How to look after my caregiver

I have recently been diagnosed with breast cancer. I am going to see the oncologist today to find out when I start chemo etc. I am just taking it a day at a time and getting on with life as normal but my partner is finding it really difficult coping with my diagnosis. He is coming to all my appointments with me and trying to find out from friends and colleagues what to expect. He just isn't sleeping and snaps at me if I mention anything such as the garden or decorating - I do these things normally and am still planning on getting them done myself in the not too distant future. He feels I am putting pressure on him mentioning these things and just wants to concentrate on what is going to happen. How can I help him?  I don’t want to put life on hold I still want to plan for the future. 

Parents
  • First of all, I'm sending you love and strength during this time. I'm a carer myself to my boyfriend who been fighting lymphoma since 2021. He's just had a stem cell transplant so the caring responsibilities have been more full on than usual, i.e. helping him get dressed, cooking all meals, helping in and out of the shower etc it's never ending. I'm also working full-time in a new job and trying to have some sort of normal life as a girl in her mid 30s.

    I know everyone is different and has different ways of dealing with things but from my experience the best thing you can both do is communicate. Ask your partner how he is feeling every now and then, if you are feeling well yourself of course which at times you won't be. The other thing I would say is give him space to feel how he needs to feel, make sure he sees friends/family to stay connected and have purpose. These things sounds minor but they have the biggest impact. 

    Wishing you all the best and my DMs are always open if you want to rant/chat x

Reply
  • First of all, I'm sending you love and strength during this time. I'm a carer myself to my boyfriend who been fighting lymphoma since 2021. He's just had a stem cell transplant so the caring responsibilities have been more full on than usual, i.e. helping him get dressed, cooking all meals, helping in and out of the shower etc it's never ending. I'm also working full-time in a new job and trying to have some sort of normal life as a girl in her mid 30s.

    I know everyone is different and has different ways of dealing with things but from my experience the best thing you can both do is communicate. Ask your partner how he is feeling every now and then, if you are feeling well yourself of course which at times you won't be. The other thing I would say is give him space to feel how he needs to feel, make sure he sees friends/family to stay connected and have purpose. These things sounds minor but they have the biggest impact. 

    Wishing you all the best and my DMs are always open if you want to rant/chat x

Children
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