Hi Holly,

I’m so sorry to hear what you are going through. Your mum sounds lovely and so strong. My mum (69) has stage 4 and the feelings and emotions that come with it all are unbearable aren’t they. I’m 35. I don’t have any coping strategies to share as I’ve not really worked that out for myself yet, it’s only been two months since I found out. What I try to do is spend as much time with her as I can and be so very present in that moment but also give her and myself space when needed. I’m focusing on making as many nice memories as we can, we are going to make hand casts and make memory books but that in itself feels emotional. I try and make her laugh and do normal things too, although it’s always there isn’t it. It feels very unfair, the pain of not having them in our futures, that was never the plan. I presumed I’d have her for another 20+ years. We’ve all started eating healthy together which makes us feel that we have a bit of control, we have considered repurposed medications but the research base isn’t as strong as we would like. I go to Maggie’s sometimes when it feels too much or text a close friend who I know will always listen. I did get a short prescription of diazepam from the doctor to help me manage my initial insomnia and stress, that did help calm me when I felt hysterical but trying not to use it now, still hysterical at times, I think that’s normal considering the circumstances. I have also taken time off work as I can’t do what I need to, my priorities have changed now. I also find spending time with my cats calms me a little. My mum joined a group for women who have secondary cancer, that gave her hope as there was women there who lived way past their originally prognosis. I think hope is something that really helps us. I noticed after her hearing this me, my mum and my dad all felt a little bit more upbeat knowing that she may be here for longer. It’s just unbelievable how life can change and it become the worst thing we have ever imagined.

i am sending you the biggest of hugs, and although it may feel lonely know you are not alone. Happy to chat x

Hi Holly,

I’m so sorry to hear what you are going through. Your mum sounds lovely and so strong. My mum (69) has stage 4 and the feelings and emotions that come with it all are unbearable aren’t they. I’m 35. I don’t have any coping strategies to share as I’ve not really worked that out for myself yet, it’s only been two months since I found out. What I try to do is spend as much time with her as I can and be so very present in that moment but also give her and myself space when needed. I’m focusing on making as many nice memories as we can, we are going to make hand casts and make memory books but that in itself feels emotional. I try and make her laugh and do normal things too, although it’s always there isn’t it. It feels very unfair, the pain of not having them in our futures, that was never the plan. I presumed I’d have her for another 20+ years. We’ve all started eating healthy together which makes us feel that we have a bit of control, we have considered repurposed medications but the research base isn’t as strong as we would like. I go to Maggie’s sometimes when it feels too much or text a close friend who I know will always listen. I did get a short prescription of diazepam from the doctor to help me manage my initial insomnia and stress, that did help calm me when I felt hysterical but trying not to use it now, still hysterical at times, I think that’s normal considering the circumstances. I have also taken time off work as I can’t do what I need to, my priorities have changed now. I also find spending time with my cats calms me a little. My mum joined a group for women who have secondary cancer, that gave her hope as there was women there who lived way past their originally prognosis. I think hope is something that really helps us. I noticed after her hearing this me, my mum and my dad all felt a little bit more upbeat knowing that she may be here for longer. It’s just unbelievable how life can change and it become the worst thing we have ever imagined.

i am sending you the biggest of hugs, and although it may feel lonely know you are not alone. Happy to chat x