Hello Nick,

Thank you for the lovely description of your Mum's funeral, and please do not apologise for all the details.  It sounds like the day was as emotional as expected, but a fitting tribute to your Mum and all the work that would have gone into organising it.   I was so sorry to hear how soon after your Mum's brother's death this came, but hope you and your cousins have been able to support each other through such a sad time.  I am sure you had to work hard to keep your emotions under control, I will find out but am kind of expecting the day of the funeral to be the day it hits me...I hope you father is doing ok - I have had moments of sadness and guilt about mine over the last few days - as hard as this is on me, I have my wonderful husband and daughter to come home to and to cry with - I feel so sad for my dad that although he has many close friends to turn to, he has to go back to an empty house every night.  It is no wonder they feel so lost when their life companions have been taken from them, and I think as a result the period of adjustment for them must be even longer and perhaps more difficult.

We are in the last stages of organising Mum's funeral which takes place this Thursday - in line with Mum's wishes, we will be holding a small private service at the crematorium and then a memorial service in their village, with an afternoon tea served afterwards (which I am busy cooking for today - some of mum's friends are doing most of the food, but I like to be busy and involved rather than just waiting for the day!!)  I am kind of dreading the day, combined with an overwhelming urge to make sure everything is perfect for her send off.  I will be doing a reading, as will a close family friend and my dad has written a tribute that will be read at the end of the service - I know he will do a great job despite his current state.

It was interesting to read the story about your dream - I have been a bit worried about my state of mind the last few days - I feel like I have become too detached from my emotions, and like the protective barrier I reviously mentioned has become even bigger.  I am worried that this is an excessive form of a coping mechanism, but it doesn't feel right.  Like you, I feel numb, but then keep waking in the night and feel almost panicky at how awful it all is - I am not naturally a panicky person, usually calm and in control, but then by the morning feel calm again.  I can't relate to how I feel I've never been through something like this before, and I don't recognise myself sometimes.

Anyway, I need to apologise now for going on - I hope you have all been feeling ok in the days since your Mum's funeral, will be in touch soon,

Take care,

Catherine x

Hello Catherine

I have been thinking about you and your family; tomorrow is a difficult day for you all and I'm sure you are trying to mentally prepare for the overwhelming emotions you will experience when hearing a tribute towards your lovely mum in a past tense. You, your family and your dear departed mother will be in my thoughts tomorrow, I hope the service does her existence and importance justice. Continue to be strong and against all the odds endeavour to celebrate your mum's life during the hardest day of your life.

Nick X

Catherine

Just wanted to let you  know will be holding you and your family in my thoughts as you celebrate your Mum's life tomorrow.  Emotionally charged it will rightly be but hang on to those wonderful memories you have made during her lifetime to carry you through this difficult day. Virtual hugs.Jules

Hi Catherine,

Just wanted to say like Jules, I will be thinking of you today. I know what an emotional day it can be for I still remember the day of my mothers funeral. I was so glad I had my wife and family to help me get through that day. So please take care and remember the many happy memories you have of your mother's life. I was reminded of my mother the other day when my wife broke something. Just like my mother, I refused to throw it out and just as she used to do managed to make a repair. My mother was always such a practical person and it may sound silly but I could almost fell her smiling approvingly at what I'd done. As I have said before, our mothers live on inside of us and that belief gets stronger as each year goes by. Take care Catherine, will be thinking of you, Brian

Hi Catherine

I will be thinking about you and your family today.  As someone else said you will be celebrating your mum's life today on one of the hardest days you will ever have to face.

How is your dad holding up. I remember when my own father died suddenly I felt I was at someone else's funeral.  I felt so numb as if it just hadn't sank in yet.  It was only after everyone had gone home I started to realise he wasn't coming back.

I am glad some of your mum's friends want to help with the tea afterwards.  People like to feel they are helping in times like this but you are right to keep busy too.

How is your wee daughter holding up too?  Kids surprise you sometimes.  After my father-in-law died my youngest one took it bad.  She had been sitting the day before she went to school making him a get well card because he had been taken into hospital and then the night of the funeral she was making arrangements to sneak her two grandas out of heaven.  I just looked at her and every so often she will say I miss granda when is he coming back.  I wish I had the answers but I don't.

Take care and keep in touch Catherine.  You will be in my thoughts today.

Mickied

Hi Mickied,

Thank you so much for your message on the day of Mum's funeral.  I hope you will see my new thread, and stay in touch on there, but I was so touched by your message here that I wanted to reply here as well.  Thank you for asking about my father and daughter - they are both ok.  Dad is quite calm, and is being well looked after by his family and close friends.  I think he ha some time to prepare for the emptiness at home, as Mum was in hospital/a hospice for quite a few weeks at the end.  We will be keeping a close eye on him over the coming weeks, and he is staying with us at present.

My daughter is also ok - she is really too young to understand what is going on, but has sensed things becaue we have been away so much, but for trying to take positives from horrible situations, it has given her a lot more time to spend time with relatives that she doesn't see so much of and that has been lovely to see.  The story of your daughter is lovely but so sad, how do you even start to try to explain death to ones so young and innocent...?  I know from the way you write on here that you will have found the right words to help her.

Your description of your own father's funeral rang a few bells, like feeling numb and like it was someone else - it felt strange that we were there for Mum, like it wasn't really true, to be honest it still isn't sinking in and I'm not sure when it will.

Thank you as always for taking the time to write, and also to share your stories and experiences as they really help me.

Take care and speak soon,

Catherine x

Hi Catherine

Thank you for your lovely words and your appreciation.   You are right about your wee daughter getting time to spend time with relatives she rarely sees.

We have a running joke amongst cousins of mine meaning we only get to see each other at the odd wedding but mostly funerals.  It is sad too but very true nonetheless.

Some people describe it Catherine as waking up from a nightmare only to discover it is reality.

Will your father stay with you for some time or return back to his own house.  Even if he does you are such a caring daughter he will never be on his own.

I promise I will keep in touch.

An uncle of mine is very ill at the minute.  He is at home being looked after by care workers and his three daughters and son.  His wife is currently in a nursing home because she has the later stages of dementia.  She is in her early 70s - sad too but again that is how cruel life can be.

Take care and hugs to you

Mickied