The pain for me was so overwhelming tonight that I could not stand it a minute longer, so I bought a bottle of wine and have drunk over half of it.  It has numbed the pain which I realise isn’t good.  Also drinking alcohol for this reason is not something I normally do.  But really, I just needed a break from the constant emotional rollercoaster.  

Hi Urbanity,

This is one of the loneliest times of year for many, especially for those who are alone and see celebrations going on all around them. Life seems so unfair at times. It is only understandable that you have turned to alcohol for solace, but whatever you do, don't turn to this for the long term, as it's a very slippery path.

I hope that you raised a glass to your partner tonight, as I'm sure that he is with you in spirit  and you will always hold him in your heart.

I am thinking of you tonight and assure you that there are brighter days ahead.

Kindest regards,

Jolamine xx

Thank you so much for your reply Jolamine.  It’s not my intention to use alcohol on a regular basis.   It’s just that things felt so raw tonight and I wanted a break from it.  Happy NewYear to you. x

The pain for me was so overwhelming tonight that I could not stand it a minute longer, so I bought a bottle of wine and have drunk over half of it.  It has numbed the pain which I realise isn’t good.  Also drinking alcohol for this reason is not something I normally do.  But really, I just needed a break from the constant emotional rollercoaster.

I’ve came across your post and just want to say I’m so sorry for your loss. Don’t be tough on yourself, it’s going to take time. Be kind to yourself x

Going back to one of your earlier posts, your life was spending this time of year with each other, so it's gonna be amplified, but one bottle isn't anything to concern yourself over. As Jolamine said, it's not something you want to do long term. Been there and done that. I've not drank for around 15 years, and it's not something i miss, but i began to have a drink problem after the death of my dad. Hey, i was never great before that, but we had fallen out, and to this day, the regrets remain. I never got the chance to make up with him. But without even realising it, i was drinking a lot. The only reason know I wasn't an alcoholic was because i managed to just stop, and didn't miss it at all, and can go out without even feeling the need to drink. But it took a health scare to open my eyes. So my advice to you, be vigilant because it's one of those things that can fly under the radar so to speak.

Something else Jolamine said, it's the toughest part of the year at the best of times, never mind the last few days you've had. Hopefully, once tomorrow has passed, you can shed the feeling of it having been the festive period.

Thank you so much for your reply. I  realise alcohol can be a slippery slope but I just needed to neutralise the pain just for one night and as I said before, it isn’t my intention to take it up as a full time hobby.  In fact, we have a spiritual centre in my town and I think in the NY I will sign up for meditation, somastics and tai chi.  Happy New Year to you.  x

Yeah, i began to reply to you, then my parrot (yes, you read that correctly), just started doing fire alarm noises, and had to go and check the actual alarms to make sure it wasn't them. She loves keeping you on your toes like that. The best ones are her 6am efforts, when you're half asleep, and you spring out of bed thinking the house is on fire. Oh aye, my point, i left the message unsent, and never refreshed and got to see your new replies until i had hit post.

Kind of feel crass saying this to you, but happy new year.

You have a parrot?  How fantastic.  What breed is it? I love that you have a parrot.  How wonderful.  Not crass at all.   I need to make this year as good as possible.  x