If it's any consolation, although my circumstances are very different to yours. I feel you on the hellish time and not knowing how much more one can take. I think it can just help to know you're not alone when your circumstances make you feel so isolated, lost and alone.

Firstly I'm so sorry for what you're going through and to be made redundant on top of that I can imagine is extremely stressful. Absolutely rubbish having to cancel your cruise too when it's life's little luxuries that get us through sometimes not to mention losing money on it. It's like everything comes at once and when you've reached your limit something else happens :( 

My Mum has terminal cancer, we're in the final weeks/months now and being 34 and living alone (I know it's not super young) I never thought I'd be losing my Mum at this age and I genuinely feel like a lost child at times. The stress of juggling work has been a lot but only me that pays the bills puts that pressure on. I've had a lot of sickness at work. Firstly time off for stress then I had no choice but to go back as we only get paid full for 30 days, after that it's statutory sick pay and who can afford to live off that?? Then right after getting back into work and feeling a sense of normality, I came down with a sickness bug then the most horrendous cold/flu at the same time. It floored me and 2 weeks on I'm still fatigued from it all and have lost a lot of money not working which is stressful as I know I'll need a lot of time off once Mum passes. Whilst I was unwell Mum has been in the hospice, I've bearly been able to see her due to being ill myself. There's other things going on too which I won't go on about but you get the picture. I'm basically trying to assure you that although this whole thing sucks, know you're not alone in feeling like life is hell. I hate everything right now and have felt no joy in life in such a long time. The constant stress, worries and anxieties are awful. 

Sending you strength x

Also I'm really sorry I have no great advice. I would say giving Macmillan a call might help whether it be to let off steam about your situation or possible financial advice with you being made redundant or both. When I've felt so alone and not wanting to speak to friends or family I've found speaking to Macmillan really helpful. 

I also struggle to see the positives. I try so hard to sometimes but it can feel impossible in such awful circumstances. It might sound sad but I just try to find the joy in the simple pleasures these days like little walks in nature or a book with a nice crafted coffee. It doesn't always work but if I don't try I'll go insane. I've also spoke to the samaritans as well when I felt in a very dark place. The lady I spoke to was amazing and really helped in that moment. 

Thank you for your replies and suggestions.  I'm sorry to hear of the issues you are going through too, it seems when we're feeling down, we keep getting kicked to stay down, and feeling like we've not done anything to deserve it.

Your message has meant a great deal to me, knowing I'm not alone in this is a help in itself.

I did try to claim for benefits being out of work, but apparently I would have to spend 35 hours a week job hunting to get £90...a lot less than minimum wage, and no one can live off that, as you say.

At the moment my husband is working and doesn't want to tell his employers as he thinks they'll get rid of him (with an excuse other than health reasons), and given how they got rid of me, I can see that happening further down the line.

I hope things work out for you and you can get through the tough times and can recover enough to be able to spend some time with your mum. Hopefully you can get some assistance with your bills too by contacting the council or utility companies etc.

Hi  Carol, I'm so sorry for all you are going through at this time, I know how awful life can be at times, our eldest daughter has just been through 8 months of cancer treatment, and it wasn't until her most recent scan, that we were told it was successful, sadly her mum and I won't be so fortunate, but we have found a way to live our lives, it's not without it's downs, but it's a good life, take one day at a time, enjoy the things you once took for granted, and try to have something to look forward to.

Sorry I don't know much about benefits, but citizens advice can help, as can Maggies, www.maggies.org who can also offer emotional support as well, just drop in 9am to 5pm weekdays, no appointment needed 

I also had a rectal tumour, which was removed with minor surgery, so best wishes to your husband and his treatment, and to you, I know it's tough right now, but there is support out there, but more importantly from each other  

Eddie xx 

Hi Eddie,

Thank you for your kind message. I am pleased to hear about your daughters health, so that must be some comfort to you all. I really feel for you and your partner, so my heart goes out to you both.  I hope you can take some enjoyment that you have each other and knowing your daughter is getting stronger now.

It strange how you start noticing things you never did before - like watching the little birds around the garden or appreciating the spring blossom that's bursting into life.

Thank you for the recommendation of Maggies, I've not heard of it before so I'll look that up now. 

Carol

Thank you Carol, we really appreciate your kind words, our daughters/ families health is what matters most to us most, and we are closer than ever, since getting our diagnoses, and it certainly makes you realise what's what's important in life.

Eddie xx

I'm so glad my reply helped a little. I know non of us truly have the answers but I just think it helps so much when you know you're not alone. It has for me anyway. 

I also agree with what you said on here about suddenly you appreciate the things like Spring and watching the birds etc. Since all this and my life being in utter chaos I've come to love nature and stillness/peace and quiet so much. I think when you go through such hard times you suddenly really do appreciate the small things and suddenly certain things no longer matter. 

Thank you so much for all your well wishes. I agree that benefits and what they expect from you is a joke. The whole system is mentally draining. As someone else mentioned too, Maggies are great. I went a couple of times and poured my heart out and they were just really there for me and can give financial advice as well as emotionally being there. Anyways, just be kind to yourself. You're going through a lot x