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Dad Says He Can See His Death

DeenieRR
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My lovely Dad has a terminal brain tumor.  We found out at Christmas and he had it out last Tuesday, although it will grow back. 

He's a very practical, stoic man, so what he said surprised me when I went to visit him in hospital today.

He said: "I can see my death now. It's a torus shape. It's ahead of me." Gestured straight ahead. "Quite distant, still, but I can see it now. I'm not upset by it. I can just see it now."

A torus for anyone that doesn't know (and I didn't) is basically a 3D donut shape. The fact that he called it that was odd. I have NEVER heard him use that term before. 

I just said okay. I'm glad it's distant still. 

 But I don't know what to do with that. It's REALLY gotten to me and I don't know why. I know he's terminal. But the fact he can see it.... I believe him completely. I don't know if he has told anyone else, and I don't want to say anything in case he hasn't and it's private information.  

I don't know how to cope with it. It's really on mind. Anyone had anything similar?

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    Hello DeenieRR, 

    I am so sorry to hear your dad has been diagnosed with a terminal brain tumour. I hope he is recovering well from the surgery but it must have been rather frightening for you to hear him say that he could see his death and that it was a torus shape just ahead of him. I have to say I had never heard of a torus shape before myself so you've definitely taught me something! 

    His description of this torus shape ahead of him must have left quite an impression in you which must be difficult to shake. It's nice of you to want to keep this to yourself in case he doesn't want to tell anyone else and only wants to share this with you but if you notice that he is experiencing any concerning visual disturbances or seeing things he only can see, it might be worth mentioning it in confidence to his medical team just in case there is a medical explanation and it's linked to his brain tumour. I think you reacted in the right way, listening to him and showing him that you are there for him. But if you find that this is really staying in your mind and making you anxious in any way, I would perhaps get in touch with your GP or ask to talk to a counsellor about how hearing your dad describe this has made you feel and the deep mark it has left in you. There is help available to help you deal with difficult things like this and you can find out more on our page on how to find a counsellor. 

    Talking to others on this forum can help too as someone else here might have also heard a loved one describe death in a similar way or in a completely different manner too but it is interesting to hear the experiences of others who have been in this kind of situation with a relative who has terminal cancer. 

    Best wishes, 

    Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

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    So sorry to read about your father. Having listened to his words, I can appreciate how torn your emotions may be. It can be so hard for us to accept what is happening to our relatives.

    However, there may be some comfort that he is at peace with what is happening. By choosing to share that with you, it could be a way of him trying to ease your own pain.

    Whilst he may have a stoic exterior, he will still sense your feelings and upset, even if you try to hide it and stay strong. The extra tight hug, or changes in your voice will make it evident. No parent wants to make their child upset or worry, regardless of age.

    Also, an MRI scanner is, in essence, a 3D doughnut. That will have contributed to his diagnosis. He will be aware of what is happening and knowing the time it has already been from diagnosis to surgery, he may be portraying his feelings and appreciating that the timescale of growth, and sadly, the subsequent events, will take him further into the future than he previously knew at Christmas.

    Sending love x

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