Hi ElleLoveMyMum,

A very warm welcome to our forum, 

I am so sorry to hear about your Mum's second cancer diagnosis. Some consultants do give results over the phone, irrespective of the outcome, although most prefer to give all results face-to-face. Unfortunately, in busy clinics, it is not always possible to deliver all of the results personally. Given your Mum's age, I am surprised that she was given this news when she was on her own.

It sounds as if her symptoms may well be the result of this latest diagnosis. I am not a doctor and even if I were, it would be impossible for me to advise on the best course of action, without examining her and having access to her results. Many patients are given the option of monitoring the situation, before heading straight for surgery. This is especially true when the patient is elderly and might encounter problems as a result of the surgery. After discussing the options with her surgeon, the choice lies squarely with your Mum and it sounds as if she is happy to monitor the situation. All you can do is to support her in this decision and ensure that she gets tested regularly. Opposing her stance will only bring more upset than she has already.

I sincerely hope that this cancer doesn't progress too quickly and that her urine infections can be better controlled, now that you know the cause.

Please keep in touch and let us know how she gets on. We are always here for both of you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi it looks like you are looking for different opinions if I were in your position and this was my Mother I know for a fact I would be encouraging surgery first off because I would see that as a way of possibly prolonging her life ,having said that there as risks in having surgery especially in the elderly ,the other thing is if your Mother has already decided that she wants to wait and she is ok with that then persuading her to change her mind could backfire ,its a very tricky situation trying to do what's best for your Mother but I'm sure at some point you will make the right choice ,its important that they get her constant urine infections under control to make her much more comfortable than she is now ,I hope for the best for your mam and yourself .

Thank you so much for reply. My query is mum was given no more info than that I put in post so we have no idea what we are dealing with. I know it’s her choice but surely we should get opportunity to weigh up the pro & cons? Also no monitoring just that she will get appointment for another scan in 6-9 months. Don’t even know for sure who rang her. I have googled name she thought he said & found a urologist but not 100% sure. 

First, my thoughts are with your mum and family as this is such a hard time. Instinct will be to want to do something, to put this right, and it seems at least to be uncaring that she received such hard news in such a heartless manner. You do need to be listening first and foremost to your mum though, and what she wants. She may have a different perspective to you, and it’s her that owns this problem.

you could suggest seeking a second opinion on mum’s behalf or with her, to get a clearer picture of her options face to face.

Also consider speaking to the PALS group at the hospital where the consultant is based - it doesn’t have to be a complaint, but expressed as a learning point, then the consultant may not even be thinking through the full impact of their brief interractions in a phone call to a patient. Maybe there has been some aspect not relayed by your mum, or something about that conversation was misconstrued.

above all, just keep reassuring your mum and making what mum be a very stressful time for her, as peaceful as possible xx

Hi Elle,

It sounds as if this second cancer was detected as a result of a scan. This would have been part of her monitoring programme and is probably why she has been left for a further 6 - 9 months for more monitoring. However, if I were in your position, I would want to know a little more about this new cancer. I am sure that you would find it helpful to find out what stage this cancer is. This will help you to discover how fast it is growing. Once you have these details, I am sure that you and your mum, would both benefit from having a face-to-face discussion with her consultant, about her options.

If you wish to contact the hospital on your mum's behalf, the staff will need your mum's permission to speak to you about her case, otherwise, they would be in breach of data protection. I am sure that if you contact your Mum's specialist breast care nurse, she could look up her records to see who spoke to her over the phone.

Please let us know how you get on.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx