Hello SophieBristol, 

A very warm welcome to our forum and well done for taking the courage to post. Sometimes it's not easy to write that first post and I hope that you will be hearing from other members of our community who have been in a similar place before and who have also looked after a loved one who has been diagnosed with mesothelioma. 

You will find detailed information on our website on mesothelioma which may be useful to you. I am so sorry to hear that he has been so poorly. It's lovely everything you are doing for him, putting together meal plans and I don't think you are a control freak at all but perhaps you are feeling the need to help on a practical level as much as possible, to give support where you feel you can really make a tangible difference. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, on the contrary, I am sure that everything you are doing is very much appreciated. Putting together meal plans is a really good idea and ringing him whenever you can will mean so much to him too. Researching benefits and grants and taking him to all appointments is also incredibly helpful so what you are doing is amazing really and you should not feel guilty for not feeling sad and being a bit numb; it is completely understandable at the moment and it may well be a coping mechanism that you want to focus on trying to make a difference and improving his life as much as possible. You are doing all the right things really as you can read from our information for family, friends and caregivers where you can find some good tips on how to support someone with cancer whilst making sure that you are taking care of yourself. 

I honestly don't think you should feel any guilt whatsoever about not living in Bristol anymore - you are only a 45 minute train ride away so that is actually super close. So many people actually have parents who live a lot further away or even in another country so don't put any pressure on yourself. You seem to be doing absolutely everything you can and it's so nice of you too to go and stay with him for a few days every couple of weeks and I am sure he appreciates your company. 

You are not alone though - I have come across other members of our community recently who have a parent who has been diagnosed with mesothelioma. Most recently, GAW3 posted this mesothelioma thread about their dad's recent diagnosis so don't hesitate to drop them a line on their thread if you want to do so. diddydoddy also posted this thread about their husband's mesothelioma diagnosis and they were at the time considering immunotherapy. willsgrandma also posted this thread on their cousin's mesothelioma diagnosis a few months ago. 

If it would help to talk with one of our nurses at any point then you're welcome to call them on 0808 800 4040, Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm. I know they will be happy to listen and offer any advice, information and support they can. 

Best wishes, 

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator