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Struggling with my emotions

Directioner102
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I don’t know if this is the right place to post, but I feel a bit desperate at the minute to find people who may feel the same as me. 

Just over 5 weeks ago my dad received a cancer diagnosis, which we have been told has spread, and it is now more of a case of pro longing his life rather than curing it. It has been one of the hardest experiences, I am constantly worried. He has lost his mobility and it has just been awful to watch. I’m currently in my early 20s and nearly 7 months pregnant, and my emotions are just all over the place, and I am really struggling to know who to talk to, or know how to talk to anyone about the matter, as I can’t help but feel it is very depressing. I am starting to worry about work, I haven’t been since we have found the news out, mainly to deal with my emotions, but also to help my dad. I do not feel ready to go back, I am so anxious, but still have a month left until my maternity leave.


I don’t know how long he will have, or really anything regarding the journey ahead, and I just really would like if anyone has any advice on how to cope, and how they approached work.

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    Hello , After reading your post ,  I am just saying as a cancer patient myself it is equally difficult to talk to someone for fear of upsetting them as it certainly is for a family member or friend to open the subject to the cancer patient themselves .

    Being  Honest with each other about the situation is so painful to do but sorry to say it is the only way to discuss the subject.

    I am my self waiting for results that will shape where my own life goes from hear , and I have been offered McMillan counselling to help me cope with this situation .

    McMillan counselling is not just for the patient they also offer counselling to family /relatives in trying to cope with the trauma cancer causes to everyone who is struggling with the situation.

    Even as a patient myself , I would say please do reach out for support it is there for you but you need to tell them your struggling..

    Hoping this is of some help Wishing your dad and you / family all the best at this frightening time .

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    Dear Directioner102

    I am so sorry you are going through this especially at such a young age and expecting your baby in the next few weeks 

    I am not surprised you are all over the place with your emotions .

    First make an urgent appointment with your midwife they will be able to support you and reassure you regarding all things baby related and with work issues 

    Contact your gp and explain what is happening they can sign you off sick due to your own health needs whilst caring / worrying about your dad.

    Contact Macmillian re dads financial needs my hubby was awarded personal i independence payments  as a fast track due to also being palliative treatment / not curable this has given us some  peace of mind re money issues this may be something dad is worried about they were brilliant 

    Facing this alone is very hard do you have siblings or friends you can talk to? 

    Please look after yourself as a parent of grown up kids I can say hubby doesnt want them to worry your dad may feel this too

    Ask lots of questions of his team contact and  the nurses here knowledge is helpful

    But first of all remember you are important take care of your own needs will help you support your dad. He will want this for you and his grandchild too.

    Keep in touch

    Sending you love and strength RB

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    Hi Directioner102,

    A very warm welcome to our forum.

    I am so sorry to hear about your dad's diagnosis and understand your concerns. This must be particularly difficult, given your pregnancy. There are a number of cancer charities that offer free counselling to family members of patients who have cancer. I attended Maggies - they have centres throughout the country and I found them very helpful. You don't need a referral. Just phone them up and make an appointment. 

    It is always difficult to predict how long anyone will have. A doctor's prognosis is, at best a "guesstimate", based on average figures. The problem with this, is that, we are not all average people and these "guesstimates" can be way out. The best person to ask would be your dad's consultant, who has all of his medical details to hand. You would first of all need your dad's permission for the doctor to talk to you, under the Data Protection Act.

    You would find it helpful to write a list of questions before you talk to the consultant. It is usually helpful to involve someone else in drawing up this list, as they will suggest questions that you never thought of. Rhubarbdragon has suggested some useful moves too. It is important that you take care of yourself throughout this journey. Your GP should be able to sign you off work, if you explain the situation.

    The important thing for your dad is to ensure that he is kept as comfortable as possible and that all of his needs are met. Try not to worry about his passing just now - there will be plenty of time to grieve after he has gone. For now, try to make memories, while he is still here. Do you have any family or friends who can support you and help care for your dad?

    I am thinking of you and I am always here if you want to chat. Please keep in touch.

    Kind regards, 

    Jolamine xx

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