Hello RhubarbDragon

I just wanted to reach out and reply to your post to say that you are very much not alone in feeling overwhelmed by the responsibilities, pressures and sacrifices that have come hand in hand with caring for your husband. While you've not yet had a response from other community members I know that there will be many people out there who can recognise their own circumstances in the experiences you've described. 

I don't know what support you and your husband have in place, if any. And it may be that at the moment, one or both of you feel that outside support isn't what you want or need. But if this is something you would like to explore, then you can ask for a carer's assessment. This is separate from a care assessment for your husband, and you can read more on the NHS website. There is also information available on our website about taking care of yourself.

If it would help to talk things through with one of our nurses at any point, you're most welcome to give them a call. They're available Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm on 0808 800 4040 (excluding bank holidays). I know they will be happy to listen and offer any advice, information and support they can. 

And of course, keep posting here in the Cancer Chat forum if it helps to have a safe space to put down in writing how you're feeling. We see you RhubarbDragon and we're here to listen. 

Sending you my best wishes, 
Jenn
Cancer Chat moderator 

Thank you Jenn for responding I was having a really bad few days and writing it down did help though i was also mindful of not upsetting others who might not need to hear this right now.

not considered a care assessment for hubby or had it mentioned before.....i will look into that and phaps carers too....

Sometimes everything does get too much doesnt it?

Thank you for your support i needed to hear it today 

Kind regards

RB 

I'm glad it's helped RB. Talk with your husband and then you can speak with his GP or whoever is involved in managing his medical care, such as the district nurses or hospice team, for a care referral. 

Hopefully the two of you can get some support in place that will make life a little easier. 

Best wishes, 
Jenn
Cancer Chat moderator 

Hi Rhubarb, 

I came on here thinking of posting just to vent when I saw your post. Oh my days I totally relate to how you're feeling. 

I'm so sorry you and your husband are going through this, it's so cruel and I fully understand that feeling of being on high alert. It's exhausting! 

I feel like my feelings and emotions are constantly being chewed up and spat out. I'm absolutely drained. My Mum is currently in a hospice with stage 4 triple negative breast cancer which has spread to the lungs and liver. She's only just turned 57. Today's been a really tough day and I don't know how much longer I can keep staying strong. She originally went into the hospice to be put out of pain but things are progressing quiet quick and now I don't know if she will come out or not, everything's up in the air. 

The whole thing is pure turmoil. Sending you hugs and strength x

Hello Strawberrybear

I am so sorry to hear about your Mum swift change in health needs 

It will feel like you are running to keep up with what is happening 

Take some deep deep breaths and remember the most important thing is you are being there for your mum when she needs you most and that will mean the world to her.

do you have any family friends to support you?

The hospice team are there for you too dont be  afraid to tell them how you feel....

You are very human and going thru  losing a parent is very hard indeed especially at such a young age which makes you young too 

Sending biggest hugs Stawberrybear 

RB

Hello Rhubarbdragon, 

I can relate so much to what you are saying, I too want to scream and shout as I'm currently in a similar situation emotionally. My husband became unwell in February and was officially diagnosed with not one, but two types of blood cancer (CMML and MF). We've had numerous visits to the hospital  to meet with the consultants and are currently waiting for a date for my husband to start chemotherapy and recieve a stem cell transplant. In the meantime he has been going for regular blood transfusions to keep him strong.  We have the "big" meeting this coming Friday to tell us what to expect . Selflishy I don't know if I've got the strength to take in any more bad news, I try to stay strong and positive, but I'm exhausted. My husband is understandably frightened of the treatment, we just need to hear some positive percentages of survival as opposed to the risks. It's hard, but when you need to scream and shout and cry, just let it out, it comes in waves and you just have to go with it. You feel like it's only happening to you, but I find that when we are at the hospital visits other people are there who are going through different,  but similar journeys and it does help to talk to people who totally understand. Keep strong xx

Hello SueinDevon

I am sorry to hear about your husband but glad knowing someone else is going thru similar helps a bit.

It is a shock in those first few months we are over a year in now.

Ask all the questions at the big appt.

And CRUK nurses are good too.

It really is a roller coaster. 

Make space to do things non cancer related to give yourself a break snd recharge your batteries it really does help

Hubby has been seeing a councellor too which he finds helpful as talking about stuff is hard

Sending strength to you both

RB

Thank you so much RB, like you say, try to do something other than cancer related, it's so exhausting constantly talking about it. Talking about stuff is really hard, I can't seem to say or do the right thing so think a counsellor would certainly help my husband. 

Many thanks, keep strong xx 

Hiya SueinDevon 

I speak to a therapist too and its keeping me sane I can say anything to them including things cant dhare with family or friends  so please reach out for yourself too ....

Kind wishes

RB