Hello Belle6 and a warm welcome to the forum, though so sorry you have to be here and that your husband has cancer. I also have terminal prostate cancer, Though i am sure you have your reasons for not telling your husband he has only days left, my guess would be he already knows he doesn't have long. and I think i would find it upsetting not to be told. Knowing and living with a terminal illness is at times very difficult and having the support of family is so important, for me family is more important than my cancer and knowing how hard my condition affects my family breaks my heart, so maybe your husband pushing his family away is because he is so distressed seeing you all so upset, and thinks you wouldn't be as upset if you were somewhere else, which we both know is not true. He needs the love and support of his family more than ever, best wishes

Eddie

I found these posts really helpful. My partner is being very verbally horrible to me. I can’t say or do anything right. He has been told he doesn’t have long. I’m feeling really stressed because I want to be there to look after him especially if he has another stoma block but at the same time is belittling makes me so angry. 

Dear Ameena,

I have only just seen your post. I am so sorry that your partner is being so unkind to you. My husband has also a couple of times been very unpleasant to me. My daughter rightly told me that I should challenge him if he is mean. I of course forgive him, because I know it stems from fear and sometimes pain and the sheer humiliations that come with being ill and vulnerable. But it is also hard to be caring for someone as they die, and our partners need to be aware of that and still to respect us. So I have told him that he still has to treat me with fairness and love, and remember that this is hard for me too. 

My husband also hopes to die at home and, if he is unkind, I know I would not be able to cope. I have told him that, and I think you are within your rights to spell that out to your partner too. 

If, when the time comes, he still treats you unkindly, I hope you will trust that you are perfectly entitled to ask for hospital or hospice care for him instead. 

I hope you will contact your nearest hospice anyway. They also often provide nursing at home support, as do the Macmillan and Marie Curie nurses, which would give you a much needed break. They also provide a very kind listening ear.

Your partner may also, God willing, calm down. There is a stage in dying when people are often mean and angry. So he lashes out at you because you are the nearest. But this stage is said usually to be followed by the last stage in dying, that of acceptance. So I hope this will be true for him and for you.

You are probably doing a brilliant job, in the most trying of circumstances, so please do not internalise his mean words! I'm sure you are a star:-)