My mum has terminal cancer.

Please excuse anything that doesn’t make sense, I’m in bits right now and can’t think straight, anyway, My mum is in hospital as she’s not been well, she had 5 tumours in her abdominal area and the cancer has spread to her bowel, for context my mum had womb/ovarian cancer in 2014, she had chemo and was fine, in 2018 she had bowel cancer and now has a stoma and she was supposed to start a clinical trial on Valentine’s Day coming up, but as I went to see her today she told me they aren’t going to be giving her any treatment or surgery. She wouldn’t tell me everything as I was in tears, as was she, I’m 18 and I’m so lost due to my mum being in hospital, I can’t imagine her not even being alive. I should also mention I suffer with mental health problems such as ptsd, bipolar and borderline personality disorder. I feel things a bit differently and idk how to handle or healthily cope with my emotions. My mum is the only family I have and I’ve never experienced loss. Does anyone have any advice? Thank you for taking the time to read this. 

  • Hello HScholey

    I'm so very sorry to hear about your Mum's diagnosis and that you've recently been told there are no further active treatment options available to her. It's obviously an incredibly difficult time for you both. 

    I'd really encourage you in the first instance to let your mental health team or GP know about the situation with your Mum. If they are aware of what is going on they will be better prepared to be able to help you if your own health declines and you need additional support. If you're still in education either school, college or University then do speak to a trusted member of staff to let them know as well. There will be support options available that you can access. 

    I wanted to let you know about an organisation called RipRap which is a charity that supports teenagers who have a parent with cancer. You might want to have a look at their website and the services that they offer. It may also be worth getting in touch with your local Maggie's for some support. 

    I also wanted to let you know that we have a few other members who have posted this week who find themselves in similar situations with their Mum receiving a terminal diagnosis. You can read their posts here and here. It can help to chat with others who understand so you may want to reply to their posts. 

    If you'd like to talk with one of our nurses for some advice and support at any point you're welcome to call them on 0808 800 4040, Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm. 

    Keep in touch HScholey and let us know how you're doing. We'll do our best to listen and offer any support that we can. 

    Thinking of you and your Mum. 
    Best wishes, 
    Cancer Chat moderator 

  • I really appreciate this reply, it’s not been easy at all but I’ll take your advice and look at the links you have provided, thank you. 

  • Hi H,

    Your news is completely devastating, it's no surprise you are in bits. These feelings are painful and you are riding a storm. Well done for reaching out for help, I found I really didn't know what help I needed as my processing abilities and just being able to complete a simple task was not working out as I would like.  It's time to be kind to yourself, stand still right now so you can process, our human brains tend to rush, stay in the moment.   I have been both the sufferer and the partner so I feel qualified, to say these words. Just being you will be enough for your mum, I can tell you love each other very much. Keep reaching out. You got this.

  • This made me so emotional, thank you for your advice

  • Hello,

     I'm at a loss of where to start. But here goes.

    My daughter could be in a similar situation as yourself as it looks very likely that I'm on the same pathway as your mother.

    Confirmation will come in a couple weeks and I am so worried as to how she will cope with the practical side as well as emotional. 

    I am 80 so it's no surprise.

    Try to stay strong for your mother. I wish you and her as many shared happy moments as possible as I hope to have with my own daughter.

  • I am so sorry to hear what you’re going through, Ik it’s difficult but we need to try and stay positive and think of all the good times we have shared x

  • Hi I too have anxiety and depression. Big big hug to you. My mum has weeks to live with a bowel obstruction bowel cancer and I'm looking after my 92 year old dad. It's all so very very hard. I cry then I'm OK......then overwhelmed. I'm thinking of ringing the doctors tomorrow to ask if I can meds,maybe you could phone your doctor too. I'm thinking of being signed off sick but hanging in there at mo. Your doing amazing.....get help for yourself so you can share special times with mum x

  • Thank you nd I’m sorry, I’ll deffo look into that, I’m praying for you