Husband just diagnosed with Bowel Cancer

Hi All,

My lovely husband has just been diagnosed in the last 3 days with bowel cancer.  We are just waiting to see how far developed it is as to what treatment he is going to receive.  He is incredibly fit and healthy and if he hadn't done the screening test sent to him we would have known no different.  My problem is that although he is fit and well AND incredibly positive I, on the other hand, am really struggling with it.  I am trying to be strong for him but I keep having relapses and I'm terrified of losing the only person in my life.

He has no symptoms whatsoever and has actually just started a sponsored walk for prostate cancer with our dog.  I think what I'm asking is how do people cope in my position and try and stay strong.  I wish so much I had my husbands outlook on life.  He's a pure bred optimist and I'm the original pessimist.

Thanks everyone x

Parents
  • Hi AliT,

    Sorry to hear of your husbands diagnosis - it;'s a shock at the best of times, but especially when you have no symptoms

    Good news is, sounds like they've caught it early and your husband is positive. This was the key for us - Mine was stage 3 and I'm now 3 years post diagnoses and bowel cancer free :) From the initial diagnosis, my wife and I said we'd fight this together and we did. My wife and my kids were my focus for getting through it. It's good he doesn't need Chemo and/or Radio before the surgery. I did and that 5 weeks was tough but we got through.

    The surgery for me turned from keyhole to fully open as the tumour was quite twisted in. I don't expect this will be the same for your husband. I didn't have pain afterwards, though it took a while for my bowel to start working and I had a few more complication, possibly related to a condition I have. With the care of the AMAZING NHS, my wife and kids, I was soon enough (well, not for me!) home and recovery went well. I had a stoma for a year and now that's revered. The only issue I have is that i needed to put weight back on ... I just forgot to stop :D

    It's 100% natural to worry and strangely although I'm naturally a worrier, I'm also stubborn and determined to get my own way - which was beating cancer. You will both have moments when you're down, and maybe need a cry and a hug that's natural. Be there for each other in these moments and you will get through this. Don't be afraid to ask for help from anyone who offers.

    Then take the opportunity to do all the things you love and enjoy a long and happy life :)

Reply
  • Hi AliT,

    Sorry to hear of your husbands diagnosis - it;'s a shock at the best of times, but especially when you have no symptoms

    Good news is, sounds like they've caught it early and your husband is positive. This was the key for us - Mine was stage 3 and I'm now 3 years post diagnoses and bowel cancer free :) From the initial diagnosis, my wife and I said we'd fight this together and we did. My wife and my kids were my focus for getting through it. It's good he doesn't need Chemo and/or Radio before the surgery. I did and that 5 weeks was tough but we got through.

    The surgery for me turned from keyhole to fully open as the tumour was quite twisted in. I don't expect this will be the same for your husband. I didn't have pain afterwards, though it took a while for my bowel to start working and I had a few more complication, possibly related to a condition I have. With the care of the AMAZING NHS, my wife and kids, I was soon enough (well, not for me!) home and recovery went well. I had a stoma for a year and now that's revered. The only issue I have is that i needed to put weight back on ... I just forgot to stop :D

    It's 100% natural to worry and strangely although I'm naturally a worrier, I'm also stubborn and determined to get my own way - which was beating cancer. You will both have moments when you're down, and maybe need a cry and a hug that's natural. Be there for each other in these moments and you will get through this. Don't be afraid to ask for help from anyone who offers.

    Then take the opportunity to do all the things you love and enjoy a long and happy life :)

Children
  • Thank you so much for that lovely reply.  I’m so pleased your recovery went well.  You sound just like my husband…..very determined to beat this.  Well he’s now 7 weeks post surgery and things couldn’t have gone better.  His surgeon, an absolutely amazing man, said he had one chance to get it all out……and he did it.  Husband is now completely cancer free and no need even for radio or chemotherapy.  They said it was textbook and couldn’t have gone better.  

    Hes back in 3 months to start his stoma reversal although he’s talking about keeping it so he doesn’t have to eat any of that green s**t ie, broccoli kale spinach cabbage etc .  We put our summer holiday on hold but we’ll definitely do something when his reversal has gone ahead.  He’s managing his stoma like a pro but gets anxious if he needs to empty it and he’s not anywhere to do so.  

    We’ve slotted straight back into a normal life routine and I don’t think it’s really hit us yet how close he was to a different outcome however the consultant said it may never hit us and to keep looking forward not think about the what ifs.  Great advice.

    look after yourself and your loved ones.  We’ve all been pretty lucky haven’t we.  

    x x 

  • We have been lucky - I always thought that was a strange thing to say by people who had / were affected by cancer but we now know the outcome could have been much worse.

    I'm delighted your husband is on the mend it all sounds perfect! I'm also the same with the Green stuff (it's a policy to not eat it :D ) One of the first things I said to my surgeon was that I really didn't one. When I came around the first thing he did was apologise that I had to have one fitted - I did not care at that point. It's amazing how you get used to it, and it becomes very much part of you. I do get the Anxiety - it just adds a little pressure when you're out and about. I managed Washington DC with one though as I was determined it wouldn't stop me.

    get that holiday booked and enjoy every minute of the time ahead. I'm so happy you had a positive outcome :)

  • I’ve just joined this forum as saw your post. My husband was diagnosed at the end of May and has his operation just over 2 weeks ago. Admitted to ICU this week as was bleeding when going to the toilet. Scan found a leak in the join from his colon to bowel, waiting for another scan this week to check as bleeding has stopped. It was great to read your post, so reassuring in what is an horrendous time for us at the moment. I hope in another 5 weeks he’ll be feeling as good as your husband does. Wishing you both all the best xx

  • Thank you so much for your wishes.  It’s been an awful time but we’ve come through it.  The next phase is getting his stoma reversed but we’ll take what we’ve got for now.  I’m sure your husband will soon be back to his old self.  The body is amazing at healing and this is just a small, albeit worrying, setback.  

    The bowel is the best for sorting itself out…..it’s just the in between stages that are horrible,  it hates being interfered with.

    Wishing you both all the very best.  Please keep us posted on how your husband is doing x x x 

  • Thank you, good to know the bowel can sort it self out as that’s what his needs to do. It’s given me great comfort finding this group, I should have thought about looking months ago. It’s been so hard. He’s hopefully coming home again tomorrow and will need to go back for the ct scan xxx