest it still isn't sinking in and I'm not sure when it will.

Thank you as always for taking the time to write, and also to share your stories and experiences as they really help me.

Take care and speak soon,

Catherine x

Hi Catherine

Thank you for your lovely words and your appreciation.   You are right about your wee daughter getting time to spend time with relatives she rarely sees.

We have a running joke amongst cousins of mine meaning we only get to see each other at the odd wedding but mostly funerals.  It is sad too but very true nonetheless.

Some people describe it Catherine as waking up from a nightmare only to discover it is reality.

Will your father stay with you for some time or return back to his own house.  Even if he does you are such a caring daughter he will never be on his own.

I promise I will keep in touch.

An uncle of mine is very ill at the minute.  He is at home being looked after by care workers and his three daughters and son.  His wife is currently in a nursing home because she has the later stages of dementia.  She is in her early 70s - sad too but again that is how cruel life can be.

Take care and hugs to you

Mickied